DH mad at me for visiting my friend

[GoldieLocks09]

My best friend just had a baby, she asked me to visit her in the hospital the day she gave birth after a very traumatic labour. I was honoured and left the house at about 5.30pm so my DH did bath & bed with our 2 DC. I got back a bit later and had picked him up some dinner on the way home.
Today she asked if I could nip over after work as she needed to shower but needed help from her DH. I gladly obliged, excited to see her and the baby, and provide some help.
I came home about 2 hours later and my DH is fuming with me - apparently I’m not putting our family first? Fair enough I didn’t see our kids tonight as they were in bed by the time I got home, but I’d made everyone’s dinner in the slow cooker, got out everything they needed for the evening routine and was back in time to eat with DH.
AIBU to think that he is being a massive dick? I’m trying to support my best friend of 30 years and it’s not like it’s a regular occurrence.. this is her first and according to Doctors, possibly last baby after how things went during birth.

Your husband is being a prick

Massive. Twat.

It's pretty obvious he doesn't want to be left responsible for your children and begrudges you being out of the house and him having to parent alone.

He is being very selfish. He probably just wants you home doing everything .
Don't feel guilty.

Your DH is BVU, of course. He needs to - to use the MN classic - get a grip.

I'm sure he's never left you to do dinner and bedtime for your DC.....

Did you text him?

So he has to look after his own children two evenings in a row so you can support your best friend immediately post partum after a traumatic birth and he’s having a strop about it?

How old are your DC?

Unless there is something that makes your children particularly challenging that requires both of you, YANBU. If you carry on indefinitely every night then that’s too much (maybe that’s what he’s worrying about) but for two nights he is absolutely being unreasonable.

She text me this morning before he went to work, so I had the conversation directly with him.. I then rang him at lunch time to let him know that he’d need to do childcare pick up at 5.30 as I planned to go over there as soon as I had finished work so I could get back to eat with him. At that point he seemed a bit funny about it then got really sh*tty later when I messaged to say remember you need to do pick up.. he finally brought it up to me when I got home and I questioned what was wrong and said that I’m not putting our family first and that she has parents that could do this for her.

I visited her in hospital Saturday evening & then again today, so not even 2 days on the trot! Our DC are 5 and 18m.. both go down to sleep well generally!

He's being selfish and trying to control you.

Poor man had to take care of his own children twice in the span of a week. He deserves a medal and a week holding holiday with his mates as a reward. Truly the father of the year going above and beyond of his duties.

Every day on MM there is yet another eye opening, depressing post about the shit husbands and fathers that exist.
I feel nothing but pity for the women that are stuck with them.

He's annoyed because he's had to parent when you usually do and he doesn't like it.

You're being an amazing friend OP. Don't let his nasty traits put you off.

Of course you're not being unreasonable OP. The only person that could possibly think you are, would be a lazy twat that's fuming he has to actually look after his OWN children - clearly a rare occurrence and I suggest he needs the practice. Suggest it to him - that he engages more with his parental responsibilities to 'put his family first'.

Unbelievable. Imagine being jealous of a newborn (and one that almost didn't make it). Breathtaking.

You sound like a brilliant friend and it sounds like your friend really needs you at the moment. Good for you. 💐

Your husband is an ugly, selfish person.
Does he not have friends or is it just you that's not allowed to have them and you know... do friendly things for them in their times of need?

I can't work out if he's controlling and doesn't like you going out at all or if he's one of those men who can't be bothered to look after his own DC.

How supportive was he of you when you were postpartum op

Ithe number of times op felt it necessary to remind him he was picking kids up doesn’t imply he looks after their kids much. He could be controlling to, of course.

I'd be very upset to discover that my DH was such a petty, selfish, whinging prick. You're a good friend and you've done nothing wrong. Has he never gone out after work and left you to put the kids to bed? Honestly, I'd be giving him a much needed talking to!

He’s controlling.

Coercive control is a crime.

He's lazy and shocked you dared expect him to briefly care for his own kids.

I'll answer that for you... he's both.

OP, he's an absolute arsehole. These are his children and he can't look after them for 2 nights?

Ask him how he would like to doing dinner and bedtime (without you actually leaving the fucking dinner and setting out what he needs for bedtime) 50% of the time because if his shitty sexist attitude continues, then that's exactly what should happen. He's a dickhead.

Many good points have been raised above. Just to add that you are doing something that wasn’t his idea. And then not asking for permission!

I think that sometimes is all it takes to irritate a man.

So your kids didn't know you wouldn't be home or see them. Doesn't seem very fair on them.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as such but maybe your kids were upset not to see mummy and that’s why he is like that?
I probably would have gone to see my friend later when I had seen my kids and spent some time with them. I wouldn’t have prioritised eating with my husband over seeing my kids, especially if my kids thought I would be there.
i don’t think you’re being unreasonable - am just trying to see the other side