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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DP isn't really very happy about my mumsnet use. Who else gets the same feeling?

77 replies

lucyellensmum · 10/05/2008 10:24

Thats it really, he has never outwardly said "fuck me, id wish you would not do that" but he has made little comments about it taking up too much of my time and that he is not keen about me discussing our private life on here.

I know that there was Subaroos thread, about this, and i was going to post on there but i didnt want it to appear that i was not supporting her, her situation is blatantly quite different, and i only hope she returns soon having been a great support to me in the past few months.

It did make me wonder though about how our partners feel about it, i know i feel guilty about being on Mnet sometimes and my DP just doent get the attraction/addiction. So honestly girls, do you feel guilty about MN sometimes and what do your partners really think, if anything?

OP posts:

LazyLinePainterJane · 10/05/2008 12:19

A keylogger, Marmadukescarlet?!!?! That is above and beyond!!!

Dh has atechie forum that he spends a lot of time on....15,000 posts and counting. He would have a cheek to complain about MN. Not that he would.

MsSparkle · 10/05/2008 12:29

My dp calls it "trolls net"

ShinyPinkShoes · 10/05/2008 12:35

lucykate I have just emailed you

helpmaboab · 10/05/2008 12:36

When we used to have a kid-related question dh used to say 'google-it'. Now he says 'mumsnet-it'!

cory · 10/05/2008 13:11

I think dh is vaguely uneasy about it- as he would be if I took up smoking, or drinking 20 cups of coffee day. Any addiction, when viewed from the outside, is mildly disconcerting. Still, he admits that it comes a good deal cheaper than the Gin and Its that were his Mum's little weakness.

Elasticwoman · 10/05/2008 13:20

My dh refers to it as Saddos' Net. But he still wants to know what is going on.

UnquietDad · 10/05/2008 13:25

A keylogger?

A KEYLOGGER?!

Jesus H... That's snooping and a half...

Cappuccino · 10/05/2008 13:36

dh is fine about it but he gets really sad and angry about the amount of fuckwit men stories I come back with

it makes him very cross with blokes generally and then he gets grumpy

and he worries I am going to decide he is a fuckwit bloke by proxy

but I'm not because he isn't

wannaBe · 10/05/2008 13:38

I don't think it's controlling though. If he was preventing me from going on there/was reading my posts and arguing with me about them I would say it was controlling. but it's no different to women saying they would rather their dh didn't play so much football/spend so much time on the xbox/down the pub. I'm sure there are things that don't get done because of peoples' mn'ing, in the same way things don't get done because of dh's time on the xbox.

A keylogger shows huge insecurity/mistrust though and that would annoy me.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 10/05/2008 13:42

UQD - well it will be his own bloody fault when he has to scrawl through a load of bumpf about fruit shoots and child parking space stories

OP posts:

glaskham · 10/05/2008 13:43

DH hates that i will come on here and ask for advice before asking him or something... He's not an 'internet' person, and rarely wants to discuss things, and if he's unsure he'll just not bother.... MEN eh!!!

beaniesteve · 10/05/2008 14:02

I met my OH through another forum and it's been hard not being able to post about my relationship (I used to post about how unhappy I was about my ex all the time) but I try to respect the fact that as we're both on there it's unfair to spill my guts infront of mutual friends. We've both slipped up, but have basically agreed not to post about any bad things.

However I was using this forum to post some stuff using this name and an alter ego. OH knows I am on here and also reads. I've always been open about it as I first came here to talk about ttc but I know now that posting as an alter about a couple of things recently really did piss him off. I had no idea he knew my alterego, but discovered he was reading stuff and getting upset. I actually requestted that those threads be deleted.

Since I've joined I have sometimes seen stuff posted by members about their OHs and wondered how they (the OHs) might feel about the judgements people make about them as we are only getting oone side of the story. People on here can be really harsh with their opinions sometimes.

HaventSleptForAYear · 10/05/2008 14:05

DH is a bit of an internet addict too - mostly for finding out information or reading news online.

He knows I go on "parenting forums", because when DS1 was small I found out loads of info and now he (like a pp's DH) also tells me to ask online if we have a worry/query.

He doesn't know the name of the forum and I think would be a bit if he knew just how much time I spend here.

However, I don't have as much interaction with my RL friends as I would like (living abroad) so it is lovely for me to socialise.

So all in all don't think he has a problem with it - I do go on it in the evenings when he's here, but he's on the other PC anyway or working so it's no problem to him.

Only time he moans is when I come to bed too late because of it.

MrsWeasley · 10/05/2008 14:06

I only started joining in because DH was always giggling to his "friends" on a sporting chatsite and it annoyed me I thought "I'll see how he likes it"
so its all his fault. He hardly ever goes on his other site now but even he asks what do mnetters think about blah blah blah

StopSpyingYouFreak · 10/05/2008 14:10

How do you check if there is a keylogger on your computer?

beaniesteve · 10/05/2008 14:11

I am shocked that people's OHs would put a keylogger on their computer. It lets people know your passwords doesn't it?

PerkinWarbeck · 10/05/2008 14:11

I have found DH lurking on here before - he seems to find it faintly amusing. He especially enjoys the threads where people are moaning about their DHs. I think they give him a (wholly misplaced) sense of oneupmanship .

beaniesteve · 10/05/2008 14:14

My OH thinks it's hilarious that I give relationship advice

He says mumsnet is like heat magazine for me

marmadukescarlet · 10/05/2008 14:28

Unless a keylogger can be added by a site you visit, and no I've never opened any NatWest scam emails, like a cookie it must have been done for a reason.

TBH I don't now enough about pc to know how it got there.

The builder is a pal of dh's and very juvenile, so it could have easily been him - but I can't see why he would do it, apart from being a pratt I suppose.

DH didn't 'fess up' when I said, "You'll never guess what was on my pc?"

ssyf I used spybot search and destroy which finds/removes cookies etc.

OrangeKnickers · 10/05/2008 20:16

LOL! DH sent me on here as I was tense and he said I should go on mumsnet as it would calm me down. I will give him a big kiss.

lou33 · 10/05/2008 20:32

i know a netter whose h added a keylogger, it does happen

WideWebWitch · 10/05/2008 20:36

Bloody hell, I'd be FURIOUS if my dh put a keylogger on.

Dh thinks mn is a good thing. He has sometimes said "come and talk to me" and has therefore wanted me to get off but on the whole he sees it as something that's important to me and a place where I've met a lot of close RL friends.

Agree with Capp's post too.

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 10/05/2008 20:41

I don't think that keylogging thing is unusual. I set up a blog on the pc before I met my ex, and somehow (????) he posted loads of nasty comments on it, and then deleted the whole lot.

He was threatened by mumsnet, but I only EVER posted anything bad about him after I'd left. Now I can tap away to my hearts content. And it's free....

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 10/05/2008 20:43

What did your husband reply to your innocent question "you'll never guess what I found on my pc" Marmaduke?!

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 10/05/2008 20:44

I mean LEFT not met.

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