To be annoyed by DH phone scrolling

[Carryingcarrying]

Every night when we go to bed, DH will sit on his phone and scroll. For like an hour - light on on his phone. I just feel like I can’t relax or sleep. It’s the little movements, light from the phone and knowing he’s up. I told him to stop last night and he slept on the sofa but I’m fed up and want to put a no device in bed rule. I find it really selfish. AIBU? I wouldn’t mind 5 mins but coming to bed with no intention and keeping the other person up feels so selfish to me. I’m just someone who can’t sleep knowing he’s awake.

Indeed. But when two peoples wishes for use of a shared space conflict, there needs to be a means of deciding who gets priority. Seems sensible to me that wanting to use it for its primary purpose, and being the only place reasonable to serve that purpose wins out. Stopping a person from sleeping in bed because you want to do an activity in bed that you could do elsewhere is unreasonable.

You don’t get to impose rules on your husband. He’s a grown up.

Have you tried using one of those silk eye masks to keep the light out?

I agree with you. If it was just 5 or 10 minutes, not so bad, but 1 hr? It's not too much to ask if he could do this downstairs instead. You're going to the bedroom to sleep, not to see a blue flickering light show.

It’s the opposite in our house and I’m the mindless scroller. I’d be pretty pissed if DH started policing it. He goes to sleep before me, pretty much always has. That’s just how it is.

But does it bother him? If it doesn’t bother him and it doesn’t keep him up , I see absolutely no problem with that. My DH wouldn’t be bothered either if I did it as he can sleep with lights on , literally anywhere. I can’t and I need my sleep and I go up to bed to sleep.

Separate bedrooms is a game changer for relationship harmony I think when you're not compatible bed companions. If you have a spare room then I'd definitely toss for it.

Its so selfish, sleep should always be prioritised over mindless scrolling

Surely her dh is imposing his rules on her?

Spare room for the tosser, in every sense

I don't see it has anything to do with policing or imposing rules.

It's just asking for a bit of consideration. We're talking about phone scrolling, not some illness, or uncontrollable or essential behaviour.

It's not a hardship to scroll in another room. And people mindlessly scrolling their phones are usually so focused to be unaware of their surroundings anyway.

Have you tried an eye mask op? And asking him to stop using his entire body to scroll and just move one finger?

Or ask him to turn the brightness down, put it in night mode, and just turn away from his direction?

Imposing rules on OP would be telling her she had to use her phone too. He’s allowing OP to do what she wants. OP wants to tell her DH to also do what she wants.

See the difference? Being inconsiderate is not the same as imposing a rule.

He's keeping someone awake, she isn't

That would keep me awake tbh. I read to sleep, if I had to stay downstairs to read til I felt sleepy, by the time I've got upstairs I'd be fully awake again. And I'd wake DP up by getting in bed.

Both happy if I read, with screen dimmed, DP just faces away. This should work for anyone who isn't actually Dracula or minus their eyelids 😬

I think it's inconsiderate of him to do something that's going to prevent another person from sleeping, get up and do it elsewhere. It's not about you controlling what he does, it's the decent thing to do.

Yes i love a book at bedtime

You’ll be glad to know we had a grown up conversation…

We have a good solution… I said I can’t sleep when he’s up on his phone or iPad, laptop. I just can’t relax and get to sleep- no problem acknowledging that’s a me thing and I might be an anomaly here. He said he’ll either go up an hour earlier than the time we want to sleep to scroll in bed so when it’s time to turn the light on and sleep we both do; or- he will stay downstairs / seperate room and come through much later and sleep. So it’s sorted- little baffled by those saying it’s controlling to ask someone to not scroll and play on their phone when you are trying to sleep next to them, but appreciate we all come from different backgrounds / relationships and this behaviour to them might be seen as this.

Mine gets in from night shift climbs in bed while I'm asleep already and watches things on his phone for 30 mins before he fall asleep, I'm a need a silent room kind of person so it wakes me and I find it so irritating :/

Your not his mum.
What is it lately with mn seems to have turned in to some bully game at men.
Are some women only happy when his pay day comes and they can control everything and blame him.
There ive said it.

I don't mind DH scrolling in bed as I have my eyes shut and just fall asleep. But it pissed me off no end when he sits on the sofa scrolling whilst we are watching tv. Either do one or the other.

I don't use them at home as we have blackout curtains, but having recently spent nine nights in a six bed bay on a hospital ward, a sleep mask and ear plugs were absolutely essential!

Said what?! That’s mental. It’s not bullying to ask him to not have a screen on whilst you’re trying to sleep if it affects the other person. Some people won’t care at all and some (- as you can see both sides from the thread- ) do care as they can’t sleep. My husband asked me to not watch ahead of him when we’re watching a Netflix series- would that be controlling of him?!

I love my DH very much and we have the most loving , fair , kind, balanced relationship. Unsure what you mean about payday- I don’t rely on his salary? And blame him for what? He’s the best husband I could ask for- great father- does everything for our family and as do I . We’re both from lovely backgrounds and have a solid - healthy relationship.

I think you’ve gone down a very strange path

If my husband or I can't sleep or wake up in the night we may end up scrolling on our phones whilst the other goes to sleep.

However, we silence the phones and turn the brightness to minimum.

We are laid down in bed and have tried to get to sleep. I wouldn't want my husband to be sat up in bed doing this as I'm trying to fall sleep.

Did you see the part of the post you quoted where I acknowledged he was being unreasonable?

OP I'm the same, I need dark and quiet to sleep.

DH was a bed scroller when I met him. I cannot fall asleep with the light from the phone in my peripheral vision (yes with my eyes closed) and the constant micromovements.

That's why we don't often go to bed at the same time. We did discuss it a lot and the deal is if I've gone up to bed before him, no scrolling is allowed, just bed time. Most days he's up first and I give him about 40 mins to scroll before I come up. He's usually asleep by then, but if he's not the phone has to go away.

The bed is for sleeping. If you aren't ready for bed, don't get it in it imo.

The above compromise works for us, generally we're both getting what we want.