In-laws always expect DH to pay for everything...

[Linxoxo]

For context, it’s my birthday in a few weeks and DH suggested a while back to his parents that maybe we could go out for a brunch together nearer the day. No where fancy and just in their local town. They seemed fine with it. Anyway, when he spoke to his Mum yesterday, she said “we don’t have to go out for brunch as it will cost you a lot for all of us and I’m sure you have lots on already for her birthday so save your money”. DH was a bit miffed at this point as once again she has presumed that he would be paying for everyone, so he just said, “yeah you’re right, we will pop over instead to yours in the morning”. Then she gets defensive and moaned at him that we never see them and it would be nice to see them more and do things together.

Obviously, DH would have paid for us two and DSD, but he doesn’t see why they can’t pay for themselves.

Does anyone else agree that we aren’t being unreasonable here?

For back ground, DH has a strained relationship anyway with his parents that dates back to his childhood for various reasons, but the reason we don’t see them much is this expectation that he will always pay for them whatever we do. When there are 5 of us to pay for, things start to really get expensive.They also never invite as round so the only times we tend to see them is when we invite them to ours for a Sunday roast or BBQ. We have hosted Christmas numerous times, but they never contribute to that either.

What planet do all these PPs live on where inviting people out means you pay? That means that unless you're loaded you can never suggest to friends and family that you go out to eat as you'd have a massive bill to pay! Back in the real world, I invite people out to dinner and they invite me, but unless anyone says "my treat"/"it's on me", the expectation is that we split the bill.

@toadinthebucket totally agree. I have relatives who I’d see a lot more of, if they were more prepared to pay their way. The relatives in question rarely initiate anything, so we do the organisation (so we’re probably seen as hosts) and it just gets prohibitively expensive. But with any other friends /relatives, there is never that presumption

'Suggest' is not the same as 'invite'. There is a distinct difference however much people ignore it.

Regardless, if you do something specific in your own circle of friends/relatives and it's established then however its done it will never be an issue, will it?

@Linxoxo- did you want to do this for your birthday?