To dread this party where his ex wife will be

[TheresAMouse]

Urg I'm a grown up girl of 40 plus been with my hubby for nearly 10 years. Consiser myself fairly socialable.

We are going to.a small party event where his ex wife will.be also.

I don't really know the crowd at this party. Very much old friends of theirs.

Why am I dreading this so much. Any tips on getting through it?

I'd find an excuse to not attend. Sounds like my idea of torture.

How did their relationship end?

Either don't go or fake the confidence and plant a big smile on.
Is your H supportive and likely to keep you involved/ with him or is the type to slope off with friends and leave you ?

I actually get on really well with my husband’s ex wife 👍🏻

It's old history. No reason for you to feel uncomfortable.
I get on well with my DH's ex wife so would probably be quite pleased to have someone I know to chat to (not helpful)

That’s helpful!

He’s with you now, not her. Just remember that and don’t let her or her friends intimidate you.

Ive avoided events because she’d be there and had to be in the company of her friends. Life is too short to be bothered by it - hold your head up high - she likely couldn’t lace your boots.

There's always one isn't there

I just wouldn’t bother. One benefit of getting older; I feel
happy to say no to things without worrying what anyone thinks. Just have other plans..

Their relationship ended with an affair on her side, who she's now married to. My hubby is not bothered about the affair man at this stage and all is good when picking up kids etc.

Still I know he will feel a little awkward in this social.situation so I want to be there with him. He will look out for me on the night.

In the early days of us getting together I invited her to meet up with me for intros so she would know there person in her kids life but ir was straight rejected so it hasn't felt too nice from the start and we have pretty much very rarely crossed paths.

whilst awkward, I’d probably approach it that you don’t know her very well, be polite and cordial, chat if you feel comfortable (better in a group) or move on to others after appropriate politeness. You don’t need to be her friend or give her anything of yourself. Light and airy with little depth to answers in her company. Have you met the others before?

Honestly, you've been with your husband 10 years, you are very much an established relationship. She's going to be there with the man, she left your husband for, and had an affair with. Don't give her any thought. You have every right to be there. Hold your head up high, wear something fabulous and smile. Be there with your husband, because you are a team!

🙄

An ex girlfriend of mine has been over a few times & met my wife

They enjoy a good moan about me together

“Girl” at 40 plus? “Hubby”?
Seriously! Woman up, for god’s sake. Go to the sodding party if you want. You’re with your partner now, not the ex. He chose you.

Go and makes sure you look fabulous but like you did the try to look fabulous. Just be yourself. Smile and be civil. She doesn't need to like you and neither does his friend. All that matters is he loves you and you're a team.

Given that your husband and his ex wife split up as a result of her affair I dont think she is in a position to take the high moral ground with you

Thanks for your replies - just one of those things I have to do as a grown up!

I will have briefly met some of the ppl there but definitely don't know any of them at all.

Here's hoping it's one of those nights that ends up being great:)

I get on fine with my husband's ex and her family. Their relationship ended long before he met me.
Not besties by any means but we occasionally meet at family events.

She and I usually manage a chat about something dull and uncontroversial.

This plus I’d personally limit my drinks because nerves+wine+empty stomach never ends well for me.

Yep good shout to limit drinks!

I agree. Leave them too if. If you don’t want to go, don’t go

Honestly why bother? Sounds like it will be awkward for you both. If you had a decent relationship with her then maybe, but she's actively snubbed you and you've only ever 'crossed paths' but now you're expected to socialise with her?

I'd just say something has come up. It sounds like you don't really know many other people there and all this guff about being on your best behaviour and looking fabulous is just a pointless waste of energy imo.

The grown up thing is not bothering with stuff like this that’s stressing you out. Either decline in advance or get a migraine on the day.

That sounds very cringe.

Grown up girl of 42.
Which one is it?