to take ds2 when I go to collect ds1 from ds1's classmate's party knowing they will both ask for an extra party bag

[saadia]

Ds2 (4) has had tearful moments over the idea that ds1 (6) will get a party bag at his friend's (McDonalds) party. If I take him I know they will both ask for an extra party bag and it could be highly embarrassing, but OTOH will the hosts really begrudge giving him one? they always seem to have extra ones and I do give bags to siblings if they appear. Also we have given a substantial present.

At places like McDonalds and some other venues where parties are held, they always have extra ones. I wanted to guage how unreasonable it would be and obviously it is very unreasonable.

Well saadia, you did ask . Its amazing how worked up we get about such things!

DD seems to handle 'disapointment' best if I announce to her well upfront how things will be.

What if you simply said to ds2 - 'we're going to pick up ds1 from a birthday party, and I'm sorry but there won't be any extra party bags'. By handling it in that way, ds2 knows what to expect, and won't get his hopes up....at least, in theory.

disappointment

I know, it was supposed to be light-hearted. I guess people really mind, and I guess I am probably a bit too indulgent of four year olds.

YABU totally ! you can't always get what you want ...they have to learn

it'll be tatty shite in the bags anyway !

A four year old can ask for a party bag but if it wasn't her party I would tell her that she couldn't have one. I certainly wouldn't expect the host to give an extra one, however much I'd paid for the present!

Sorry but I have never ever heard of party bags being given to uninvited siblings and cannot understand how this could ever be the "norm" anywhere! Totally ridiculous.

It may be a cultural thing, most of the children at ds1s' school are either Indian, Sri Lankan or Arab. If a sibling arrives at drop off they are often invited to stay, this has happened before with ds2, extra chairs are hastily arranhed and arrangements made for extra plates anhd food. At ds1's last party a baby sister came and she was invited to stay. It really does happen.

Not in my party bags it wouldn't be tatty shite

Which is another reason they won't be given away to siblings - even "tatty shite" costs a fair bit when you're buying for a number of children.

I once had three parents turn up with siblings in tow, expecting to be able to leave them at the party. I gritted my teeth and let them ... and then had to scrape together food and party bags for the five extra children. The parents probably thought I was OK with it because I said they could stay, but it actually made me very cross, and I'd suggest that maybe the parents who you think are OK with it aren't as happy about it as you might think.

My kids have recieved party bags which must have cost more then the value of the present I gave to the birthday child (not that I'm stingy btw, but some people are extrememly generous)

I really don't mind myself if that happens and at nephew's party SIL didn't mind either when extra siblings turned up expecting to stay. When ds1 was at nursery they were not allowed to hand out sweets so people sent little things like pencils etc. Ds2 was one of three younger siblings and they also were given these things.

You bunch of tight-fisted harridans.

When DS has parties I will have MOUNTAINS of bags and I will be adored by children and parents alike.

I did (when ds had parties) always have spare bags but I think the principal here is to learn that you don't always get something - children need to learn to cope with that because life's a bit tough and can be disappointing - it isn't going to kill them !

My dcs know that they always share their party bags with each other

I have to henestly say i always do abotu 10 extra bags than needed anyway,and i go to a lot of effort for party bags... the ones for Ds's 3rd birthday (tea party at my perents house) worked out to cost me around £4 each...possibly more than some spent on presents, but its just somethign i do....

HOWEVER- i would never expect anyone to give dd a party bag if she had to come along... she's always been invited in the past, but next weekend ds has been invited to his first party of his nursery friends, parents stay sort of thing, but i'm gonna pay £4 in bus fares to drop off and collect dd with my mum and not 'invite her' myself...

Message withdrawn

i had 10 extra party bags at dd's recent party but that is because 10 ignorant people did not bother to tell me if they would be there or not.

it was nice being able to hand out the extra bags to siblings of the children who did come but had the original 10 turned up the siblings would have been given nothing.

So really if you have extra then you don't mind handing them out, if you don't have extra then you obviously can't hand them out so don't have to worry.

But, for the sake of argument, and out of curiosity, would you mind paying the extra pound or whatever for McDonalds/Burger King bags?

saadia, I think you are right , it is a cultural thing. Going by my friends from various places in Asia, casual present giving is a bigger thing there - eg I was taken aback to be given Christmas presents for my children by a woman I had only chatted to at the school gates - had to rush out and get some for hers! Another friend always sends dd home with loads of sweets, etc for her and her brothers.