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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird....?

49 replies

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 25/02/2025 16:39

My friend called me earlier. We'll use X as her name.
I could hear upset in her voice and she said that she and her best friend, T, had fallen out over a guy T was dating, who my friend has been intimate with on numerous occasions for the best part of a year.

They didn't have a romantic relationship, they were fuck buddies and fucked a lot.
X has no feelings towards the guy, does not want him for herself and I know this 100%.

T asked her what she thought about her going out with the same guy and X said that it didn't sit right with her. They've been in each others nooks and crannies, everywhere, and she feels like it's going to be awkward as they're best mates and bound to speak to potential boyfriend about the other friend as X and T spend a lot of time together (or did).

T has gone off at X saying how she can't believe X is saying that she can't go out with him (and sent a lengthy nasty and spiteful message to my friend), which she didn't actually say but of course it's a bit of an imply when she says that the situation makes her feel uncomfortable and awkward.

So, what do you guys take on the girl code?

YANBU
Should T respect her best friends boundaries and step back from the guy? He's been all over and all in my friend

YABU
Or is my friend weird by saying to T that her being with the guy makes her feel uncomfortable (because they've been together)?

My friend also knows that he is a bit of a man slag but hasn't mentioned that.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2025 16:41

I think that once you leave school you should stop worrying about such nonsense

bridgetreilly · 25/02/2025 16:41

Sounds like X is jealous, tbh. But either way, she needs to step back and stop having sex with the guy while he’s dating someone else.

Stai · 25/02/2025 16:44

I’m sure it will fizzle out and all be forgotten, not many relationships make it past school, especially if any of you are off to university.

Tagyoureit · 25/02/2025 16:44

Why is no one asking why T really wants to date a guy who is a friend's fuck buddy??

That's really grim!! Is there literally no other man on earth?

Can she really see a future with this guy and prepared to lose a friend over it?

Redpeach · 25/02/2025 16:45

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2025 16:41

I think that once you leave school you should stop worrying about such nonsense

Its not nonsense if it hurts people

ElfAndSafetyBored · 25/02/2025 16:48

If T asked X what she thought of T dating him, then T needs to deal more maturely with the response.

Sassybooklover · 25/02/2025 16:48

Personally, I wouldn't want to date a man, who'd been having casual sex with one of my friends. It's a bit too close for comfort. However, on the flip side, both are consenting adults, your friend wasn't dating him, and claims to have no feelings towards him. Plus it's really no one else's business.

AcquadiP · 25/02/2025 16:51

I think I would try and fence sit on this one

JemimaFlubberCluck · 25/02/2025 16:53

Yuk. T needs to raise her standards. X needs better friends.

Justleaveitblankthen · 25/02/2025 16:54

Stai · 25/02/2025 16:44

I’m sure it will fizzle out and all be forgotten, not many relationships make it past school, especially if any of you are off to university.

😁

Original poster
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/02/2025 13:34

To clarify, X isn't having sex with him now and hasn't done for some time. She's been in a relationship this past 18 months.
Now T and the penis are getting friendly and X feels icked by it. She see's it like girl code type of thing.

X truly 100% is not jealous and has no feelings of any kind towards the penis although remembers what a slag he had been in the past and wouldn't recommend him as a serious partner to anyone.

Personally I wouldn't get involved with someone my best friend had been with. It's not quite right, they've done the same moves that they're doing..... Noooo not for me 🤭🥴

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/02/2025 13:36

Tagyoureit · 25/02/2025 16:44

Why is no one asking why T really wants to date a guy who is a friend's fuck buddy??

That's really grim!! Is there literally no other man on earth?

Can she really see a future with this guy and prepared to lose a friend over it?

That's why my friend is upset.
T sent her a really nasty message and X can't believe her best mate is doing it over this guy...

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/02/2025 13:37

Sassybooklover · 25/02/2025 16:48

Personally, I wouldn't want to date a man, who'd been having casual sex with one of my friends. It's a bit too close for comfort. However, on the flip side, both are consenting adults, your friend wasn't dating him, and claims to have no feelings towards him. Plus it's really no one else's business.

Even if it meant ruining a good friendship?

OP posts:
Wordsmithery · 26/02/2025 13:40

Honestly, OP, step away. They have to sort out between themselves which of them is going to shag this revolting man next.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/02/2025 13:49

I can see why it would be a bit perturbing for X, if T is one of those people who thinks that people in a relationship should know and share everything, and X thinks he’s therefore likely to tell T things he knows about her she’d rather weren’t shared with her friends.

Beyond that, I think X is being overly territorial and that T should carry on as she wishes; whilst acknowledging that her friend is upset and that she stands to lose a friend if she does continue. But I’ve had sex with a fair few of my friends, and their partners, and DH’s ex girlfriends, so I’m not especially strong on caring about sharing.

And I think you just need to step out and tell both of them you’ve no interest in getting into the middle of their business.

AnnieLamb · 26/02/2025 14:22

WTF

Sunshine1500 · 26/02/2025 14:27

Are you X?

Porkyporkchop · 26/02/2025 14:31

x needs to step back and let this all play out. It’s likely going to end badly for t and they will be hurt but they have been warned. If I got a nasty text from a friend, honestly, I would end the friendship. X has some decisions to make about the friendship going forward .

Tagyoureit · 26/02/2025 14:32

If T has turned nasty about it then let her carry on. She asked for an opinion, got it, doesn't like it and is now being a cow.

Stay out of it now

lemonworld · 26/02/2025 14:37

AcquadiP · 25/02/2025 16:51

I think I would try and fence sit on this one

I don’t think the OP can as they are blatantly ‘x’… 😉

treesandsun · 26/02/2025 16:47

Is this one of those threads that is going to disappear as the content is all bullshit?

steppemum · 26/02/2025 17:03

years ago my friend went out with my ex.
I was not remotely bothered at one level, I did not want him,
but I felt deeply uncomfortable at another level. I didn't want him telling her things about me.

It ruined the friendship.

Original poster
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/02/2025 21:28

Sunshine1500 · 26/02/2025 14:27

Are you X?

Definitely not.
I've been with my DP for 15 years.

OP posts:
ChompandaGrazia · 26/02/2025 21:30

‘The penis’?

Original poster
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/02/2025 21:33

X has said the friendship is definitely over. T has sent very spiteful messages to X and so that's put paid to that.

Emotions are big for X as she is ND.
That's why she was asking me what I thought about that kind of situation. Was she being over dramatic about it all or were her feelings valid?

I decided to come here and ask as I was interested in how others would view it.

OP posts: