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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Forever homes

48 replies

Neitherhere · 23/02/2025 10:28

I'm I unreasonable in thinking there is no such thing as a Forever Home?

We bought our "Forever Home" 3 years ago and got into a mini bidding war to get it. We were so sure it was our Forever Home. We spent a lot of money doing it up. However, we are both starting to think about our next "Forever Home". We like our current home but the not-so-nice side of the surroundings have become more evident and while they are not horrible, they take the shine off living where we are.

AIBU to say that Forever Homes do not exist. They may be "Forever" for only a moment and generally people should not get so emotionally attached to a house that they pay more than is necessary for it. We did not over pay for our home but we could have paid less.

Is your Forever Home still your Forever Home?

OP posts:

sometimesmovingforwards · 23/02/2025 10:32

I’ve never had a forever home and never will.
Life is a series of chapters, so the size, location and type of dwelling where I live, will play second fiddle to the life I want at that time, not the other way round.

I’d not bring up children in my city apartment.
But similarly I don’t want to be rattling round a 6 bedroom family house located for its excellent schools when the kids have grown and flown.

RatedDoingMagic · 23/02/2025 10:33

No home is really a "forever" home and it's silly to get over-attached to any building, let alone getting into a bidding war over one. For most people, if you have the same property when you are in your 80s as you did in your 70s, 60s 50s, 40s and 30s you aren't making good decisions.

KimberleyClark · 23/02/2025 10:35

We live in the same house we bought together when we married. We’ve been married 35 years and do not envisage ever moving. So yes it is a forever home.

Meadowfinch · 23/02/2025 10:36

yanbu

I know one person who has a 'forever home' but he and his family have owned it for 400 years. He grew up there, lived elsewhere between 18 & 45 then returned when his dm died and he took over the estate. Few of us could manage that, or would want to.

Otherwise, needs change. DS & I have lived in our house for 13 years. We'll stay for at least another two. Then I'll retire and he'll probably head off to uni. I might downsize then or after he graduates, but there is no point me living in a 4 bed house on my own. Too much hoovering & upkeep.

GoldMoon · 23/02/2025 10:39

I lived in a house for 19 years , then another for 10 .
12 years in this one. I've never called any forever , it's just home.
It is you that has put that title on it when in reality you never know what comes next in the chapters of life .

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/02/2025 10:44

This probably is my ‘forever’ home, if that means I hope only to be leaving it in a box. But that’s because we are both too old and too tired to contemplate the upheaval of dealing with buyers, sellers, conveyances, removal, packing, unpacking…..i did it in 2019 , and I don’t think I could face it six years on. We found a house that suits us in a pleasant environment, that will do.

We’ve had more than ten houses in three countries, I enjoyed most of them, we chose them to be appropriate for what we needed or wanted at the time. I didn’t think of any of them as ‘forever’, that would have been ignoring our life stages and what was suitable for one would not be suitable for another.

( Still enjoy a trail through Rightmove on a wet afternoon, though!)

SnoopySantaPaws · 23/02/2025 10:50

So you think because you made a mistake that no one should have a home they consider a forever home??

@RatedDoingMagic

or they made a very good decision!! Some people are able to think ahead more than others and can envisage different life stages and the spaces they will need and choose accordingly

Vaxtable · 23/02/2025 11:09

I have lived in my house 32 years. I can’t see myself moving so yes it’s my forever home

2025mustbebetter · 23/02/2025 11:19

We bought a 4 bed house which other people described as our forever home. Not for me though there's no way I'd keep it when my kids leave home. Why would I clean so many rooms when I dont need to! Current plan is to retire to a mobile home tbh. Sick of working to pay for my house!

Esdale · 23/02/2025 11:22

YANBU.

I plan on downsizing to a bungalow by the time we're 70/75 at the latest. If we make it til then, and if there are any bungalows left by then.

We have older relatives who live in houses with lots of empty bedrooms, lots of stuff, work that needs doing to the windows or roof etc that they don't want to pay for, gardens that are too big for them to maintain, who moan about the stress of the upkeep and not having any money. But they are too attached to their home to consider selling and downsizing to a more manageable place and enjoying the money from the house sale. Probably also too overwhelmed by the idea of selling it. It's sad and frustrating to listen to the moaning when they're sat in a house worth three times what a nice little bungalow would cost though.

Though who knows, that might be me too if I get to 80 😅.

AlpacaMittens · 23/02/2025 11:22

Obviously nothing is set in stone, but you can approach a house purchase as a "forever home" one if you're sure (as sure as you can be) that you don't intend to move for a number of years.

Or maybe better explained if you approach it from the perspective of - if you're buying a house but absolutely intending to sell it and move in 2 years, then you know beforehand that it's definitely not your forever home.

Floralnomad · 23/02/2025 11:23

We’ve lived in our house since the mid 90s , thus far I have no desire to move or downsize , can’t say what will happen though when we get old

Hibernatingtilspring · 23/02/2025 11:23

I moved around loads when I was renting, bought our first house thinking it was going to be short term on the ladder type deal and we're still here ten years later! I think not having children means that we don't have as many adjustments/phases as those that do, ie we're not going to outgrow it.
It probably won't be suitable if we're very elderly/disabled but unless theres a reason to relocate I could well see us staying here.

I look at how expensive houses/mortgages are now and can't imagine wanting to the risk of selling ours and not finding something we equally like.

rivalsbinge · 23/02/2025 11:25

My DH called our last house our forever home on day we moved in and it actually made me determined to move straight back out..

I really dislike that trapped feeling, just go with what right at the time and keep moving.

newkettleandtoaster · 23/02/2025 11:26

RatedDoingMagic · 23/02/2025 10:33

I don't think that's quite right.

I bought a dormer bungalow on a large plot in my late 20s.

Got it for a good price as it needed some work.

It worked well for us when it was just me, DP and the dog.

Now we have kids and are in a great school catchment, large garden, and once the kids were old enough we moved them to the bedrooms upstairs where they have some privacy.

When we are older, there is no need for us to go up the stairs if we can't manage them. Everything we need is on ground floor.

Bus stop at the end of the road, shop, library, doctors, dentist, pub and coffee shop all within easy walking distance.

We won't ever move and this house has been one of the best financial decisions we're ever made.

We've saved a fortune by not moving multiple times and paying stamp duty, conveyancing and estate agent fees every time

ssd · 23/02/2025 11:26

I hate the expression forever home. Its so wanky.

TamborineGal · 23/02/2025 11:28

Bricks and mortar can be a millstone round your neck.

It's liberating to adjust your location/home/house to suit your lifestyle.

Also makes you sort through accumulated 'stuff' which gets in your headspace.

2025mustbebetter · 23/02/2025 11:30

ssd · 23/02/2025 11:26

I hate the expression forever home. Its so wanky.

Agreed.

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 23/02/2025 11:32

For some people it will be a forever home. For us, our current house suits us and our pre teen kids well. When the kids are adults and have moved out, we will downsize otherwise we’ll be paying a mortgage until we’re in our 70s

Flyawaygreenhouse · 23/02/2025 11:32

I think it is difficult to do in the forever home is pushed. 'Buy a big forever home to grow your family'. But once your DC grow up, and you age, you may not want a huge house with upstairs bedrooms. And most of us don't know how many DC we want until we start trying for DC, we don't know how it will go and the DC we envisage are imaginary. It seems more likely that those that do not have DC and live in flats are more likely to keep their forever home. But these are not pushed as such.

BeaAndBen · 23/02/2025 11:32

Stupid phrase.

Saz12 · 23/02/2025 11:34

My parents had same house from when I was about 8 until a care home. Given stamp duty, etc, it's pretty good if you don't have to move!
But we stayed 17 years in last house, probably planning on 15 years here at most. We couldnt have have affordrd this house when we bought the last one. I'm also thinking DH parent(s) might move in with us if they need more help. And Im assuming we'll want a new adventure by then, ie around about retirement age. But who knows where life will take us?

DPotter · 23/02/2025 11:35

I think the concept of a 'forever home' is un-useful - as pp has said - life is a series of chapters, with each one requiring different things of our living arrangements. Never more so than when family has grown and moved on, with increasing physical frailty. You don't have to hang around the Elderly Parents board for too long to come across cases were the housing is totally inappropriate but the elderly person is refusing to move because 'it's the family home'.

What we don't have in this country is suitable accommodation for the frailer elderly to move into - but that's a whole different thread.

So no - YANBU

peudhrk · 23/02/2025 11:42

You only have to go on any thread talking about house purchases to know that plenty, most even, of people don't buy into the construct of forever home.

I think most people just use it as a term for a long term purchase, particularly at the child raising stage of their lives, likely the largest home they need in their lifetimes. I think most of us are trying to view how a home suits us in the long term from babies, children, teens, young adults etc, and when a house can see us through that it's often deemed a forever home, even though, the reality is many of us likely will move again be that due to change of lifestyle or to downsize.

For me it's a psychological thing, we moved a lot in our 20s, it took us a while to get to the house and location that could see out our family life, and whilst I think it's quite likely we'll need to move in future, it brings me a lot of comfort to think I don't HAVE to and that this is my home forever if I want it to be, until I don't.

sammylady37 · 23/02/2025 11:42

Having moved around various cities and rented accommodation for years, due to the nature of my training, I always said I wanted to only ever buy one house and put down my roots there. The phrase ‘forever home’ wasn’t in vogue at the time!

I waited until I had a permanent job in a workplace I liked, in an area that I loved. I then waited until a suitable house in a good location came up. I bought a modest bungalow on a decent-sized site, in a location that has what I need and want nearby, yet is away from a bustling urban area and has beautiful coastal views. It needed some renovation, which I did whilst living in the house, and within 11 years I had cleared the mortgage. This house could accommodate me if I had increased care needs in future. I very much intend it to be the only home I ever buy.

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