How married couples manage finances

[CarrotTopParsnipToe]

Happy to have this explained to me like I'm a child!

I was just reading another thread about a married couple with kids and I don't understand why all married couples don't just have a joint account whers they both get paid and then all the bills and expenses are paid from. It's so much easier to pool money and in the event of a divorce down the line, separated bank accounts wouldn't protect your money from your soon to be ex spose. But the idea that he pays this proportion and she pays that proportion seems barmy. And why does it always seem like the woman's wages need to cover the entirety of the kids costs! A joint account solves this, so why don't committed married couples pool the cash?

I'm not talking about non married couples, or married couples where one has some sort of addiction like gambling or drugs or shopping

DH and I have separate finances. We both get about the same money. I get more from btl than my private pension and DH gets more from his private pension than his btl's. We both pay the same set amount into our joint account each month to cover bills, food, etc. We both pay our own mobile contracts, charity DD's, and personal spends. We have always done this. We always used to earn about the same salary when working, and we go halves on holidays. It's always worked for us. We go halves on all gifts for both our families too.

The way we work it is that our wages are paid into our joint account and all bills, kids stuff, food, petrol, trips out together gets paid out of that.

Every month we each get transfer the same amount from our joint account to our personal accounts. We can use that however we want which means we get to have some independence over finances and not justify random expenses like a nice pair of shoes or a meal with friends. We also pay for each other’s birthday/Christmas presents out of our ‘personal’ money, so it makes it special as we plan ahead and save for those events and it’s not just like we’re buying ourselves presents out of the joint pot.

It works well for us because although we have similar approaches to money, I’m more of a saver and DH is more of a spender, so I put half of mine in savings straight away every month because that makes me feel secure.

We’ve always done it this way and we have both had turns being the higher earner. It is crazy to me that some relationships will have one person enjoying a much more comfortable lifestyle in the name of ‘equality’. We’re a team, so we both get to see equal benefits of our hard work, even if one person is earning less.

We are paid into our own accounts, I on pay day divide the money into our joint bills and savings. We keep whatever is left and split it equally. We have seperate accounts we treat each other and don’t want each other seeing the transactions before the present/surprise is given.

We are completely transparent with money though, I do it all, but DH has access to everything. We mostly split bills down the middle because we earn similar. However, it’s our money and X amount has to go out and it gets paid, and we split the remainder. It really doesn’t matter who pays for what. including personal expenses. Everything that has to be paid for, is covered by the pooled money

YANBU but each to their own. I guess it's what you're used to. DH and I started pooling finances from before marriage. He made it very clear it's our money not his or mine alone. Which is one of the things i always loved about him. With a child it's easier. He earns nearly 4x what I earn. I work PT to manage child care. Asking for extra money for x y z for child or me is ridiculous to me. I'd feel like I'm asking for his money.

Wages get paid into joint account. We have a small amount of every day joint savings for bigger expenses like car insurance due, holidays etc. Our other savings are seperate for tax purposes. But we can still easily see what's in each others names and accounts.

An ex BF parents used to have seperate accounts and his dad paid his mum housekeeping money. It seemed totally crazy to me. What's the point in being married?!

We do things differently to most on here. We each have our own account where our wages are paid in. A joint account where all household bills come out of, into which we put equal monthly amounts. It has been this way since we earned equally and before we were married but moved in together. We never bothered changing it when my wage doubled that of my husband; we discussed whether he should pay proportionally less due to less earnings but he did not want to contribute less than half, so we left it that my wage increase would fund our savings, holidays and big purchases and a new car. His wage is now more although still not equal. We do see all money as joint; but still operate this way, with each of us putting half into the joint account - whatever is left we decide how to spend or save. We both have an amount we spend socially or on ourselves each month and appreciate having some privacy with that, but would not be secretive if asked. Our accounts are an open book as we have joint current account and joint savings.

I don't scour through the bank account to check on what's being spent on me. And I have no qualms about how much is being spent.

We've slightly gone to the other extreme and between us, DH and I have over 40 different bank/savings/isa accounts.

They are single and joint and each one has a specific purpose whether it is good deals on bills, breakdown cover, access to good savings etc.

We do a monthly spreadsheet but include a set amount of personal spend that goes into our main single accounts.

Many people don't get it but it works for us and all money is family money.

Early in our marriage my wife didn't work, it seemed patronising to pay her an allowance so we had a joint account and save for a couple of ISAS we still do.

Exactly so.

The day after we returned from honeymoon dh changed the name of his bank account to our joint name. We had already decided that I would become a SAHM, and both of us had full access to the account. There's no 'my money/your money' etc just as everything we own we own together, just as we are both responsible for paying for our children's needs.

We've always had separate finances (25 years in now). In the beginning, it was because I had a small-but-significant gambling problem, and I knew I couldn't be trusted with family finances, so we made the decision to limit the potential damage if I had a bad relapse.

I'm long past that problem, but it's worked out well enough that we see no reason to change it; we each have our responsibilities monthly, and we spread that load. Neither of us hoard our money - what's left after bills are paid is ours to spend as we see fit, but it's not like either of us will let the other struggle.

"how to stir a stir fry" really made me laugh!

It is possible to have separate accounts, and share money. I know, because that's what we do.

I am married. We have a joint account for bills and joint expenses. We both have put own sole account for our personal expenses and we both have the same amount each month to spend. The general expense /.personal account is not so he has so much and I have so much etc it just helps to budget
I know I have that much money to spend each month on anything I want. If I didn't do that I would be wondering how much I have spent and if the balance in the joint was getting lower and lower . Works for us just fine.

We have a joint account for bills and house and child expenses which we pay into proportionately, and then our own accounts. It's the best of both worlds in my opinion. I don't have to feel guilty about buying myself clothes or treats, and I don't lose out or have to ask for money when I'm buying stuff for the kids.

I understand why it works for people to have just a joint account, but what would you lose from also having a personal account? Also I think everyone should have 'get out' money of their own just in case. Joint accounts can be frozen after a death, for example...

When I married the first time, we put it all in one pot. I was a SAHM a lot of the time, and worked small part time jobs occasionally. He was the earner, I was the budget-er and we never argued about money. When we divorced after 22 years, we were fair and treated each other right. When we were no longer married, we could be friends again, and we were until his death. Meanwhile, DH number 2 entered, and we were both established. I owned a home, had stocks, bonds, etc. We decided to keep it separate, but each is listed on the other's accounts. He pays for groceries, household repairs, etc. I'm the higher earner now, but we work it out and neither of us has a complaint. Having done both, I think I liked joint accounts best, but it depends on where you are in life I guess.

Can't imagine not having my private bank account. I want to decide what I buy without justifying it to DH

However we have always had similar incomes and split expenses 50/50 which makes it easier

Also consider if one of the parties has children ( that don't belong to the other) If there was a joint account that everything was being paid into then it would mean the person who didn't have the child was paying for themrather than their parent paying.

The ideal for me would be all household pills being paid into one account ( ,Per percentage of income) and the rest of money is your own

We do still have our old single accounts just don’t use them much. I agree I wouldn’t actually get rid of those.

But if someone dies then if their salary is going into their own account and a SAHM doesn’t have access to it then that will be much more of an issue. A regular joint account won’t be frozen just because one spouse has died.

But why would you feel guilty buying yourself something? Presumably your spouse wouldn’t begrudge you of it. It’s still coming from the same income of money that would be going into your joint account.

I will never put my money into just a sole account ever... been there, done that, got the CCJ thank you very much!

I have a sole account where all my monies are deposited. We share a joint account where we both deposit an equal amount each from our sole accounts, I then have a savings account where I save. We have a joint savings account which is for holidays which he pays into (and I spend) and we both contribute equally too an account we use for holidays which spending money!

This^
also I suspect that it works better if people have children from previous relationships.

Disclaimer: we have absolutely boring approach of one joint account, no surprises.

We have always had separate accounts - I think because we both spent years being self-employed and so keeping things separate made sense in some ways. But our finances are totally shared. We do earn broadly similar, and just pay different bits of the outgoings from our own accounts. There’s no personal spends “budget”, but we’re quite comfortable so don’t really have to worry too much about that, and have a pretty similar attitude to money, so each other’s spending doesn’t cause rows.

There is no sense (in how we feel about it) that our money isn’t joint money, just because our accounts happen to be separate.

I cut from your origin post to this: all our finances are pooled. Those which legally cannot be pooled (like ISAs) are open and discoverable.

We've taken a punt on each other. He worked FT; I worked PT, (23 hpw plus quite a lot of weekend better paid overtime, NHS) while being the 2DC 'go to'. I seconded my career to his, on the understanding that I picked up the family slack. Thus was entitled to equal pull on the family finances.

His is mine, mine is his.

Currently, he's retired, but I do quite well paid bank in my job, semi-retired. If we have an expense, I'll volunteer more hours to pay for it, but, I won't come home expecting to make the family dinner!

I like having my own current account. I don't want a joint account for everything. I like knowing from month to month how much disposable income I have and as I forward plan that helps me budget. We have a joint account for the mortgage, bills and kids classes which is paid into proportionately. This works for us.

🤣🤣 how do you stir a stir fry? I'm intrigued!

There was dissension in the ranks about exactly how much stirring was required and whether my slightly neglectful (reading a book at the same time) vague stirring would lead to burning.

Plus whether we should just chuck everything in at once and hope for the best (my view) or at different times depending on how long each thing took to cook. (Dh’s view but he had some funny ideas about how long things took to cook.)