How married couples manage finances

[CarrotTopParsnipToe]

Happy to have this explained to me like I'm a child!

I was just reading another thread about a married couple with kids and I don't understand why all married couples don't just have a joint account whers they both get paid and then all the bills and expenses are paid from. It's so much easier to pool money and in the event of a divorce down the line, separated bank accounts wouldn't protect your money from your soon to be ex spose. But the idea that he pays this proportion and she pays that proportion seems barmy. And why does it always seem like the woman's wages need to cover the entirety of the kids costs! A joint account solves this, so why don't committed married couples pool the cash?

I'm not talking about non married couples, or married couples where one has some sort of addiction like gambling or drugs or shopping

We have separate accounts and we have a joint account that we both pay pretty much equal amounts in to (we earn similar amounts). All household bills, food, childcare, family entertainment, anything for the kids, all joint/family cost come out of this account. Anything left over in our separate accounts after we’ve transferred to the joint account is ours to do what we want with so all personal items ie clothes, going out with friends, etc comes out of our personal accounts. I prefer it how we do it to be honest, i don’t want to have to ask permission to take money out of the joint account if I want to go away for the weekend with friends or out for a night out with friends or if I want to buy some new shoes, etc, I can spend my money on whatever I chose without even having to tell my husband if I don’t want to.

We do our finances exactly like this too. Great for surprises and we don't need to know what each other spends spare on.

We have a joint account for all bills, utilities and childcare which we transfer equalish amounts into each month.

But we each have personal accounts that we get paid into that we can do with as we please, but tbh we never really see it as our own money, it's still family money. We pay for things like food shopping, fuel etc from our own accounts but keep it roughly equal eg if he paid for the food shop one week, I'll get it the next, etc.

I'm a higher earner (not by a huge amount, but enough to make a difference), so I'm happy to spend more on the kids eg clothes, activities, home decor etc. But I also spend more on myself than my DH does on clothes for example, so I'd find it weird all that coming from a joint account and having to tell each other every time we make a purchase.

Works for us.

Why is it barmy to keep your wage mostly for yourself and maintain financial independence? We keep our salaries to ourselves, and have one joint account which is used exclusively for bills. The bills money is paid into there, and we will top it up to pay for holidays and days out etc. Also have a credit card which we use for food shops, car repairs and big ones off purchases, which is paid off every month. I can't get my head around the idea of paying both salaries into one account and living off that, as I think everyone needs a level of financial independence and if one person out earns the other, they inevitably end up paying more. Every couple I know that's done this seem to have more arguments than us about money when one person disagrees with a financial decision but the other inevitably gets their way and steamrollers ahead with it! We both have our own savings from house sales we had our own houses before we met, but brought our own place together. No joint savings currently due to recently retraining and taking a paycut, but hoping to start this again soon.

I’ll probably be accused of being ‘joyless’ but… we generally don’t buy gifts for each other 🤷‍♀️. It’s not something we value, and I hate the waste of gifts that aren’t correct or giving for the sake of it. And we both generally just buy anything we need or want anyway.

We’ve settled on buying a Christmas / birthday gift that’s from the family, rather than individual. So DH will get together with our two DSs and they’ll choose something small for me, from them all.

Sometimes I’ll even buy my own gift that I know I like, and give it to DH to give back to me, from him and the DSs 😂. Everyone’s a winner.

Again, it helps that DH and I are on the same page on this. Neither of us spends a lot, ‘treats’ aren’t a priority, and in 25 years I’ve never had to explain or justify a purchase to him.

Team separate accounts here. I pay the majority of the expenses including the mortgage and food (I am DW).
This comes down to DH's lifestyle choices: 7 years finding self not working, then retiring early (at 62) which has been funded by DH's generous inheritance rather than sponging off me.
We'll recalibrate soon as we (I) pay off the mortgage.
There is no rush mind as DH still hasn't sorted out state pension (complete ostrich about finances).
Basically, I have taken all the financial risk and it's too stressful talking to him about money.
My BestF tells me I've been a good provider 😊