Just do the damn homework! It will take 30mins but you've moaned about it for 4hrs!

[Polkadotbikininini]

P is 14 and is changing schools in September. The new school only consists of year 10-11 and has different curiculum/subjects so everything P has done in yr 9 won't matter. It also doesn't give homework.

Homework is a contentious issue. We have 4 hours of tantrums over work that would take 30mins. They don't want to spend their own time on school work. The majority of homework does get done eventually but it's all just so unpleasant. One of the main reasons it gets done is that we remind them how important it is for GCSEs.

Well, now it isn't important for their GCSEs. The new school dont offer one of the particularly problematic subjects. Plus there will be no homework from September anyway.

Not doing homework isn't an option. It would potentially disrupt other students and they also need to know they can't just decide not to do something.

So help! How do you get a sulky teen with a bad attitude to do homework when everyone knows its sort of pointless? This is going to be so much worse now.

I think the school might have something to say about that. 🤣
No public library anywhere that is practical but if there was, that might have worked.

Not helpful but I read your title and it so took me back - had exactly the same at that age

It did settle down after a while

Saying " shall I help" generally motivated her to stomp off an do it

I actually think the longer days will suit them (when they get used to it). They thrive on structure and the clear boundaries between school and home will be a big relief for them.

🤣 I was a swot and generally found the homework quite straightforward so would just do the minimum needed and move on. I'm very academically minded though and understood how to get the most marks for the least work.

P is much better at hands on, practical stuff.

We get the stomping off (and shouts of "you wouldn't know how to do it!") when we offer to help too.

It takes patience!

I have a yr 10 who is just beginning to finally knuckle down a bit.

By the way nagging doesn't help.

When I get that moment, usually on a car journey, I've explained a few home truths such as

GCSEs tell employers that you can consistently turn up, put the hours in, complete the work. The grade tells us how much you learnt. How many tells us your capacity for work and extra curricular activities show how much dedication you put into yourself and your own personal development.

Basic GCSEs grades in English and maths mean that an employer can have a normal conversation with you, you can read and understand an email and work out the basics to get you through a basic job.

Then I say it's up to you but I would it employ you if you don't have the basics at least. And even then you'll get minimum wage so it's up to you what decisions you make. My job is to point out where you're going and to support you get to where you want to go.

And let them stew on that.

Also point out people you know or just see around. If we meet someone quite cool 'I'm like bet he got his head down'

If I get 'I'm not going to be geek' the response will be ' be nice to the geeks, they'll be interviewing you.' Decide which side of the table you want to sit mate.

And on and on.

It sounds like you don't agree with any of the suggestions so I'm wondering what your plan is. You say he has cried over his homework and your title says he's moaned about his homework for over four hours so surly something has to change.

If you carry on having to nag and cajole him how is that going to pan out when he's older? Are you going to nag him about revision? What's it going to do to your relationship?

I really pushed the fact to my kids that they were responsible for their own choices and made sure I had positive relationships with them that could develop from a teenage-adult relationship to an adult-adult relationship.
Not being a nagging Mum gave me far more influence over my kids behaviour as they got older and had to navigate A'levels, Uni and all that follows.

The nagging has to stop. You’re still the parent even though he’s 14. He either faces the consequences of not doing it, or you discuss with school a consequence they can put in place that isn’t disruptive to other students. Or, he comes home and after a snack and 15 minutes to chill, he does he homework straight away or he’s not allowed to access whatever else he is spending his time doing. Once he’s done homework he can do what he likes. If he argues you don’t engage.

Can he do it or is he worrying about it? Thats worth checking. Some of them who complain do so to hide the fact they don't understand it.