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Original poster

Ex introducing new woman too soon

36 replies

ridingitout · 25/02/2025 10:41

I made the very difficult decision to end my marriage back in early December, we didn't officially tell anyone until after Christmas and spent it together for the children.
Dh has yet to move out as we need to sell the house first and have 3 young children.
2 weeks after we split he met someone else and they've been inseparable ever since, that's not my business but less than 2 months after we separated and before he's even moved out as he's got nowhere to go and he has no intention of going anywhere until the house is sold, he's introduced his new woman to the children already who have actually coped really well with everything that's going on.
I didn't know until they got home that they'd spent the day together and apparently went back to his parents for dinner.
I chose to end this marriage and I knew at one point or another there'd be new relationships for both of us but I don't think it is appropriate to weave this woman in so soon when he only has them alone on a Saturday because I work and rarely sees them in the week because he works all week and is with his new woman every evening so the children don't see a lot of him and already have so much change to adapt to.
I could never introduce someone so soon and think it's really inappropriate that he has.

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 10:43

You’re free to think he’s being inappropriate, but he’s perfectly entitled to do this, as are you.

Lemsipper · 25/02/2025 10:47

Respectfully, I don’t really think it matters what you think. It’s not ideal, but a broken home is never going to be ideal for children. He’s not doing anything illegal and he’s their parent as much as you are. Instead of marinating in annoyance, concentrate on making sure your children are happy when they are with you.

Ahwelltoobad · 25/02/2025 10:47

I'm with you, OP, absolutely idiotic. Many threads on here about similar behaviour.

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

BlondiePortz · 25/02/2025 10:48

You can't control him same as he can't control you

JacquesHarlow · 25/02/2025 10:50

When you ended your marriage, did you believe this somehow would give you power over everything, and an ability to control the future?

If so, good luck with that.

autumngirl714 · 25/02/2025 10:50

Ahh OP that must've been a big pill to swallow!
I'm in total agreement. It's too soon. It's too soon to introduce a new partner and it's too soon to do that after your separation. The poor little ones probably don't know what to think! They're going through something much already and processing a big change. It's really selfish of the dad to do this.

Unfortunately, and I say this as a single mum too, there's not a lot you can do about it. You are going to have to learn to pick your battles with choices the other parent makes :(

Hope you're ok too OP. Even though you ended the relationship, it doesn't mean any of this is easy!

Errors · 25/02/2025 10:50

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

This.
Of course he is acting like an arse. He is NOT putting his children first here and is probably some ridiculous attempt at getting back at you. I detest people using their own children as pawns in their games.
If I was his new woman I would have scarpered by now, major red flag

MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 10:51

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

Come on now, there’s constantly posts on here from women (with children) allowing men to stay over or move in after dating them for a very short period of time.

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/02/2025 10:51

He is being a twat but that was always going to be a possibility. Nothing you can do about it.

Snorlaxo · 25/02/2025 10:51

Yanbu it’s too soon but part of divorce is learning to detach from the idea that you have any influence on your ex’s behaviour. I had to remind myself of that many times in the early days and it does become more second nature over time.

Im glad that the kids are fine. Hopefully this will last a while so that you’re not worrying about this every few weeks

SemperIdem · 25/02/2025 10:52

It is a bit swift, and I would think that if it was you introducing a new partner so it isn’t about it being “dad”.

I don’t subscribe to the commonly seen ethos here that you should wait years before introducing a new partner or indeed never, but letting the dust settle and a real new routine be established with the children is important following a split.

It does sound like he could be rather more involved in parenting and a bit less involved in dating, given the split is so recent. Is he planning on only seeing the children one day per week once he has his own place? Living in the same house as his children but spending no time with them now is simply not good enough and he should be ashamed of himself, quite frankly. His relationship with you has ended, not his relationship with his children.

ACynicalDad · 25/02/2025 10:53

You can't choose when you meet a new partner, it's not ideal, maybe he should wait to introduce her, but I don't think it's much of your business.

The13thFairy · 25/02/2025 10:55

You never know the man you're married to until you begin divorce proceedings.

TommyShelbysRazor · 25/02/2025 10:55

I'm with you mate. You hope that they'd make a sensible decision about this sort of thing but sadly it's not always the case.
Unfortunately you'll have to let him get on with it and learn which battles to pick.

SemperIdem · 25/02/2025 10:56

Fireandflames · 25/02/2025 10:48

Men don't care about this kind of thing (from my experience), they only care about themselves.

I don’t think this is entirely fair.

My husband’s ex wife freshly met, introduced to the children and moved in a new boyfriend in about 8 weeks flat.

It isn’t just men.

JoyDreamer86 · 25/02/2025 10:59

2 weeks after you split! That's so fast! Do you think they were seeing each other before you split?

MagicNL · 25/02/2025 11:02

Gosh, I’m in a similar position except my ex cheated, I kicked him out, now he’s in a full on relationship with her and it makes me sick.
it is soooooo hard to want to control him! Why should he be happy? Why should he replace me with a slag? It’s hell. I wish he was dead but we now need to co parent.

im struggling with letting go of that control. Everyone says move on, make yourself happy, but when it’s rubbed in your face it’s horrific and cruel.

men can be di.cks!

PrawnAgain · 25/02/2025 11:03

It does seem quick but having less control over your children's experience is what happens after divorce / separation. You can't expect to end a marriage but also have your ex work to your timescales or seek approval from you before making decisions.

You say your children have coped well which is the important thing here. Please make sure that you don't make things worse for them by projecting your own feelings on the situation onto them.

Original poster
ridingitout · 25/02/2025 11:04

We were married over 20 years but at least half of that was dead and we've been living almost separate lives for years. The divorce was inevitable, it just needed one of us to initiate it and there's absolutely no love lots, no bitterness just an end to a superficial existence.
My main and only concern throughout all this has been the stability and happiness of the children and making sure they are reassured and processing everything.
I know children can be resilient as my own parents separated but it does seem he is slowly drifting out of their lives.

OP posts:
CraneBeak · 25/02/2025 11:04

MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 10:51

Come on now, there’s constantly posts on here from women (with children) allowing men to stay over or move in after dating them for a very short period of time.

Edited
Show quote history

And that's also bad!!

PrawnAgain · 25/02/2025 11:04

MagicNL · 25/02/2025 11:02

Gosh, I’m in a similar position except my ex cheated, I kicked him out, now he’s in a full on relationship with her and it makes me sick.
it is soooooo hard to want to control him! Why should he be happy? Why should he replace me with a slag? It’s hell. I wish he was dead but we now need to co parent.

im struggling with letting go of that control. Everyone says move on, make yourself happy, but when it’s rubbed in your face it’s horrific and cruel.

men can be di.cks!

Can you access counselling to help you with through this? It's really hard but you will only harm yourself and your children if you can't move past it and accept what has happened.

Poppins21 · 25/02/2025 11:08

ridingitout · 25/02/2025 11:04

We were married over 20 years but at least half of that was dead and we've been living almost separate lives for years. The divorce was inevitable, it just needed one of us to initiate it and there's absolutely no love lots, no bitterness just an end to a superficial existence.
My main and only concern throughout all this has been the stability and happiness of the children and making sure they are reassured and processing everything.
I know children can be resilient as my own parents separated but it does seem he is slowly drifting out of their lives.

You said you have young children but the marriage was dead for 10 years?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 25/02/2025 11:08

CraneBeak · 25/02/2025 11:04

And that's also bad!!

Show quote history

Exactly. I’m not sure, therefore, why it’s being framed as a uniquely male trait.

Original poster
ridingitout · 25/02/2025 11:10

You said you have young children but the marriage was dead for 10 years?

Yes we tried to make things work and thought they'd bring us together but in the end it wasn't working.

OP posts:
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