To be worried sick over decision I’ve made?

[ThatRubyJoker]

Typing this out at 03:44 because I can’t sleep.

This situation is very outing, so I’m going to have to be quite cryptic.

I have made a life changing decision for my family today. It’s an amazing opportunity but it’s come at a tricky time. My heart was saying to take the opportunity and my head said different. I decided to follow my heart (rightly or wrongly). Since making this decision, I have felt physically sick with worry. I can’t give the full details, but there are many elements to this. Have I done right by my kids? Could this all go wrong?

Another issue I have is I’m meant to be starting a new job soon, and I’ll have to let this company down. They have been so nice to me and I am really going to leave them in the lurch as it’s a key role within the business and my start date is in 2 weeks time, which will leave them with no one. Which I feel horrendous about.

Basically, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. There is no possibility of this coming up in future. So it was a huge decision to make. It is something that now can’t be cancelled or changed. But the uncertainty is making me physically ill.

Not sure why I’m posting really. But I feel so alone with all of this.

I think if you put your kids first, the decision is the right one. Is it in their best interests?

Unless your decision is to move to the other side of the world to invest your life savings in the business venture of a man you've never met who tells you he's the Prince of Persia, then generally speaking most decisions can be lived with or reversed. Remind yourself of the pros, accept some of your fears will come true and have a plan to manage them. Have an exit strategy, hope for the best and plan for the worst. When you can't sleep go through it. Pros, ways to deal with issues, exit plan if required.

The phrase "once in a lifetime" when related to opportunities is likely to be an exaggeration

Agree with this. This is an over dramatic way to think. There’ll be other opportunities.

The way I look at decisions is like every decision we make sets us off on a path until we make another decision, and it turns us a different way. I don't consider any decision to be 'bad' (although obviously some decisions will have negative consequences at some point); rather, every decision we take leads us to somewhere and whilst we might be fed up now, somewhere down the line we will realise that because we were fed up, we're now in that great place we're in at that moment. So when we get a lower grade at 'A' level than we were expecting and we don't get in the uni we wanted to, we are set on a new path that leads us to....a spouse, a different career pathway than we had anticipated, a job that grabs our interest and shapes our future, some bad decision making for a few years till we work out where we're going.....We learn and grow from our decision making and the key is making sure that's the case, rather than filling our life with regrets and unhappiness.

I ran away and joined a circus for several months when I was in my 20s. It was great!

The self-importance of people writing 'this will be hugely outing', believing everybody is watching their every move 24/7. I understand concerns about 'outing' other people inadvertently, but this is overdoing it.

I used to be a financial adviser and, on occasion, I had to advise people regarding possible life changing decisions which were irreversible.

I used to tell them to bear in mind that whatever decision they made, they would regret it the next morning.

It's human nature.

If this decision is as life changing as you say, and will never arise again, then you'd probably spend the left of your life regretting it if you turned it down.

This is a good way of looking at it.

Very wise.

The angst and worry of letting this company down is understandable but will pass. As other pp have said, if you don’t take the once in a lifetime opportunity, you’ll spend forever thinking about what could have been.

Sure, it’s annoying for the business to be left without a new person - but they’ll get over it, stuff happens every day. It’s certainly not worth you changing the COURSE OF YOUR LIFE over! Don’t worry about. Nothing worth having ever came easy. I previously did a fixed term contract where at the end, they offered me a perm role. I said yes verbally and they literally opened a bottle of bubbles and we had a drink and toasted to me being part of the team. The same day I received a call offering me another role that I simply couldn’t turn down. I felt physically sick but I had the conversation with the former employer and yeah! They think I’m a dick. But life moves on and I’m glad I took the new one

I wouldn't worry about letting down the potential job, they'll have a back-up and would have interviewed other people.

It's impossible for us to say whether or not you've made the right decision. Presumably you considered it carefully before hand. If you're moving countries, just think about your children's ages and your potential job prospects. If children are primary aged or younger, they're less likely to be negatively affected than secondary aged. If you're moving for a job, is the package what you need on terms of accomodation, moving costs, holidays, school fees depending on country? We had an opportunity to move to New York when my kids were toddlers, but my holiday would have gone from 25 days to 15 days which was a deal breaker!

You would have considered the opportunity throughly before you committed to it, for yourself and family. It is normal to get the wobbles, and doubt the decision, that’s human nature, fear of the unknown. The reasons you made the decision are still valid and true.

I wouldn’t even think about the job you accepted, the business will soon get someone else in post.

Better to try something than forever think, what if. If it doesn’t work out try something else.

A few years ago, we moved a long way from where we were born, didn’t know a soul here, best decision we ever made for our family, we are really happy and settled. If we hadn’t liked it what is the worst thing that could happen? If we didn’t like it, we would move again. Nothing has to be forever.

Take the opportunity OP, I wish you well for the future.

Impossible to say without a bit of context. Is it moving away? I've moved a lot and it's always worked out. My adult DD has made two international moves, and it's been a huge success each time. Can you give a bit more info?

I am guessing it is a decision to keep a pregnancy that was/is entirely unexpected and potentially unfeasible - or unlikely - or a decision to move across the world.

Either way, if feeling alone, do you have a partner or kids who your decision impacts, and would it help to take their views into account and/or lean on them?

It’s going to be relocating probably. Done it myself as has DH. It’s probably far more stress for you as you have kids. I suppose it depends on what country and any associated risks.

A once in a lifetime opportunity is just that, grab it with both hands.

of course You’re going to feel anxious and apprehensive about it , but go and enjoy it.

OP have you got an exit plan? I find that one thing that has helped me feel okay about decisions (some went really well, some went less well, some REALLY bombed) is to have an exit plan.

hiw can the details be outing ?
new job abroad
baby
gastric band
divorce
??

A few years ago , I had a job I loved , a nice house ( mortgage paid off ) lived in a small town , close to dh family for support etc .

Then came an opportunity to move to a completely different part of the country ( we knew the area through a holiday )

We took it saying we could move back if didn't work out , and for 10 years it has been a great decision .

We couldn't go back now as house prices ( London ) are much more than we could get from selling here , and an illness would be better cared for there as well , but we are still glad we took the leap of faith .

Oh my word HOW EXCITING!!!!

You may never get this opportunity again. You may never feel this alive again. Embrace this feeling and trust the process.

Unless you’re becoming a bank robber of course, in which case give ya head a wobble (MN go to response 🤣).

It's your life. If you don't do it, you would spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

Would you want to live a life filled with regret?

my worst regrets are from the risks I DID take.