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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DP isn't really very happy about my mumsnet use. Who else gets the same feeling?

77 replies

lucyellensmum · 10/05/2008 10:24

Thats it really, he has never outwardly said "fuck me, id wish you would not do that" but he has made little comments about it taking up too much of my time and that he is not keen about me discussing our private life on here.

I know that there was Subaroos thread, about this, and i was going to post on there but i didnt want it to appear that i was not supporting her, her situation is blatantly quite different, and i only hope she returns soon having been a great support to me in the past few months.

It did make me wonder though about how our partners feel about it, i know i feel guilty about being on Mnet sometimes and my DP just doent get the attraction/addiction. So honestly girls, do you feel guilty about MN sometimes and what do your partners really think, if anything?

OP posts:

Psychomum5 · 10/05/2008 20:44

my DH doesn't get it either.

when I try to explain, he eye rolls.

when I say how much support people give and recieve, he says "how do you know that they are not just all axe murderers pretending??"

I say......you have footy, golf, PS2......I have books and MN!!!

he did however hide the laptop the other day.

I found it tho, cos I can read his mind

ranting · 10/05/2008 20:45

I don't think dh has an opinion about mn either way really, he knows my posting name and he sometimes reads things over my shoulder in passing, while I'm reading but, I wouldn't post anything on here that I wouldn't be happy for him to read. I get the impression he just thinks it's one of those things I do, like knitting, just like he has things he does, like play cricket and watch football.

He most certainly wouldn't bother going to the trouble of putting a keylogger on the pc, my mind boggles at that.

RustyBear · 10/05/2008 21:02

But we are helpful, supportive axe murderers, Psycho.....

readytoswiggin · 10/05/2008 21:04

My dh isn't keen, esp with the idea I might be discussing our personal life on here (some of which has not been good recently) but I think he has accepted that it is something I do. Having said that, he was whinging about being an OU widower the other day as I was frantically trying to finish an assessment

scottishmummy · 10/05/2008 21:08

boyfriend works long hours/away from home so i do as i wish. But wouldn't ignore him to go online with bunch of strangers

Judy1234 · 10/05/2008 21:09

There is internet addiction, you know just like addiction to gambling, sex, cocaine etc., There is a 12 step programme to deal with it and the same compulsions are seen in its use as with some other addictions. Therefore some people on MN will have that and use will be excessive and others won't.

Second issue is disclosure of marital secrets/disloyalty, crticising a partner on line and the risk someone you know will find out nd even if there is no such risk whether it['s wrong to do it. Would posters be happy if their husbands were posting elsewhere about the wives having put on 2 stone or not being very good at oral sex for example?

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 10/05/2008 21:27

psycho - rotfl about the axe murderer comment, i have a few male friends who i chat to on AOL IM, DP often says that i could be talking to a serial killer!! I am very open with DP about my online "friends", its just idle chit chat and mild flirtation, i would always, and often have, had these chats with him reading over my shoulder. I would HATE him to read my MN posts though, even if they are not about him, even if it isnt my thread. I dont know why, i think its because he doesnt take it seriously and would take the piss maybe.

I have to say though, despite Mnet being a great support for lots of reasons, i do find i feel better when i limit my use - i have tried this week to limit it to evenings when he puts DD to bed (he falls asleep up there so is up there for ages ) and i have to say, i do feel loads better and have got lots more done.

OP posts:

Divastrop · 10/05/2008 21:32

my dh calls it snobs net

he used to like the fact that i posted my paranoid rants on here rather than annoying him when i was very depressed,however he doesnt like me reading the relaionship threads as they have been known in the past to fuel my paranoia.he also doesnt understand why i am bothered by the opinions of people who could be a load of hairy truckers for all i know

however,he likes the fact i have something to do while he's playing world of wankcraft.

scottishmummy · 10/05/2008 21:37

lol SnobsNet mwaw mwaw air kissy to all you laydeesi am totally classy with wine avec Monster Munch (pickled onion actually)

AitchTwoCiao · 10/05/2008 21:39

dh would prefer i didn't but i tend to mn while i'm working (or when i'm taking a wee breather) so he can't complain. plus he is a lurker on forums to do with his interests.

if he put a keylogger on my computer i'd flip, but then i don't tend to say much about him on here i hope as i kind of think it's not my business to.

DontCallMeBaby · 10/05/2008 22:17

I don't think mine really knows about MN (my other online presence is of much longer standing that this one, so he knows about that one). He does now do the thing of happily saying 'oh, you can ask your online people' and really does expect the little people inside the computer to have the answer to just about everything (erm, as do I).

He did cause me to have a complete epiphany when DD was 2 by saying 'I just don't know why you want reassurance from these people who don't even know' and I thought well, it's because my entire bloody life I've NEVER had reassurance that I'm doing the right thing from people I DO know.

So he lives with it.

More happily since we got the laptop so I can have that, and he can hog the PC burning every single TV programme DD has ever expressed an interest in onto a DVD.

BurpyErnie · 10/05/2008 22:29

Any time I ask my DP to do something around the house he responds with "Is this a mumsnet thing?"

It's my own fault I told him once I made a tenner from him being the first DP/DH on mumsnet to clean the fridge when asked. I thought it was a funny joke at the time but boy has it rebounded on me big time.

Wezzle · 10/05/2008 22:31

DP is a bit about it
He just doesn't get 'it'

We don't argue about it
he just looks at me like I'm a loon
if I tell him about stuff on here
or refer to people on here as friends
but I don't care

On the plus side for him
he gets to wathc whatever crap he wants
on tv

Psychomum5 · 10/05/2008 22:32

rustybear.....

hoxtonchick · 10/05/2008 22:44

dp totally gets mn as he has his own forums. he reckons he comes out quite well compared to some of the horrid dhs/dps on here. he does threaten to troll to wind me up though .

havalina · 10/05/2008 23:02

Dp is quite about mumsnet things, if I ever come out with something new or some nugget
of information he always knows that I have got it from mumsnet lol. But then again he has his games and forums he visits, so he understands.

EyeballsintheSky · 10/05/2008 23:47

DH loves it. He'll ask me to ask Mumsnet if we want to settle an argument. Even my doctor tells me to post about my PND. I used a thread I'd started to 'tell' her how I felt, printed it out and didn't have to say a word.

Redfox · 11/05/2008 21:43

Can someone explain the keylogger thing to me, is it a bit like looking at someone's internet history but more?

scottishmummy · 11/05/2008 21:50

keystrokemethod of recording all keystrikes on a keyboard. widely available and intrusive way of looking at what you enter, where you visit, retrieve passwords etc

scottishmummy · 11/05/2008 21:55

and you do not necessarily know keystroke has been installed either

OneLieIn · 11/05/2008 21:57

DH just feels left out - especially when I burst out laughing.

Maybe he needs a dadsnet??

Tortington · 11/05/2008 22:00

my dh is v. glad it keeps me occupied thereby giving him ample chance to do what he would like to do.

i do understand the time thing, if you are on the computer and he thinks it is impinging on time you would other wise have together - then thats fair commment

however as far as personal stuff goes - why would you tell him what you post?

bellavita · 11/05/2008 22:07

DH couldn't give a stuff about me going on MN. It takes the pressure off him going on his forum that he is a moderator for.

I even ask his advice if someone on here asks a question and he is happy to tell me or find out the info so I can post it.

I have linked him to a couple of threads that I have been on, but I don't think for a second he would read any of the others.

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 11/05/2008 22:12

DP calls it "noseybitches.com", and makes jokes about middle-class twinset-wearers. Although he's full of sarcasm about it I do think he's got an inkling that Mumsnet provided massive support to me through some very dark days when DS was tiny and incredibly challenging and we were really, really struggling. Without the help and advice I got here I really dread to think what would have happened, but looking back it you lot probably saved me from PND and saved DS from who knows what. I think deep down he realises it's not all just idle chatter, there are some very serious and valid things going on in here (between the grape-eating outrages and the parent-and-child parking debates, that is).

Having said that he can spend hours on end playing online games into the middle of the night so he can't really comment too much

BarcodeZebra · 11/05/2008 22:19

My wife doesn't mind.....

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