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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to take ds2 when I go to collect ds1 from ds1's classmate's party knowing they will both ask for an extra party bag

47 replies

saadia · 10/05/2008 16:15

Ds2 (4) has had tearful moments over the idea that ds1 (6) will get a party bag at his friend's (McDonalds) party. If I take him I know they will both ask for an extra party bag and it could be highly embarrassing, but OTOH will the hosts really begrudge giving him one? they always seem to have extra ones and I do give bags to siblings if they appear. Also we have given a substantial present.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 10/05/2008 16:17

lol

ds2 has to learn that he doesn't get them. He'll soon have his own parties and be getting one himself. I remember this nightmare because ds was the same. Perhaps ds1 will give him a sweet or something?

foxinsocks · 10/05/2008 16:18

or just leave ds2 at home when you pick up (if you have someone else at home)

Saturn74 · 10/05/2008 16:20

If they have extra party bags, and offer one to your DS2, that's great - although I wouldn't let me DC ask for an extra one.

If they don't have extra party bags, you'll just have to tell DS2 that he can't have one.

Sometimes life is tough!

seeker · 10/05/2008 16:20

4 is old enough not to "ask' for a party bag even if he was invited to the party!

Saturn74 · 10/05/2008 16:20

hana · 10/05/2008 16:22

I don't think it matters if you've given a 'substantial present' thought, that's hilarious that you think that's a reason for 2 party bags.
life is tough
maybe your 6 year old could share a sweet - that's what I do when this happens. And it works the other way when the other way too

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 10/05/2008 16:23

, it is not your party, so you do not merit a party bag. Tough

So.... if you had given a lesser present you wouldn't expect a party bag ??

hana · 10/05/2008 16:24

oops
I meant they both share their bags when only one has gone and the other hasn't - usually just a chocolate or sticker or sweet

TheFallenMadonna · 10/05/2008 16:25

I shall do this now. I shall judge the quality and cost of presents, and allot party bags accordingly

GrapefruitMoon · 10/05/2008 16:26

I never have extra party bags and would be shocked to be expected to provide them for siblings merely coming along with a parent at pick-up time.... if I did have one spare because someone had not shown up that would be another thing but I wouldn't have them to hand as a matter of course...

wannaBe · 10/05/2008 16:29

yabu. totally. 4 is old enough to know you don't ask for party bags.

Original poster

saadia · 10/05/2008 16:30

Ok, so concensus is to leave him at home (luckily dh is here). At most parties I have attended they do give to siblings and in some cases they sent one anyway for ds2 even when he wasn't there.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 10/05/2008 16:31

Just tough I am afraid! He has to learn that he will not always be treated equally and, in this instance, he wasn't invited to the party. They should both be told that it is rude to ask. I hate the whole expectation of party bags-perhaps there won't be any! You could encourage DS1 to share his party bag with DS2. I don't think the value of the present has any bearing on it!

Original poster

saadia · 10/05/2008 16:34

I suppose the fact that he does usually get one from ds1's parties is what has confused him. All ds1's friends' mums know he has a younger brother, as do I with regard to other friends' siblings.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 10/05/2008 16:35

oh yes, just don't take him and avoid the issue. I did that with ds a fair bit till he got the hang of not getting one. I actually think for quite a long time ds thought he was dd's other half iyswim.

littlepinkpixie · 10/05/2008 16:37

I wouldnt have spare party bags. Round here the child usually opens the presents after the party, so the value of the present wouldnt be known at the time the child went home (not that I think the value of the present makes a difference )
My children wouldnt think about getting a party bag if they hadnt been invited, though they will share the sweets with each other.

squilly · 10/05/2008 16:40

I alwayys have spare party bags, and I'll pay for siblings, if it's a play area party, but I'd be if I thought people expected that from me!

Original poster

saadia · 10/05/2008 16:46

It's not that it is expected, just hoped for (by ds2). He is now wandering around with some 2ps he has found, asking if it is enough to buy a toy lol.

OP posts:

seeker · 10/05/2008 17:13

I must be a real old curmudgeon! I don't understand children getting presents on their sibling's birthdays, and the idea of giving a party bag to the siblings of one of my dcs guests strikes me as being bizarre. What if there are 5 children in ths family - do you do 4 extra party bags?

seeker · 10/05/2008 17:14

And the 'substantial present" left me a bit [shocked] too! Is there a sliding scale of party bags? How do you know in advance who gets what?!

WigWamBam · 10/05/2008 17:22

The "substantial present" is neither here nor there; a four year old is old enough to understand that he isn't going to get a party bag. Him hoping is fine, but you seem to be expecting them to give him one which is probably going to give him the idea that he deserves one.

What's wrong with teaching children that they can't automatically have whatever they want? It's a lesson they have to learn sometime, and really four is not too old.

Dd's birthday party is next weekend, and any sibling who expects a party bag is going to be very disappointed ...

oxocube · 10/05/2008 17:31

Some of my friends have 4 kids - that's a hell of a lot of 'extra' party bags if they all wanted one . Get ds 1 to share or leave ds2 at home - not easy I know, but they have to learn that they can't have everything!

Original poster

saadia · 10/05/2008 17:36

Blimey, I didn't think it was really such a big deal. I agree that the present is not an issue and it was wrong to take that into account, and he will of course learn these life lessons but it is actually the norm at ds' school for them to give bags to siblings who are there. I really don't think they mind. I was certainly not expecting a bag for ds2, he didn't get one and he is fine.

OP posts:

hatrick · 10/05/2008 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AbbeyA · 10/05/2008 17:42

Why would you do spare bags? When I did them I did one per child, there would only be a spare if someone didn't turn up.

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