Is it in anyway possible to have a nice day with a toddler?

[AliceAbsolum]

Has anyone managed it?!
Surely from an evolutionary perspective kids should be more enjoyable to spend time with?

DD is 2. I'm starting to dread our days as a family. Today she woke at 6, screamed for me for milk, then refused to breastfeed then wanted only one side only.
Tipped all her toys out, got cross, wet herself, said no about 10000 times, dropped yogurt all down herself despite having a bib on, wanted all her toys upstairs to be downstairs etc etc.
Normal 2 year old behavior I'm sure, but Jesus I was knackered by 8am where I waved her off to nursery. Let alone another 10 odd hours of it.

Does anyone enjoy this? How? Am I just a horrible mother.

I went out a lot.... Think at 2 did a different playgroup type thing everyday! It was harder being in... As lack of space made mess worse..

2 of my closest friends i met at toddler groups at about 18mth/2yrs.

And then at about 2.5/3ish there was a lovely preschool that did half day sessions....and added that in too for some actual childfree time..

I was lucky to SAH so had that as option but others who came to groups often worked either part time or full time..

You're not a horrible mother. Some kids are easier and more biddable. I didn't enjoy my son at 2, he shouted from the minute he woke up, never "went along with things", didn't sleep in the day and was a nightmare to put down at night. I went out a lot with him, often twice a day, because he was a nosy little chap who was quite happy at playgroup, soft play, library, sainsburys café, etc. But he wanted constant attention and stimulation and it was soooo tiring.

Now he's 7 I can see he's quite clever, mature and curious and just didn't really enjoy being a baby.

It gets easier, be kind to yourself though. Feeling guilty just makes it worse. I used to say to myself "you don't have to enjoy it all, just get through it".

Definitely this! Especially that first line We try to just find everything funny, and have low expectations.
We also did something similar to your hibernating tortoises, in the car seat box that lived in our front room for about 12 months. It was a cave, den, hide and seek, cosy corner, bus, car, ship, teddy shop, ball store....until it eventually ripped and so we poked holes in it and continued to use it for posting pipe cleaners through 😂 I still have a piece of that box in our nostalgia box 🤭

My tip is low expectations and go to parks and soft play only.

So do I. But then I'm always drained and exhausted and almost out of patience by the end of it. So I can completely see where OP is coming from.

I'm sure you don't mean any harm, but your post comes across as a subtle dig at OP, which I'm sure she doesn't need at the moment given she's already worried that she's a horrible mother for not loving every moment with her toddler.

I have full days with my toddler 3 days a week, and generally they are fun for both of us. I keep her as busy as possible, and go out first thing to a specific toddler activity (eg swimming lesson or music class), with some park or soft play time. Sometimes we'll go to see kids theatre or a concert so someone else can entertain her.
Then she'll nap for a couple of hours, and we'll go to the park or zoo, or play at home with whatever toys she chooses - I don't organise any activities at home.

She's 2 and still breastfeeds, she just comes into my bed half asleep and I quite enjoy that quiet time in the mornings.

Wait until she is 9 and shouting 'fuck off I hate you'. We were absolutely flabbergasted.🤣parenting is hard. It gets easier in terms of work load when they are older as they can obviously do more for themselves. However it's harder in other ways. My 9 year old is like a teenager already with mood swings. Remember everything is temporary. I wasn't a massive fan of the toddler years either. Just keep your chin up and in a few years you'll be having some lovely days out. Don't be a permissive parent though. I agree with gentle parenting to a degree i.e don't yell at them or smack but if you let them do whatever they want they will never learn any boundaries. Children need rules to live by it provides them with a sense of security as they know what is expected of them. They don't let them do whatever they want at school do they? Keep going OP.

I think you've nailed it here!

It's possible to have a good day, but it has to be on their terms.

What you need is a venn diagram of things you like and things the toddler likes and then do stuff in the overlapping section. Then you can have a nice day!

My little one has just turned 3 and I'm finally enjoying her company, especially if I can get her without her (beloved) 1 year old sister and we can actually chat and play games. Find things you both enjoy (ours include books, cooking and eating cake in a cafe, her dad's are snuggling on the sofa watching movies and building things). It does get easier as they get older. I felt like I had more agency and control once I stopped breastfeeding but I never enjoyed it.

Never take a 1 and 3 year old to a central London museum on half term was a lesson I learned last week, that's a lesson I won't need to learn again.

Also accept some things you had in mind aren't as good in reality and give up on them - mine have been swimming and painting - daughter hates swimming and I can't cope with the mess of painting.

I feel your pain OP. My morning was not too different to yours and we’ve got builders working in the house so toddler isn’t having their nap, which has finished me off really. I’m counting down the hours to bedtime and wondering how we will kill the rest of the day. I need to take him out really but I’m struggling to muster the energy to deal with that and all it brings. I feel horrible for being relieved that he will be at nursery tomorrow.

It gets better! I didn't enjoy the baby/toddler years, but once they hit five or so it just got better and better. My memories of that time, what I remember as most enjoyable, is getting out somewhere they can be in charge and make decisions, so they have fun, you enjoy it, tantrums are minimised.

Evolutionary speaking, we're an outdoor species. Toddlers are supposed to be outside experimenting with berries and shit like that.

And you get your own life/agency/agenda when they're not around ;)

As long as you keep your expectations low… and do things that will also suit your toddler. Best days out we’ve had as a family have been spontaneous and unplanned!

I found age two very hard. Looking back at photos now my son looks so sweet and I do remember bits fondly, but at the time I looked forward to him being in nursery or asleep. A terrible mother, I know.

Two is young to be potty trained, you would have to expect quite a lot of accidents at that age.

I found being outside easier than inside, and also having a plan but no appointments. I usually did straight out in the morning (pushchair to supermarket, park, library or drive somewhere more interesting/Granny's), then home for lunch and nap, out again after nap for a walk, then home to TV and play. Don't let them get hungry or tired. TV is the only way to get through mid-afternoon to dinner time.

It gets easier, I promise. I remember a big change at about 2.5, and then again at 3.5. Now I have a six year old and he's brilliant, I'd rather hang out with him than most other people.

Tricks I found included low expectations, simplifying the set up (don't have too many toys available to be tipped out), practical clothes and a routine that suits you

@GingerKombucha don't feel bad about the museum, they weren't much better with a 10 and 12 year old.

Agree with previous posters, it always seemed easier to get them out of the house when that age, at toddler groups someone else can think of ideas and clear up the mess.
We did mornings out, sometimes lunch too (take a packed lunch) and then sleep in car or on the walk home. Then at home in the afternoons. Extra long bath times were good in the winter for filling an hour.
Also we had a kind of timetable each week which I think helps with their expectations and knowing what they were doing eg Monday swimming, Tue and Wed nursery, Thursday toddler group, Friday day out with friends.
I also used to get yearly passes at the local farm and zoo, seems expensive at the time but definitely got our moneys worth, it helped that lots of mum friends also had one so usually went with other people which as previously mentioned it's always better when there are other adults to talk to and other toddlers to play with. We could go as often as we wanted, even if we only stayed an hour sometimes or if they had a meltdown can just leave. We also went if weather was not great for the same reason plus it was usually quieter. There was no expectation of staying and seeing everything for a few hours as it was already paid for, also I think toddlers like the familiarity of repetition and tend to behave better if they know what to expect.

Also don't think you have to do things because others do them. My children didn't really like soft play so we didn't go to them that often, but mine love animals so we went to the farm/zoo a lot and still do even now they are a lot older.

I felt like the toddler phase was to help you separate from them emotionally after being so in love with them as babies. Makes you feel like yeah maybe I could send them to nursery/ go back to work/ get on with my life.

We used to catch the train just 1 station along and feed the ducks etc..try and get them to walk or run around playgrounds to wear them out ..

One of mine genuinely was a delight at 2, but the other one was so utterly ghastly that I'm still traumatised two decades on. No advice really, except that you just have to grit your teeth and get through it, and find the fun and pleasure in (very!) short bursts.

What has breastfeeding to do with anything?
OP didn't ask for advice re that.

Extended breastfeeding is healthy and natural.

It’s possible but it’s never the days you plan! The best days with toddlers imo are the random rainy ones where you walk to the corner shop and splash in puddles, do a bit of playdo, give them a bath and watch a bunch of CBeebies

Try not to take it personally! It's really important that you continue demonstrating/modelling polite, positive, pleasant behaviour (even though it's very easy to get sucked into mirroring their own bad behaviour).

And there's no shame hiding in the loo for 5 mins with some secret chocolate, flicking the Vs at the bathroom door 🤫

I hear you!! My 2yo is a hurricane at the minute. We’ve tried to make the living room as toddler friendly as possible, but in general ive found I cope so much better outside the house. Make a few sandwiches, pack the bags and go the park or anywhere outdoors. He walks at an absolute snails pace but he’s entertained at least.

I hate to break it to you, but it gets worse before it gets better. Think f'ing awful 4s.

It's a merciless grind for a couple of years

I found the simplest outings were the best, and always outside in good weather. Simple picnic in the park, or time at a playground.

Best holidays I had involved driving to France and going to chateaus - I could see something nice, toddler could run around massive gardens

God no it’s not possible! I’ve lost count of the number of times I carried one of mine out of a soft play kicking and screaming. My son was such an arse at the age of 3 that I increased my hours and went back to work full time.
Hang in there, it does get better.