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Original poster

Is it in anyway possible to have a nice day with a toddler?

64 replies

AliceAbsolum · 25/02/2025 12:49

Has anyone managed it?!
Surely from an evolutionary perspective kids should be more enjoyable to spend time with?

DD is 2. I'm starting to dread our days as a family. Today she woke at 6, screamed for me for milk, then refused to breastfeed then wanted only one side only.
Tipped all her toys out, got cross, wet herself, said no about 10000 times, dropped yogurt all down herself despite having a bib on, wanted all her toys upstairs to be downstairs etc etc.
Normal 2 year old behavior I'm sure, but Jesus I was knackered by 8am where I waved her off to nursery. Let alone another 10 odd hours of it.

Does anyone enjoy this? How? Am I just a horrible mother.

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 25/02/2025 12:50

It’s called the terrible twos for a reason 🙂
it will get better,

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 25/02/2025 12:53

I wouldn't say I found the baby stage any easier tho

OP posts:
BarnacleBeasley · 25/02/2025 12:55

Celebrate the small victories. When DS1 was 2, no way would he have consented to put a bib on.

Treacletoots · 25/02/2025 12:56

They do sleep occasionally, I recall. Usually after they've behaved like utter dickheads for 5 hours straight and right before you put them in the car home so they can sleep it off and be wide awake again just as you arrive home to start all over again.

My sympathies OP. It does get better. Hang on in there.

butterdish93 · 25/02/2025 12:58

2 year old stage is very hard.

I do short, pleasant things with them. And lots of play groups and meeting with other mums and kids. Outside always seems easier than in. And I refuse to get out of bed before 7

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/02/2025 12:58

Can you try milk in a cup? You say “wet herself”. She’s trained already? That’s pretty good going. It’s great to discover the power of saying “no” and that’s what toys are for when you’re 2 😁

parietal · 25/02/2025 12:58

I found a nice day was one where another adult (granny, aunt, friend) was present to entertain toddler so I could drink coffee and watch them play.

Ygfrhj · 25/02/2025 13:08

I don't think it's normal in evolutionary terms to ever really be alone with toddlers. So it's not surprising we find it hard going in our weird modern lifestyles. Historically there would have been many other adults and older children around to help and entertain them!

Ilovecakey · 25/02/2025 13:09

AliceAbsolum · 25/02/2025 12:49

Has anyone managed it?!
Surely from an evolutionary perspective kids should be more enjoyable to spend time with?

DD is 2. I'm starting to dread our days as a family. Today she woke at 6, screamed for me for milk, then refused to breastfeed then wanted only one side only.
Tipped all her toys out, got cross, wet herself, said no about 10000 times, dropped yogurt all down herself despite having a bib on, wanted all her toys upstairs to be downstairs etc etc.
Normal 2 year old behavior I'm sure, but Jesus I was knackered by 8am where I waved her off to nursery. Let alone another 10 odd hours of it.

Does anyone enjoy this? How? Am I just a horrible mother.

I have 2 year old twins so know how hard it is ×2
You say she wet herself is she not in nappies?

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 25/02/2025 13:12

Yes she's been potty trained for a few months, generally does really well, but has the odd accident.

That's true about modern life and not having other children and adults around to help.

Maybe my problem is I'm still expecting on some level in my mind, to be able to have my own life / agency / agenda.
How do you surrender!

OP posts:
BarnacleBeasley · 25/02/2025 13:21

We try to just find everything funny, and have low expectations. Some families to seem to manage 'big' days out, but at 2, it was easier to just try and keep expectations low and do something that everyone could get some enjoyment out of. If your DD is a big enough 2 to be toilet-trained, she's probably also big enough to have lots of fun carrying all of her toys downstairs one by one, so that's a job you don't need to do. Then our activities would be things like getting the bus 10 minutes down the road to the next village, going to a different playground, having a snack and then getting the bus home again. Or going to the library to choose some books.

Soon she'll be doing pretend play, which is tedious in its own way, but I had a great game of 'hibernating tortoises' with my 3yo recently. He would get in a box and hibernate, and I would occasionally walk past and say 'oh, I hope that tortoise is having a lovely cosy sleep because it's STILL WINTER'. That was a good half hour of relaxation for me.

SJM1988 · 25/02/2025 13:36

Sending some hugs. Having children can be hard sometimes.
It does get better but then you face different challenges.

I've had I think about a year of similar to what you describe. Its constant when DD3 is at home. Constant 'no' or stopping her from doing things she shouldn't. I've set the bar low with eating. As long as she eats, I've given up keeping her clean (in the summer we did dinner in just pants/nappy). I just have to reset my mind every night. Think about the wins for the day. e.g. yesterday's win was being able to half clean the kitchen before DD decided she'd had enough and wanted to go to be early.

LadeedahYadaYada · 25/02/2025 13:37

terrible 2's. it's a phase - knackering them out by going for walks/playgroups/pool/playground worked for me

Cryingatthegym · 25/02/2025 13:40

My youngest is 2 and like this at the moment. I just try to breathe and smile through it and remember that it's all a phase.

I did get a bit embarrassed in Costa at the weekend though when I spotted a dad sat with his 2/3 year old daughter (who was quietly colouring) watching me judgmentally as I frogmarched my youngest two (3 & 2) across the shop to a different table whilst hissing at them to just sit down nicely and behave after they'd had a double meltdown about both wanting to sit in the same window chair.

It's tough. And to answer your question, I don't know. I think you just have to try to appreciate the small pockets of loveliness and grit your teeth through the rough bits!

changethat · 25/02/2025 13:40

It is hard OP but you'll get there. The key I found was doing short bursts of nice stuff rather than focussing on a whole day if that makes sense. You don't have to surrender your own stuff, you just need to be okay with putting your stuff on pause for a bit. It does get easier and this stage will be a lifetime ago soon enough. We don't have to enjoy every moment. You sound like a lovely normal parent to me!

changethat · 25/02/2025 13:42

Cryingatthegym · 25/02/2025 13:40

My youngest is 2 and like this at the moment. I just try to breathe and smile through it and remember that it's all a phase.

I did get a bit embarrassed in Costa at the weekend though when I spotted a dad sat with his 2/3 year old daughter (who was quietly colouring) watching me judgmentally as I frogmarched my youngest two (3 & 2) across the shop to a different table whilst hissing at them to just sit down nicely and behave after they'd had a double meltdown about both wanting to sit in the same window chair.

It's tough. And to answer your question, I don't know. I think you just have to try to appreciate the small pockets of loveliness and grit your teeth through the rough bits!

Aww having 2 close in age is bloody hard! I remember it so well!

Coralsunset · 25/02/2025 13:43

BarnacleBeasley · 25/02/2025 13:21

We try to just find everything funny, and have low expectations. Some families to seem to manage 'big' days out, but at 2, it was easier to just try and keep expectations low and do something that everyone could get some enjoyment out of. If your DD is a big enough 2 to be toilet-trained, she's probably also big enough to have lots of fun carrying all of her toys downstairs one by one, so that's a job you don't need to do. Then our activities would be things like getting the bus 10 minutes down the road to the next village, going to a different playground, having a snack and then getting the bus home again. Or going to the library to choose some books.

Soon she'll be doing pretend play, which is tedious in its own way, but I had a great game of 'hibernating tortoises' with my 3yo recently. He would get in a box and hibernate, and I would occasionally walk past and say 'oh, I hope that tortoise is having a lovely cosy sleep because it's STILL WINTER'. That was a good half hour of relaxation for me.

This sounds similar to my experience. I loved the toddler years, they were so much fun!

The teen years nearly killed me…

Midnightlove · 25/02/2025 13:44

Get them out of the house so at least they won't be trashing it 😐

Bells3032 · 25/02/2025 13:49

I found the best way to have a great day with a toddler - keep them busy! I have some wonderful days out with my daughter (she's just turned three a few weeks ago so i remember well) - we went out to the zoo, went to resturants, to the park, softplay, pottery painting (that was a disaster though), she loved mini golf. got back, put her down for a nap (I also always took a book in case she fell asleep in the car) so i could have some peace, afternoon after nap we'd stay home and bake a cake or go and see friends.

Cryingatthegym · 25/02/2025 13:55

Soon she'll be doing pretend play, which is tedious in its own way, but I had a great game of 'hibernating tortoises' with my 3yo recently. He would get in a box and hibernate, and I would occasionally walk past and say 'oh, I hope that tortoise is having a lovely cosy sleep because it's STILL WINTER'. That was a good half hour of relaxation for me.

Note to self to try this one!

BarnacleBeasley · 25/02/2025 14:10

Cryingatthegym · 25/02/2025 13:55

Soon she'll be doing pretend play, which is tedious in its own way, but I had a great game of 'hibernating tortoises' with my 3yo recently. He would get in a box and hibernate, and I would occasionally walk past and say 'oh, I hope that tortoise is having a lovely cosy sleep because it's STILL WINTER'. That was a good half hour of relaxation for me.

Note to self to try this one!

I can also offer you 'Queen Bee visits Queen Ant at the anthill'. In this scenario, I am Queen Ant and the kitchen table where I am having a cup of coffee is the anthill. My friend Queen Bee repeatedly drives up on his little car, rings the pretend doorbell, and tells me he has brought me some delicious honey. Then he goes away again. Then he comes back. Then he goes away. Etc. DP is a lot more active with the pretend play; I tend to let the pretending come to me.

Completelyjo · 25/02/2025 14:14

I honestly wait all week to have a full uninterrupted day with my toddlers!

coxesorangepippin · 25/02/2025 14:16

Stop breastfeeding

Go to local park in the morning

Home for nap at noon

Park/garden again in the afternoon

Weather permitting if course!

Urghhhhhhh · 25/02/2025 14:18

I had to laugh. There can be nice moments. And rose tinted memories 😂 Brew

It's not a stage I'd like to time travel back to for more than the nostalgic highlights!

Sushiandunagi · 25/02/2025 14:20

Hear me out… I know my theory is a little out there… but my theory is that children that behave in challenging ways are in need of connection. She may well tantrum because she doesn’t want to go to the nursery and say good bye to you. Maybe she’s anxious about the day, maybe she wants to have a bit more agency over what she’s doing with her day. It’s like after school restraint collapse. But toddlers can’t explain why they feel certain things and what they feel in general. Feel bad equals behave bad. Your DD probably knows that in nursery she can’t have it her way, she needs to share, needs to “perform”. With you she’s relaxed, she feels safe to express how she feels. And the only way to express it is the way she’s showing you. Try to get curious about her behaviour, dig a little. It could be that the boundaries are inconsistent. One thing at home and another at the nursery, could be that she misses you or that indeed she wants to have more choice in her life. Good luck, it does get easier xx