Is this weird....?

[MusicMakesItAllBetter]

My friend called me earlier. We'll use X as her name.
I could hear upset in her voice and she said that she and her best friend, T, had fallen out over a guy T was dating, who my friend has been intimate with on numerous occasions for the best part of a year.

They didn't have a romantic relationship, they were fuck buddies and fucked a lot.
X has no feelings towards the guy, does not want him for herself and I know this 100%.

T asked her what she thought about her going out with the same guy and X said that it didn't sit right with her. They've been in each others nooks and crannies, everywhere, and she feels like it's going to be awkward as they're best mates and bound to speak to potential boyfriend about the other friend as X and T spend a lot of time together (or did).

T has gone off at X saying how she can't believe X is saying that she can't go out with him (and sent a lengthy nasty and spiteful message to my friend), which she didn't actually say but of course it's a bit of an imply when she says that the situation makes her feel uncomfortable and awkward.

So, what do you guys take on the girl code?

YANBU
Should T respect her best friends boundaries and step back from the guy? He's been all over and all in my friend

YABU
Or is my friend weird by saying to T that her being with the guy makes her feel uncomfortable (because they've been together)?

My friend also knows that he is a bit of a man slag but hasn't mentioned that.

Might be bs to you but it certainly wasn't to my friend. She was very upset.

Well I wouldn't be T because I wouldn't want a relationship with someome who'd been shagging my friend - feelings or no feelings.

But I can't see why it's a problem for X.

I don't see the problem with T going out with the guy. OK so he shagged X... It's just sex. It was only ever sex. Why is X even upset?

Maybe that's why X is upset despite what she's telling you, because she thinks of it as more.

Well, it isn't. And guys who shag around arnt incapable of committing to women they really like. X was able to commit after her fuck buddy relationship, no? Exactly. And so the guy is perfectly capable to and maybe that woman for him is T.

The only reason I can see X being upset about this is resentment because she wanted more than the guy. X wanted to be the woman that got him committing. You say that isn't the case, but I don't believe that. Makes no sense for her to be upset otherwise... If it was just sex for her too.

Yeah, wtf. All three of them are messy. Don't get involved.

Why? They were fucking. She has zero claim on him. She should realise that.

If I was T I’m not at all sure I’d want to go out with him. But that’s beside the point.

X has been very clear she doesn’t see her and man as being in any sort of actual relationship with any commitment. So she doesn’t get a say in it. She might well find it uncomfortable that T is now going out with him, but he’s not her property. And T isn’t doing anything wrong as X and man are not a committed item in any way.

It’s a “play stupid games win stupid prizes” situation.

Thanks everyone for your comments.
I genuinely was interested in how others perceived the situation.
I'm going to close the thread now.
Thanks again 🙂

Ok, I don't know how to do that lol

You can't close the thread.

“I’m going to close the thread now” 😂

This is all such a strange way to talk about stuff. It definitely sounds very school age but then you say you’ve been with your partner for 15 years 🤯

What was the message

If you have fuck buddies, you have to grasp that they're free to fuck anyone else they want.

You also have no control over who your friends fuck, nor should you.

If you can't handle a friend getting it together with someone you previously had a fuck buddy relationship with... you are not mature enough to have fuck buddy relationships.

If she wasn't in some respect, jealous, did not have feelings for the ex fuck buddy, she would not give a shit about her friend going there. So she is lying about that.

The guy is dating one friend and fucking the other and the friends are battling each other?

Everybody involved in this is a child.

@howdoyoudooooo
Why is the length of my relationship mind blowing 🤷🏼‍♀️
How long has yours been?
Bizarre.

I'll repeat myself, I was interested in others pov. If there is such a thing as girl code?

It's not that childish to ask.

So X is comfortably in a relationship, and T is single and starting something with this guy?

Maybe T thinks X is being smug and judgemental as well as possessive. X has love in her life and maybe should be more thoughtful about whether it’s any of her business.

I do get the discomfort but I think X should relinquish her disapproval.

T asked her what she thought about her going out with the same guy

Don't ask the question if you're going to get arsey over the answer

I don’t understand why X cares so much if a) they never dated, b) she has no feelings and c) isn’t jealous. It makes no sense? I mean, if either of those things applied, I could understand, but in this case, no ‘girl code’ has been broken. I think she cares for the bloke more than she is letting on, definitely. Who is she to gate keep who someone else can date otherwise? She needs to start admitting to herself what the deal is.

Either way, if T decides to keep dating him, there’s nothing X can do to control that, so she best either get used to it or keep her distance like a dignified and mature adult.

It sounds like X is lying when she says she doesn't have feelings for him. She sounds jealous.

No girl code applies to fuck buddies and FWB.

No one has a say over what FWB do, imo - T can go out with whoever she pleases.

I think both of them should not touch this guy.

Because reading your posts, I thought you were in your teens - so I was surprised to read that you’ve been with your partner for 15 years.

God who on Earth could be bothered with this nonsense 🙄

Ok👍🏼

I'm not going to be coming back now as I'm satisfied with the outcome.

Cheers everyone x