Lone parents with two children and parties

[UniqueMaker]

I was wondering what's the etiquette with having a single parent with two children, no support and birthday parties?

In short I've just had a rant by another single mum because I said some parties the siblings aren't invited.

I personally don't think anyone has responsibility for anyone's lack of support and neither should they have to invite both siblings to a party, even if parent pays.

If you expect the parent to stay then then they have to bring the other kids?

Are the parties drop off?
Zero reason for entire families to look on it as a day out.

Of course the sibling doesn't come unless invited. That's rude. If the parent has to stay parent occupies. The sibling. Otherwise parent drops child at party and leaves.

I've always messaged the parent saying they would love to come, explained my circumstances, saying I can leave them there or I can pay for my other child if you'd like me to stay. Otherwise happy to decline if neither can be accommodated.

Yep.

Is there really a time when a party is booked and only one parent is allowed without other children?

Guess not.
I don't know just had a rant directed at me by a fellow single mum.

Yes I don't know why my single mum ex friend thought that to mean that I thought only one child and one parent. She's acting as if she's the only one who is a single mum and that other families don't have other commitments, even in dual parents

She sounds bonkers.

I don't know.

The situation is that we were talking about parties in a group chat for single parents and I made a comment about siblings, which one other person mean siblings of the birthday child's and she took it to mean invited siblings and that I'm somehow excluding them.

Apparently I should be "more understanding" as I'm a single mum.

Was a right rant and I've unjoined

I’ll be completely honest I’d have absolutely no idea who in my dc’s class had a parent who was a single parent unless someone raised the issue.

And just because someone is single doesn’t mean they don’t have a co-parent or other family around. One of my dc’s friends is a single mum and she has so much family help from both sets of grandparents that I’d say she has her children fewer days a week than everyone else does. She’s off most weekends in Glasgow or London or wherever at a gig to see some band. She’d have no trouble turning up to a party without one of the other 4 kids. Certainly more likely to be able to do it than Dh or I who have no family help. 😂

That said, sometimes it just can’t work to invite siblings but people can always ask and I’d always try to make it work if I was hosting.

I did explain my sil had a party at a swimming pool and obviously set numbers, but mum still dropped off her two children, which is obviously very awkward.

But she didn't apologize for her rant so I just slipped out

Exactly.

She's got no support from her ex's family or her own family, but still, it's hard but that's life

We're in a military area so for DC classmates it's fairly common for one parent to be away and often grandparents etc aren't nearby.

No one is obliged to accommodate siblings at parties but that will inevitably lead to some parents declining the invite.

My thinking is that if you want a good turnout and for your DCs friends to attend, it's worth trying to squeeze the siblings in for the activity at least, but not the party tea or party bags. Especially if parent offers to pay e.g. soft play entry.

By about Year 2 parents are starting to drop and run anyway so less of an issue.

There are so many options, not just for line parents, but for those whose partners work weekends etc.

1. Drop invited child off, pick up at the end.
2. Arrange for another parent to keep an eye on my invited child, I drop off and pick up.
3. Arrange play date for sibling, do party with invited child. (Rare option!)
4. Bring sibling, park them in front of tablet/homework and sit next to them (eg for parties in a hall).
5. Pay for sibling to enter on own merit (eg soft play/trampoline park). Can be tricky if the party guests go to a party room, but generally another party parent is happy to keep an eye on invited child and message me if needed.

Sometimes party child’s parents invite sibling to join in/have some food, but certainly not expected, especially in pay to enter places. Your friend is BVU.

Depends on the party.

Activity place of any kind, you usually buy your ticket and your child, and keep them well out of the way. People do that all the time.

Rented hall, you take your child with you and sit him down next to you with a tablet or a book

House? It's rare they expect parents to stay, but you just ASK the host.

On MN, everyone drops off. In my experience, locally, it's unbelievably rude to drop off and run, and frankly no one does house party anyway.

What if it's soft play, and parent has to stay?

She thought that I thought that if it was a soft play event than only her and her invited child could come..... Which seems bizarre to think like that but to be honest it is also what some parents expect

if they rented the whole place exclusively, you occupy the other child with a book or a tablet

If it's open to the public, you let your child play telling him to stay out of the way. You can even take a friend then.

I wouldn't bother trying to argue with someone who had the cheek to drop two children off at a party where only one was invited. Leaving the group was wise.

I'm a single parent and it can be tricky but I would never moan at someone because my child wasn't invited!

If I can't drop off my child I pull in favours from my mum, or friends, sometimes my ex has helped, if it's a public venue like a big soft play I have taken my other child and paid for them. Only if I have exhausted all the options do I ask if there's any possibility my other child can attend and I certainly don't expect it.

I have tried my hardest to build my own village so I have people to ask.

I often had to take both to a party when I needed to stay. Eldest has allergies. But I always paid for the youngest and kept them out of mischief.

If it's a ticket type event where the host pays per child, then if the mum wants/has to bring the sibling they should say so in advance. I wouldn't want to exclude single mums who can't get childcare but would need to know numbers. If I had a budget per kid I'd hope they would offer to pay for the extra ones they brought. If it was just a picnic or hall or at my house then the extra kids family wouldn't need to pay but I'd still want notice.

It wasn't her. This happened to my sil. ... Hence why I know of the drama between parties and parents. I've always been the adult help for about 8 years and seen and heard so much!

Ok what if you have a party for 20 but than 10 needed siblings to come?

Or it was a party whereby both children needed looking after bit separate areas (eg party room etc).

Yeah maybe she doesn't have that as she was talking that she doesn't need it highlighted that she's on her own etc.

I don't either but I can always ask for emergency childcare from siblings.