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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH mad at me for visiting my friend

38 replies

GoldieLocks09 · 24/02/2025 21:15

My best friend just had a baby, she asked me to visit her in the hospital the day she gave birth after a very traumatic labour. I was honoured and left the house at about 5.30pm so my DH did bath & bed with our 2 DC. I got back a bit later and had picked him up some dinner on the way home.
Today she asked if I could nip over after work as she needed to shower but needed help from her DH. I gladly obliged, excited to see her and the baby, and provide some help.
I came home about 2 hours later and my DH is fuming with me - apparently I’m not putting our family first? Fair enough I didn’t see our kids tonight as they were in bed by the time I got home, but I’d made everyone’s dinner in the slow cooker, got out everything they needed for the evening routine and was back in time to eat with DH.
AIBU to think that he is being a massive dick? I’m trying to support my best friend of 30 years and it’s not like it’s a regular occurrence.. this is her first and according to Doctors, possibly last baby after how things went during birth.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/02/2025 00:01

Did he know he had to pick the kids up when you first said this morning? Were they expecting you and Daddy arrived instead? Asking as you said you phoned him at lunch time to tell him to pick them up. That would be the only excuse for him getting stroppy about having them.

Devianinc · 25/02/2025 00:09

Branleuse · 24/02/2025 21:19

Your husband is being a prick

Is he jealous? Why I couldn’t guess, but weird.

dapsnotplimsolls · 25/02/2025 00:09

Massive, lazy dick.

WeightLoss2025 · 25/02/2025 00:11

To those PPs saying that her children would have been sad not to see her picking them up??? This is just ridiculous. They weren't collected by a stranger, they were collected by their own father. It was 2 evenings she had to be away. If they are this upset at not having her collect them, then frankly he needs to be doing more of the collections on the regular.

And even if he wasn't expecting to collect them that day (and PP said he would be within his rights to be put out in this instance)... shit happens, things change, especially when you have small children. He should deal with it, and frankly, so should the children if they are being collected by their other PARENT!

Why does this guilt lie with mothers? OP cannot be tied to the school run for the rest of her days when she has a perfectly able 'partner' at home who is apparently an equal parent.

suburberphobe · 25/02/2025 00:16

^Every day on MM there is yet another eye opening, depressing post about the shit husbands and fathers that exist.
I feel nothing but pity for the women that are stuck with them.^

I agree.

Strange to think we're living in 2025 and not the 1950's

Original poster
GoldieLocks09 · 25/02/2025 05:51

The strange thing is we’re quite evenly split in terms of childcare/pick ups usually - I WFH 3 days a week and will generally sort collection unless he’s passing at the right time in which he case he’ll do it.. the other 2 days I get back too late from work so he’s in charge of it. So it’s not like he’s not used to it?!
The 18m old isn’t old enough to know that’s not a WFH day for me so wouldn’t be aware. The 5yr old maybe, but equally is old enough to understand that mummy needs to go see her best friend and help to look after the baby tonight. He’s been so excited to see pictures of her that I’ve shown him and has been asking lots of questions so would understand.

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 25/02/2025 06:01

I despise men who basically get shitty when they are inconvenienced by having to look their own kids every now and then. He should be proud of the fact that his wife is a kind person who supports here friends not acting like a dick.

Snowmanscarf · 25/02/2025 06:16

Actually, I think your dh has a slight point. You said friend wanted a shower but then you were give two hours. He probably expected you to be be back sooner.

So it’s not the visiting that’s the problem, more the time, and he didn’t know you were going to be out all evening.

Also, why did friend need you? Couldn’t they out baby in the mists basket /cot during the shower? Maybe dh is worried that friend is going to be demanding, and expects you at her beck and call.

StMarie4me · 25/02/2025 07:11

Stripeyanddotty · 24/02/2025 21:51

Every day on MM there is yet another eye opening, depressing post about the shit husbands and fathers that exist.
I feel nothing but pity for the women that are stuck with them.

Quite. It's very depressing.

arcticpandas · 25/02/2025 07:18

I could understand his reaction if this was to be a longterm thing but this is temporarily helping out a friend so his comments about not putting your family first is ridiculous !

Silvertulips · 25/02/2025 07:48

I’d say - I have so far this year put our family first 363 days - I have had 2 days putting my best friend first -

How many nights out is he had? Golf weekends? Etc??

Work it out and present it to him.

TommyShelbysRazor · 25/02/2025 07:57

WeightLoss2025 · 25/02/2025 00:11

To those PPs saying that her children would have been sad not to see her picking them up??? This is just ridiculous. They weren't collected by a stranger, they were collected by their own father. It was 2 evenings she had to be away. If they are this upset at not having her collect them, then frankly he needs to be doing more of the collections on the regular.

And even if he wasn't expecting to collect them that day (and PP said he would be within his rights to be put out in this instance)... shit happens, things change, especially when you have small children. He should deal with it, and frankly, so should the children if they are being collected by their other PARENT!

Why does this guilt lie with mothers? OP cannot be tied to the school run for the rest of her days when she has a perfectly able 'partner' at home who is apparently an equal parent.

So much this!

If he can't cope with his own kids for a couple of hours, hardly all night, as another stupid poster suggested the OP was out for, then he's an incapable lazy piece of shit.

Children can, and should be parented equally by both parents. Implying they were upset their mum wasn't there is ridiculous and just laying guilt onto her for no good reason.

OP, you sound like a lovely caring friend anyone would be very lucky to have. Don't stop seeing her, she needs you and your experience after having her first baby.

Naunet · 25/02/2025 08:33

So when you're home, the default is, it all falls to you? Don't you think that's the issue here, he sees it all as your job?

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