To be worried sick over decision I’ve made?

[ThatRubyJoker]

Typing this out at 03:44 because I can’t sleep.

This situation is very outing, so I’m going to have to be quite cryptic.

I have made a life changing decision for my family today. It’s an amazing opportunity but it’s come at a tricky time. My heart was saying to take the opportunity and my head said different. I decided to follow my heart (rightly or wrongly). Since making this decision, I have felt physically sick with worry. I can’t give the full details, but there are many elements to this. Have I done right by my kids? Could this all go wrong?

Another issue I have is I’m meant to be starting a new job soon, and I’ll have to let this company down. They have been so nice to me and I am really going to leave them in the lurch as it’s a key role within the business and my start date is in 2 weeks time, which will leave them with no one. Which I feel horrendous about.

Basically, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. There is no possibility of this coming up in future. So it was a huge decision to make. It is something that now can’t be cancelled or changed. But the uncertainty is making me physically ill.

Not sure why I’m posting really. But I feel so alone with all of this.

Anxiety over big life changing decisions is normal. Especially at 3am!

Sometimes I find it can be helpful to work through the worse case scenario. What's the worst that can happen, and how will you deal with it?

Ypu made it for a reason. Businesses survive. Take your chance.

Though tbh I am making massive a ssumpto9ns as you give so few details.

I have always taken chancges and it has served me very well. I even have been invited to speak atevents talking about how saying yes, got me to where I am today

I think it's normal to freak out once you've made a big decision. But it really doesn't mean you've made the wrong one. Just that almost all big decisions have pros and cons. But try to remember that you didn't do this on a whim, that you gave it careful thought and this is just your brain's way of processing it.
Also don't worry about the company, they will get over it!

Though just to add, I hope you aren't running away to join the circus!
Or if you are, it's a really good one :-)

Some of the biggest, scariest decisions I have ever made have been the best.
It sounds like the deed is done. Time to stop overthinking and move forward.
Good luck

They would retract your offer without a second thought, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

What certainty are you after? Does this decision risk putting you and your children on the street / losing your home / in danger? Can you feed your children having made this decision, and if you change your mind or this doesn’t work out can you still feed and house your children? Are your children’s lives impacted by this decisions? For better or worse? Are they old enough to give input? If so, are they onboard?

Is it just the uncertainty you’re worried about or have you made a decision in haste?

If this is life changing, it’s normal to feel anxious about it. But if you’ve made a good decision, to hell with worrying. People often confuse good & bad decisions, with good & bad outcomes. Good decisions can have good or bad outcomes, it doesn’t mean the initial decision was a bad one. And vice versa. If you’ve made a good decision, stand by it, make the best of it & here’s hoping it’s a good outcome!

Don't do anything in the middle of the night. You are not thinking rationally then.

Try to get some sleep and then make the decision.

Sounds like a fork in the road decision and those can be scary. Just keep moving and embrace your journey (sorry, I really don’t like that word but in this instance it probably makes sense). You’ve shifted the energy of your life so things will feel unsettled for a while but that’s not a bad thing.

Well..
Of course everything can be cancelled or changed.
Try not to see this as a situation between life and death.
Not being funny, but a dire example of a different situation.
In my time, failing a graduation exam was given to us as the most, profound tragedy that renders you for nothing in your entire future life.
Well, say this to an 18 yo and what they did?
Either did away with themselves or took a weapon and walked to college.
Just to say, from an adult point of view, there really isn't much worth while to worry sick about.
As my late father used to say, look at it as a big picture.

In my experience, there is no such thing as "making the right decision".

You have to make a decision, and then make it the right one.

Good luck @ThatRubyJoker

No risk, no rewards! You have to take the leap sometimes.
I assume your partner is onboard, and that the "risk" you're referring to is nothing harmful though... can't really say as you gave no details...
But take the opportunities life presents you, most often than not the harder decisions lead to the best outcomes! Good luck!

I hope you managed to get some sleep? Everything feels worse in the middle of the night when you feel like the only person awake. Hopefully, in the cold light of day, things feel less terrifying?

Whatever this decision is, you've made it for a reason so focus on those reasons as they will be good ones and are clearly your driving force. However, do remember, very few decisions can't be reversed, amended or tweaked, and it's natural for change to feel scary. Focus on your why, and rely on those around you to steady your ship if you wobble. You'll be fine and it will all work out.

I'm confused as to what your problem is, aside from the job. Surely you could give a few more details? Moving county or country? Kids re-schooling.

Friends of mine took their 2 kids to Singapore a few years ago, they are thriving, sitting ibacs and maybe eldest coming back for uk uni.

Worse case scenario. What's the worst that can happen. Once you've thought that, it gets better. Eg I won't sell my house, I'll just rent it for the first year, till I decide that Singapore is for us for 5+ years. What safety mechanisms have you put in place?

Do your family know you have made this decision? If not yabu.
Are they happy with this decision (if you've told them)? If not, yabu.
Yabvu for letting people down professionally. This may well come back and bite you on the arse later. Unless you've left your profession completely or retired.
Hope it is works out in the way you want, tho!

Hopefully you went straight to sleep after posting and woke up feeling clearer about your decision this morning. One way or the other.

There will be upsides and sides to both decisions, you will never know which they would have been had you made the other. You’ve just taken an opportunity, it’s normal to be nervous, but it’s a good decision for you.

I was in your position once OP. I decided that I was going to uproot my family and take a job in the states (I am in the UK). It was massive...I was newly divorced and had two children who were obviously coming with me.

I felt sick though once I'd accepted (and signed!!) the contract. We even had all our flights booked and had been to the American Embassy to get our Visas. I'd sold all my furniture and the house sale was going through (no equity though as we'd only just bought it prior to divorce and then the Great Housing Crash happened and we were in negative equity 🤦‍♀️).

I kept trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing...but didn't feel it in my heart.

One month before we were due to leave, I was offered another job...still overseas but 'drivable' (Italy). I just knew that this was the best job for me, and as soon as I accepted, a HUGE wave of relief washed over me!

Of course I had a job and a half to extricate myself from the USA job! I had to pay back the cost of our flights and Visa fees, plus a 'contract break' fee. I paid happily (ish! 🤣) as I knew it was the right thing for me and my family. We moved to Italy 4 months later and stayed for a few years then transferred to another European country for a further 9 years, and then to a very 'far flung' location for a few more years (so it wasn't the distance to the US that u was worried about...it just wasn't the right place/time for me 'at that moment'. Had THE BEST time and loved living overseas. Back now though...unfortunately 😏

I think you will know if your decision is right ...don't ignore those really anxious feelings though, as sometimes they are telling you to have another think. I'm so very glad I didn't ignore them.

It's always easier to stick with the status quo, the fact that you took the scary/harder decision to do something different indicates you really thought it was the right choice.

Assuming you're emigrating or something then you don't need their good will. Businesses will dust themselves off and carry on.

Re-read the OP. She’s already made it.

It sounds as though you can’t change the decision you’ve made so will just have to make the most of the opportunity. Are your children of an age where you discussed it with them first?

It sounds like you are inflating this into something it's not.
The phrase "once in a lifetime" when related to opportunities is likely to be an exaggeration and might be nothing more than a symptom of polarised thinking in the middle of the night. When you feel pressured like this to do something, it's almost always the wrong pressure to feel, one that is being developed by your anxiety.
If in doubt about what to do, do what is right rather than what you dream about or feel pressured towards.
I wouldn't make a decision until you feel calmer.

Never make a decision at 3am. When ur alone in your thoughts and tired you will over think things.
Sit down today in a calm manner and thing of what is best to do. Good luck

@Highfivemum OP has already made the decision and is committed to it. The last line of her post states it can’t be cancelled or changed.

Go with it now you've made it.

I hope it's something wonderful.

I had a dark night of the soul the first night I made my family and I make a huge move! Thought I’d made an awful mistake, that everyone would suffer because of me… I hadn’t, nobody did.

You have to tell yourself: this is the choice I made. It can’t be undone. I am going to throw myself into making the best of it.

Easier said than done (I am a ruminator, I know how hard that can be).

But try to embrace the choice you made and not think about the ways it was “wrong”. You could list all the reasons why you decided to do it instead, and every time you’re wobbling, look at that list of reasons why you made that choice.