Page 3 | Got to the point of just thinking what's the point anymore? Life is unaffordable.

malificent7 · 23/02/2025 18:14

It is a struggle right now for so many. The weather dosn't help.Febuary half term is the worst due to weather.

Original poster

user1630101 · 23/02/2025 18:15

@REDB99 I think you are confusing me with another poster as I've not mentioned about wanting to eat out etc. we're at a point we are struggling to put food on the table despite working all hours. Our outgoings are just too high. So it's really not a case of just wanting to go out for dinner.

OP posts:

KateTrain · 23/02/2025 18:33

I think @REDB99 's post was aimed at me.

Yes I do indeed absolutely treasure being at home, in a loving (privately rented) home with my kids, and serving up a meal (even if if I've had to borrow the last few pence of my £500 overdraft to put food on the table). It's not that I "want a meal out". I was just saying if both parents work at least 100 hours a week between them, in what others would class as 'good careers', it would be nice to be able to afford a Wetherspoon's lunch once in a half-term.

You compare life to the 80s/90s but it's not the same at all. My dad worked full time as a plumber, my mum didn't work at all, and we had holidays abroad and a 4 bed detached home with a very manageable mortgage. It's very much not the same. I don't think you understand what we mean here - it's not about 'wanting a meal out', it's about having money to even hear our homes, buy food, or not panic when we need to buy another pair of school shoes

KateTrain · 23/02/2025 18:34

*heat our homes

REDB99 · 23/02/2025 19:13

KateTrain · 23/02/2025 18:33

I think @REDB99 's post was aimed at me.

Yes I do indeed absolutely treasure being at home, in a loving (privately rented) home with my kids, and serving up a meal (even if if I've had to borrow the last few pence of my £500 overdraft to put food on the table). It's not that I "want a meal out". I was just saying if both parents work at least 100 hours a week between them, in what others would class as 'good careers', it would be nice to be able to afford a Wetherspoon's lunch once in a half-term.

You compare life to the 80s/90s but it's not the same at all. My dad worked full time as a plumber, my mum didn't work at all, and we had holidays abroad and a 4 bed detached home with a very manageable mortgage. It's very much not the same. I don't think you understand what we mean here - it's not about 'wanting a meal out', it's about having money to even hear our homes, buy food, or not panic when we need to buy another pair of school shoes

Your dad worked full time and your mum didn’t work and you lived in a 4 bedroom house with holidays abroad? Both of my parents worked, we shared bedrooms, we never went abroad, we never went out. The coal fire was lit to keep one room warm - yes, this was the 1980s!
You want what your parents gave you, you assume that all kids grew up as you did, you look at the past and thing that having it all was affordable on one wage and now feel hard done by that you can’t have the same now. Well guess what? There was poverty in the 1980s, there were parents who took loans out to pay for Christmas, who didn’t put the heating on, who couldn’t afford to take their kids on holiday.

Life has been unaffordable for many people in every decade, it isn’t any different now.

Livelovebehappy · 23/02/2025 19:49

CottonCandyCrank · 23/02/2025 18:00

That must be hard and I'm sorry your going through that... But telling me to "get a grip" is rude! Making me feel like my feeling of unworthiness, uselessness and the struggles im going through mentally are invalid is wrong.

I wanted to let the OP know that she isn't alone.

It is absolutely no wonder people don't speak out and just decide to quietly end their lives alone because they are worried about speaking out about feeling depressed or are struggling, when people like you comment unnecessary things like get a grip! You don't think I've tried to get in control of my mental state and told myself that exact phase... like its so easy to just feel ok when your head disagrees.

This is what's wrong in the world.

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To be fair the poster wasnt saying they had a problem with you expressing how depressed you are. It was the comment made about possibl your life insurance paying out. I guess for people struggling with a terminal life shortening illness, the comment would obviously trigger them.

roselilylavender · 23/02/2025 20:01

Nothing to add, OP, other than to say that I have always found Feb half term particularly dismal. Keeping DC entertained when it is wet and cold is a struggle. Any activity costs £££, is really busy and needs to be booked in advance. Which, unless you live in a major city like London, leaves you with going to the local park where no doubt you have been thousands of times before. In a few weeks time, the equipment in the local park will be exactly the same but at least it will be warmer and then you can arrange to meet a friend there and have some solidarity.

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 23/02/2025 20:12

REDB99 · 23/02/2025 19:13

Your dad worked full time and your mum didn’t work and you lived in a 4 bedroom house with holidays abroad? Both of my parents worked, we shared bedrooms, we never went abroad, we never went out. The coal fire was lit to keep one room warm - yes, this was the 1980s!
You want what your parents gave you, you assume that all kids grew up as you did, you look at the past and thing that having it all was affordable on one wage and now feel hard done by that you can’t have the same now. Well guess what? There was poverty in the 1980s, there were parents who took loans out to pay for Christmas, who didn’t put the heating on, who couldn’t afford to take their kids on holiday.

Life has been unaffordable for many people in every decade, it isn’t any different now.

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What's so wrong with her wanting to give her children the same childhood she had?

We get there's always been poverty, that there are always people worse off but it doesn't stop people wanting to give their children what they had, or wanting to have what they had growing up.

I grew up in a very privileged childhood, I get that. I'd love to have just half of what my parents had when I was growing up. Even my parents generation realise that children don't have the same opportunities as they did, as bloody house prices are the main killer for people's money!

ChangingHistory · 23/02/2025 20:13

When does your dmp end?

If you cannot live on what you have left you are paying too much towards your debts. It needs to be rearranged or you need a more final plan - IVA (with care!) or bankruptcy.

People get into debt for all sorts of reasons but you are not to be punished for it. If you've no hope of getting your debt paid off in a reasonable time you need to do something.

CottonCandyCrank · 23/02/2025 20:16

I never said I wish for it to pay out though? Maybe someone else did? I just said it's terrible that that's the only way I could see my family being financially stable is through that which is obscene.

For her to tell me to "get a grip" because I feel shit about depression and the reality living with it, finance struggles and life in general is not nice. Life is tough for many.

HairOfFineStraw · 23/02/2025 20:25

roselilylavender · 23/02/2025 20:01

Nothing to add, OP, other than to say that I have always found Feb half term particularly dismal. Keeping DC entertained when it is wet and cold is a struggle. Any activity costs £££, is really busy and needs to be booked in advance. Which, unless you live in a major city like London, leaves you with going to the local park where no doubt you have been thousands of times before. In a few weeks time, the equipment in the local park will be exactly the same but at least it will be warmer and then you can arrange to meet a friend there and have some solidarity.

Disagree. In a few weeks time the playground is even worse. Every time we are there, another apparatus is taken away, boarded up or snapped off. The council has just given up. 🥺

iamnotalemon · 23/02/2025 20:42

Sorry you're having a crappy time! Please go and see your GP. Moneysavingexpert is a great website with loads of advice, or you can just chat to others in the same boat. It hugely helped me when I was in debt that's for sure x

PassingStranger · 23/02/2025 21:45

user1630101 · 23/02/2025 11:45

Just as the title says really. Been in a financial shit show for the past god knows how long. Every time we think we're getting on top of things something else crops up and we end up right back where we started. Both spend all hours working but end up not being able to go out or do anything with the dc ever because we have no money left after bills and debts. Got to the point the last few weeks I can barely be bothered to get out of bed most mornings because I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Not even looking for advice as we've tried everything, on debt management plans etc but nothing is working and nothing is getting easier. Just needed to say it out loud really because DH moans about it but won't actually look at the finances or go through it with me as it stresses him too much. Just needed to moan.

Not everything has to cost money when you go out...
There was a thread on here about free things to do a few weeks ago.

PassingStranger · 23/02/2025 21:46

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 23/02/2025 20:12

What's so wrong with her wanting to give her children the same childhood she had?

We get there's always been poverty, that there are always people worse off but it doesn't stop people wanting to give their children what they had, or wanting to have what they had growing up.

I grew up in a very privileged childhood, I get that. I'd love to have just half of what my parents had when I was growing up. Even my parents generation realise that children don't have the same opportunities as they did, as bloody house prices are the main killer for people's money!

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Children have different opportunities today.

PassingStranger · 23/02/2025 21:50

KateTrain · 23/02/2025 14:42

Feel exactly the same! Husband and I both work full time hours, plus overtime. I took Feb half-term as annual leave to spend with the kids, and made a nice little list in my phone of everything we'd like to do (London on a train etc!).

instead we haven't been able to do anything on my 'list of plans' and I've felt unbelievably low all week. Raiding the last pennies to buy food for decent meals.

The little one has been happy with park visits which cost nothing, and the teenagers go out and do their own thing. But I just wish I could have used this time to have taken us all out for a pub lunch, or given the older kids cash to go on activity with their mates.

A warm house with food on the table, and mum not at work, has been a nice half-term in many ways. But bloody hell, we've both got good jobs - surely we should be able to do more.

Get the teenagers earning their own money.

Nanny1983 · 23/02/2025 21:53

I get this feeling . I’ve just been made redundant and right now if I claim benefits they only pay £500 towards my £750 per month rent and so then I can claim £400 a month but £250 has got to go to rent so I’m left with £150 for a whole month ..

But then I’m doing a carers assessment with social services to foster my Grandchild right now so getting another job is out of the question as I have contact 3 times a week and court cases and panel meetings looming . So looks like living on £150 a month to pay all my other bills and food and keep my dog :(

Life is just soooo expensive right now , and in September my landlord will put up my rent again … great !!!

echt · 23/02/2025 21:56

Just needed to say it out loud really because DH moans about it but won't actually look at the finances or go through it with me as it stresses him too much

There's your problem @user1630101 and things can't get better until this changes.
I'm not suggesting it's easy, but it's the first step.

Bjorkdidit · 23/02/2025 22:13

ChangingHistory · 23/02/2025 20:13

When does your dmp end?

If you cannot live on what you have left you are paying too much towards your debts. It needs to be rearranged or you need a more final plan - IVA (with care!) or bankruptcy.

People get into debt for all sorts of reasons but you are not to be punished for it. If you've no hope of getting your debt paid off in a reasonable time you need to do something.

This. Formal debt solutions should allow a reasonable lifestyle with sufficient money for a sustainable budget including a modest amount for days out, white goods replacement, car maintenance etc.

If this isn't the case, go back to whoever is running your DMP and ask to update your budget.

BorgQueen · 24/02/2025 10:43

As I said before, a self managed DMP is much better than even the debt charity ones.
Bankruptcy can be a good option too, if you have no equity in your home then you can keep it.

If your credit is fucked anyway then 6 years is nothing in order to have peace of mind.
If you can’t afford the debt then STOP paying.