To ask for causal?

[Anniebellss]

Am I being unreasonable/stupid to ask a guy if he fancies causal after he rejected me?

Don’t want to write a ridiculously long post so going to do bullet points.

• met a guy on OLD
• 2 dates, both of them good vibes, lots of laugh, good chats and kiss at the end of the second date
• lots of sexual tension and flirting with him suggesting to going back to his place

• conversation dried up
• I was up for more dates but he seemed reluctant so called him out on it and said it’s OK if he is not interested
• he came back saying that he appreciated my honesty/directness and he thinks I’m cool, chats were good but he is busy and doesn’t feel a spark
• all good, wished him well

I am thinking though that I could really benefit from a casual set up.

What are the thoughts on this?

pros:
• he expresses desire to take things further on those dates and we nearly did on the second one
• he seemed like a down to earth, genuine guy and not a twat
• I liked him but to be honest I wasn’t feeling the spark either. Definitely not for a long term relationship but I liked the flirting and the game and wanted to carry on with that.

cons:
• will I look desperate? But then who cares, if he says no or doesn’t respond… I am never going to see him again
• there are definitely more cons but I can’t think of anymore

Realistically the chances of him getting back to me are slim. Not sure what he is looking for, we never actually discussed. But I think if I shoot my shot at least I tried ?

TIA for any advice x

No, you probably are convincing yourself that you just want casual. But, secretly hopefully it would lead to more.

FWB only work if you are very honest up front, and he has been.

As above, you've already posted about this.
If you suggest something casual, you will come across as absolutely desperate.
Move. On.

Absolutely don’t lower yourself.

Hell no. If he said he wasn't interested leave it there. Definitely don't say ok how about a shag then.

This.

Yes, I think you will look a bit desperate

There must be other men who want a casual / FWB thing

I don't think pursuing a man for a casual no-strings fling is desperate, nor would I be worried about being judged as such. It's OK to want casual sex. I don't know why I'd bother if I didn't feel any spark, the dating had fizzled out and he didn't give any indication he wanted a casual fling, though.

Agree it isn't about it being casual sex - it's about asking someone for casual sex who you have no chemistry with and who has rejected you already. That's the 'desperate' bit

Ah ... casual!

You deserve better. You really do. Do you have a daughter? Imagine you did, how much you loved her and how you would feel if she asked you this x

Stop flogging a dead horse. It won't end well.

Absolutely flummoxed as to why you would want a casual whatever with a guy you don't feel a spark for and who doesn't feel a spark for you?

Your time would be better spend working on your self-esteem.

He has told you he has zero interest in you. (Nicer than that but the same message).

He's either looking for something else and/or has no interest in even a casual relationship with you.

Don't humiliate yourself by asking unless you are completely OK with being ignored or getting a negative response.

Never be a pity lay!