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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just do the damn homework! It will take 30mins but you've moaned about it for 4hrs!

33 replies

Polkadotbikininini · 25/02/2025 22:54

P is 14 and is changing schools in September. The new school only consists of year 10-11 and has different curiculum/subjects so everything P has done in yr 9 won't matter. It also doesn't give homework.

Homework is a contentious issue. We have 4 hours of tantrums over work that would take 30mins. They don't want to spend their own time on school work. The majority of homework does get done eventually but it's all just so unpleasant. One of the main reasons it gets done is that we remind them how important it is for GCSEs.

Well, now it isn't important for their GCSEs. The new school dont offer one of the particularly problematic subjects. Plus there will be no homework from September anyway.

Not doing homework isn't an option. It would potentially disrupt other students and they also need to know they can't just decide not to do something.

So help! How do you get a sulky teen with a bad attitude to do homework when everyone knows its sort of pointless? This is going to be so much worse now.

OP posts:

Blubbles · 25/02/2025 22:58

It's not pointless. He's learning stuff he will need to GCSEs, even if he thinks the knowledge he is gaining isn't going to be in the GCSE course.
He's learning how to do homework and learning Writing essays, completing projects, time management, revision skills etc. all important for his GCSEs.

Tell him to grow up and take his phone away.

Starling7 · 25/02/2025 22:59

Get them a really crap weekend job and remind them that they will do that kind of work forever if they don't focus.

minipie · 25/02/2025 23:05

Do they want to go to university eventually ? Most uni work is “homework” ie independent study so it’s really important to learn those skills.

I’m amazed a y10/11 school doesn’t give homework. Does it have longer school hours instead? I’m sure there will at least be revision to do at home as exams approach.

Neveragain35 · 25/02/2025 23:06

Whatever he wants to do, you make that a condition of doing the homework. For my DD it’s going out with her friends- she’s not allowed out unless homework is done. I also keep an eye on what is due when and remind her.

waltzingparrot · 25/02/2025 23:07

What consequences does the school dole out for missed homework? Would loads of detentions be a deterrent? In which case, I think I'd let them take the school's punishment for a while.

verycloakanddaggers · 25/02/2025 23:07

Presumably school sanctions? So if he doesn't do the homework he gets a detention? You can offer that choice - homework or detention.

BassesAreBest · 25/02/2025 23:07

I’d let them not do the homework, but they have to accept any consequences from school. So if they get detention, that’s on them.

How is not doing homework going to disrupt the class?

CuckooclockTicTok · 25/02/2025 23:09

Step away

let them make their own choices.

they don’t do set homework - they face the consequences - be that bad grades / falling behind or detentions etc.

if they don’t make the grades they want - they will have to retake / reassess their pathway.

don’t fight with them - it is their life not yours.

Support / encourage / help if they ask for it - but don’t nag / plead or cajole - ultimately it is their school work not yours.

teenagers love asserting their ‘rights’ but have to understand that rights come with ‘responsibilities ’ … schools are usually abundantly clear about what needs to be completed and it is the students job to get on with homework. Not the parents job to have to nag for 4 hours…

step back and let natural consequences help their decision making processes.

ReadingRubbish · 25/02/2025 23:22

Not doing homework isn't an option. It would potentially disrupt other students and they also need to know they can't just decide not to do something.

Are you sure about that. I'd have a think about letting him make his own (bad) decisions. Presumably he will get punished by school. You are going to wreck any relationship you have with him and it will end up getting worse and worse. Look how it's going so far. He isn't listening to you anyway. He isn't going to suddenly realize that he is wrong and apologize to you.

I'd try stopping all but a quick reminder. Tell him you've decided that it's up to him what he does. I'd also tell him though that you won't be going out your way for him if he's not working . However if he is working hard you will gladly go the extra mile to make life easier for him (maybe buying his favourite food, giving him lifts to friends houses or letting him off chores)
I'd also make sure that his internet useage is carefully limited so that he can't use it excessively.

This approach worked with my four kids but I know that was partly down to their temperaments. They were generally well behaved. It was a bit of a joke but if they were working hard for exams for example they would be eligible for "Premier Parenting" which basically meant me being very nice to them and spoiling them.

AuntAgathaGregson · 25/02/2025 23:30

Is there anything like a homework club so that he can do the homework at school? Some children really struggle with schoolwork encroaching on home life, especially neurodiverse children.

Ferrazzuoli · 25/02/2025 23:35

I agree with letting them face the consequences. Presumably they'll get a detention or similar?

maudelovesharold · 25/02/2025 23:37

I know it’s not the point of the thread, but I’m intrigued by a school which only has 2.year groups?

I would also ease off and let the consequences happen.

Onabench · 25/02/2025 23:39

Not sure OP as we aren't of the opinion that homework is pointless. I think it's a vital part of their learning journey that is essential to them absorbing information. Being responsible for your independent learning is a vital life skill IMO.
If my DC are struggling, then they go to homework club occasionally

If you don't care and neither does he, then sit back and enjoy the detentions....

Jane958 · 26/02/2025 07:52

@ReadingRubbish
Crikey, I remember trying to revise for A levels and being asked why I hadn't made the lunch yet!
Degree-educated, professional parents who sent their children to fee-paying (and very selective) schools. Zero support for me, the eldest, from about 12 I was the additional home help for ironing and cooking.

Blubbles · 26/02/2025 07:58

There's no homework from September?? No independent learning at all?? Seems odf that they are doing everything in lesson time and there's no requirement for them to do anything else.

Ddakji · 26/02/2025 08:03

I don’t understand your post - you say there’s no homework but you’re arguing about homework?

arcticpandas · 26/02/2025 08:06

For me it's no video games/phones/screens before homework is done. Only thing that motivates..

turkeyboots · 26/02/2025 08:10

Just let him get the detentions. Remind him once, provide a table and a snack and stop there. He has to want to do it for himself and he'll learn eventually.

ThankyouBakedP0tato · 26/02/2025 08:19

I think it's useful to work out how you like to study independently at this age.
Learning how to study and doing half an hour of self led focus is actually good for your confidence.

I'd get him a plate of his favourite snacks, make a nice study area with a comfy chair and let him find his own way of making it work.

You need self motivation in the world of work.

Procrastination gets you nowhere.

Fizbosshoes · 26/02/2025 08:27

The title describes my DS when he was in year 5 or 6 (but the homework wouldn't even take half an hour, if he got on with it!)
He has stepped up at secondary school and is bothered if the teacher mentions they have not done the (optional) homework! (There is compulsory and additional homework)

I also get notifications if he has/hasn't completed homework.
Sorry I think I would agree with PP, that aside from a couple of reminders and allowing suitable time/space to do it, let him get whatever the consequences are at school.

Mischance · 26/02/2025 08:33

I have 3 well educated AC with degrees and post grad, and in good jobs.

Not once did I nag them about homework. They either did it or they didn't - I did not know. If they needed some help and guidance with it, then they came to us and we willingly helped them.

Otherwise they just got on with it - or not, as I never knew what homework they had been given - I did not ask. Their homework - their responsibility - their choice.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 26/02/2025 08:59

maudelovesharold · 25/02/2025 23:37

I know it’s not the point of the thread, but I’m intrigued by a school which only has 2.year groups?

I would also ease off and let the consequences happen.

I also don't understand how there's no homework for GCSEs. Are they in school longer hours to get everything done there or something? Surely even if there are no essays they still have to revise for exams?

Original poster

Polkadotbikininini · 26/02/2025 09:10

I don't think homework as a rule is pointless. Sorry if that wasn't clear. 😊

I just meant for example, that P won't be doing history from September. It doesn't matter if P can't remember a list of dates or facts for a history exam they won't take.

However if the homework isn't done, then P will be asking questions in class that has already been covered which is disruptive.

Putposely not doing homework is also just disrespectful to the teachers.

That's just one example. Not doing homework isn't an option.

P general has a really good attitude to learning (it's homework that is the issue) so I've no concerns about them being purposely disruptive or problematic in class. They know that we will come down hard on that as soon as we even get a sniff of it.

P isn't happy at school for various reasons not related to homework. Us nagging and arguing with them is a better option than school consequences which will have a really detrimental affect on them and their general attitude to school. We have experienced this. We also desperately want P to stay engaged with school even though they are leaving.

P did go to homework club but school also use it as detention so the couple of times they have gone, it's not been great for getting the homework done.

90% of homework is internet programme based. P struggles visually with the settings on the PC/laptop but their phone has more settings so they find homework easier on their phone. This isn't an excuse. They have been in tears over it. We do know they are doing their homework, not messing about on it. Taking their phone off them / turning off the Internet isn't an option.

I understand what was said about natural consequences and also ruining our relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

Polkadotbikininini · 26/02/2025 09:16

@maudelovesharold and @whatonearthisgoingonnow
It's a UTC.
Only GCSE years with a longer day and time tagged onto the day to do any outstanding work / homework "at school".
They also have mandatory "revision clubs" when necessary.
These periods are self-led and students manage their own learning in them but they have teacher support available.

We are in an area where GCSE results are quite poor so the school runs these to make sure the work is done in a good environment and with the right equipment.

OP posts:

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 26/02/2025 09:20

Polkadotbikininini · 26/02/2025 09:16

We are in an area where GCSE results are quite poor so the school runs these to make sure the work is done in a good environment and with the right equipment.

Edited

So send them to the library (school or local) after school now to get their work done in preparation for the longer days that will be ahead. They don't come home until it's done means it will be done very quickly.

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