To think being ‘overprotected’ doesn’t mean having sanitary towels bought for you?

[GiveUs]

I had severe depression as a younger adult and was under the psychiatrists.

My mum thought the cause of this was the fact she’d ’overprotected’ me as a child.
Back then, I didn’t know the proper meaning of ‘overprotective’ then because in my early 20s - it just wasn’t a word I was particularly used to.

To illustrate that she’d been ‘overprotective’ - she used the definition of having bought my sanitary towels!!

Am I to think it’s a daft and inaccurate definition of ‘overprotective’?

Yes, odd. Being over protective would be never letting you be exposed to upset or perhaps preventing you from doing anything with risk attached. Not providing you with basic sanitary items.

Do you think there was any truth to what she said? I mean, most people would start buying their own sanitary towels etc. at 18 if working/at uni I would have thought.

I use to buy my girls sanitary products in the weekly shop when they lived at home .

Yeah, that’s a basic need not an example of being overprotective.

I’m so sorry.

how she can make your mental health all about her is astounding.

do you have kids yourself? I found I questioned an AWFUL lot of my childhood once I had my ds.

heck, he’s 19 now and earning a few bob before he takes the next steps to Uni etc, and his girlfriend has moved in with us because her home wasn’t safe. I told her last night if she needs anything at all and hasn’t got the cash, to tell me and I’ll add it to the shop.

you know your mum is in the wrong here. How you process that? Not sure, but just take it slowly. This is not your fault love.

i sincerely hope that you’re doing better, on the mend and learning to love yourself.

we don’t always get the parents we need. That’s on them, not on us. We need to be the kindness to ourselves

No I bought my own sanitary items I think

When I was 18 I was working a 60 hour week from 2 jobs

Over protective for a young adult is dissuading you from going on holiday with your friends or from moving to another city for a job.

Unless you found buying sanitary towels difficult and she wanted to protect you from that I don't see what she means.

Yes and no. I buy sanitary protection as part of the weekly shop.

I understand that for an early teenage girl it is embarrassing, but their does come a point where if you still need to get your mummy to always buy sanitary protection, because you can’t cope with the embarrassment of putting it in front of the cashier, then actually yes.

So at 13 it isn’t over protective but at 23 it is beyond a joke. I would say 15/16 is the absolute latest age for this.

I mean if she were buying them and posting them off to you in uni to protect you from perceived embarrassment or trauma of having to go to the counter yourself that could be over protective I guess. Buying them as part of ordinary household shopping no

Thank you

She made everything about her. She used to get drunk and aggressive yet we were all expected to turn a blind eye to it.

i once pointed out when I was in primary school she was drunk and all I got was a cold stern response

My aunt was overprotective. I got a frantic call from her one Friday evening as she couldn't get in contact with my cousin. She was calling all her friends and relatives. My cousin was 27 and had her phone off as she was at choir practice.

Buying them as you found it too embarrassing to go into the shop for them... overprotective

Buying them as part of the weekly shop... normal

🤣no she was never posting them to me at uni

My sympathies. My mother is the same/similar. Quick to point out our “failures,”and “blames herself for just being such a bloody good mother and being too nice to us” 🙄

The reality is she had her own mental health issues, neglected us and smacked the shit out of us brutally and often. Refuses to take responsibility for that, denies it and when given specific examples says she did her best and blames everything and everyone else. I rarely speak to her or see her now and that helps.

This is ridiculous. I didn't buy my own sanitary protection at 15/16 because I didn't have any money. I can't remember if my mum bought them through uni or not but i wouldn't have complained if she did!

Buying or not buying sanitary protection has absolutely nothing to do with being over protected and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with having severe depression.

The severed depression may however have something to do with having a mother who makes everything all about her and takes no responsibility for anything OP.

You’re mostly correct- although unnecessarily hostile.

I didn’t have all the information from OP when I wrote my post, and I think her mother being an alcoholic is actually the important thing here, not whether (or not) OP was too embarrassed to go into a shop.

Ah, so now we get to it. You were depressed at least in part because your mum drank and was an aggressive drunk. She doesn't want to admit that so comes up with stories like this overprotective one.

I would find a counsellor to talk through your childhood experiences, if you haven't already.

Thank you - yes spot on 🙌

By overprotected did she mean more from responsibilities than danger I'd assume?
So eg if a mum routinely tidies a teenagers room, makes sure they have everything they need each day at school, always cooks for them even if they want a separate meal to the family etc then the teenager is sheltered from learning to do necessary but boring things/organise their own life to an extent

Edited to say - I don't mean never doing or helping with these things, but if responsibility is never given for basic things and they continue to always treat them like a younger fully dependant child.

My dad used to do the daily shopping, and he would buy me whatever hygiene products I needed - sanitary towels, tampons, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant and the like. He did this until I moved away from home at 19.

I now hold a masters degree and a job. I'm married and have a child. And no particular mental health issues.

I don't think your mum is right. I doubt you get sick as an adult from having had parents who took care of you as a child/youth.

Sounds like your mum is telling herself stupid stories to make herself feel better because the truth (her alcohol problems) is too difficult to face head on.

Definitely

Easier for her to rewrite history and say 'Oh, I cared about and looked after you too much' than say 'I was a useless drunk who terrorised everybody around me', isn't it?

After all, it puts your depression down to a failing in your character/you being emotionally weak/not resilient enough rather than a perfectly reasonable consequence of being in a constantly stressful and completely neglectful/abusive situation of her making.

I'll probably buy my daughters sanitary towels until she moves out.

My 19 year old son buys his own stuff only because he likes to come shopping with me and has his own money..but essentials for personal care i just buy for everyone regardless of age