To ask for causal?

[Anniebellss]

Am I being unreasonable/stupid to ask a guy if he fancies causal after he rejected me?

Don’t want to write a ridiculously long post so going to do bullet points.

• met a guy on OLD
• 2 dates, both of them good vibes, lots of laugh, good chats and kiss at the end of the second date
• lots of sexual tension and flirting with him suggesting to going back to his place

• conversation dried up
• I was up for more dates but he seemed reluctant so called him out on it and said it’s OK if he is not interested
• he came back saying that he appreciated my honesty/directness and he thinks I’m cool, chats were good but he is busy and doesn’t feel a spark
• all good, wished him well

I am thinking though that I could really benefit from a casual set up.

What are the thoughts on this?

pros:
• he expresses desire to take things further on those dates and we nearly did on the second one
• he seemed like a down to earth, genuine guy and not a twat
• I liked him but to be honest I wasn’t feeling the spark either. Definitely not for a long term relationship but I liked the flirting and the game and wanted to carry on with that.

cons:
• will I look desperate? But then who cares, if he says no or doesn’t respond… I am never going to see him again
• there are definitely more cons but I can’t think of anymore

Realistically the chances of him getting back to me are slim. Not sure what he is looking for, we never actually discussed. But I think if I shoot my shot at least I tried ?

TIA for any advice x

I think that would be grim if he's rejected you and even you admit there was no spark.

Nah. He will likely think you are trying to get him to eventually come round to a more serious thing.

Surely your profiles have what level of relationship you are seeking? Change yours to casual and find someone on the same page from the off.

Leave him be, find a new fuck buddy.

As long as you can handle the answer going either way, I don't see the harm in asking. However, I think a lot of us kid ourselves we can handle rejection a lot better than we think we can.

It’s a bit…sad, no? Yes, it’ll look desperate. He might agree, shag you and treat you disrespectfully, which I suspect you’d find quite depressing.

There’s plenty of men in the world who haven’t already rejected you. Perhaps have casual sex with one of them.

Urgh, is this what passes for dating now? It sounds grim.

Sorry OP but no no no.

This man has told you he’s not interested and you’re happy to say ‘that’s ok just shag me when you feel like it’ It reeks of desperation

If this was the other way round and he was asking you to be his fuck buddy after rejecting you, every response would be run a mile

Give it time, it might just end up happening naturally.
Even later down the line you might end up chatting and at that point you could mention a casual thing but if things have just ended I would give him some space.

This is your second thread about this man in as many days. There is nothing casual about that. As people said on the other thread, you told him it's fine if he's not interested and he told you he's not interested. Whatever it was or might have been is dead in the water.

Causal - I thought you were after a new medication from a GP and came on to find out what it did!

Casual? As in a shag? Nah, mate, get yourself a decent vibrator and sort yourself out.

But he says no spark, so how’s that going to work? It sounds like you might have felt a bit more attraction than he did. No shame in that but yes if you go back to him you will look desperate.

You’re overthinking this, find someone better.

Yes it's stupid... He doesn't fancy you!!!

Short of him painting it on a banner and hanging it outside your house, what are you looking for here OP? Stop flogging a dead horse.

You said there is no spark. So why would you?
I imagine there are plenty of opportunities for casual relationships rather than begging someone who has already told you that he is not interested.

I was also wondering what causal meant! Did she really mean casual?

Op in the kindest way leave the man alone and move on he dont want you.
I said this on your other thread.
You started to sound like a sex pest.

'pros:
• he expresses desire to take things further on those dates and we nearly did on the second one
• he seemed like a down to earth, genuine guy and not a twat
• I liked him but to be honest I wasn’t feeling the spark either. Definitely not for a long term relationship but I liked the flirting and the game and wanted to carry on with that.'

None of these are pros.
'not a twat' is the absolute bare minimum in a boyfriend.

Never offer yourself up to a man who is already uninterested. It's a guaranteed way to destroy your self esteem.

What other thread? @letslaughitoff and @PinkArt ?

Thanks for all the views on this though. It’s pretty grounding…

@Anniebellss i didn’t finish reading after I read he said “no spark “
Thats the deal breaker .
There is no causal or anything serious without the spark.

So no absolutely do NOT message him
again.

OP, it's very clear from both this and your other thread that he doesn't want any kind of relationship with you, either casual or otherwise.

Forget him and move on. It is weird to keep fixating on him like this when he has made his feelings completely clear.

There is no confusion, things have not been left open. He isn't interested.

If you want casual sex with someone, you can find someone else for that. There is no shortage of men looking for it. Don't go pestering someone who has very clearly told you he doesn't feel any attraction to you.

I don't think he felt the same sexual tension that you did, at all.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5281171-that-this-confused-him?reply=142412831

This one. Different user name but it's definitely you.

Don’t do it. It makes you look desperate.

If the roles were reversed:

Man: Hey I’ve really enjoyed our dates, I really like you and can feel the spark. I’m wanting to take things further and see each other more.

Woman: Hey I think you’re a really cool guy, I appreciate your message, however I’m not feeling the same spark so don’t want to continue things. I wish you well.

Man: No worries. Do you fancy some casual sex instead?

Creep Alert! Please don’t be a creep OP. Get yourself on some hook-up sites if you want some casual shags.

I am cringing for you that would consider asking a man who has said he's not interested to shag you anyway. He has said you aren't for him. Please don't beg.

If you did this it would make you look desperate. You should have more respect for yourself

This puts it so well 😂