To think that not everyone spends 90% of their time worrying that people will die?

[Sanch1]

Me and my DH are having a bit of a deep and meaningful. He says that he spends 90% of his time worrying about people dying, me, the kids, his parents etc etc. I say we just have to live our lives and not worry about that, what will be will be and we can't let the potential things in the future ruin our now?

YABU most people worry about that.

YANBU he's really anxious and needs therapy.

He needs help.

Bless him, he defo needs some support. Anxiety is horrendous.

I have this kind of anxiety about the DC but even I wouldn't say it is 90% of the time. That seems an awful lot and think he needs help

It's normal to have passing thoughts or periods of worry if something happens, but not to worry all or most of the time.

Has he felt this way for long?

He needs therapy and/or medication. That's an unhealthy level of anxiety. Poor guy, that most be awful to live with.

Do they not? I think this but mainly at night, anxiety is always worse at night. Even worse when I'm due on. Anxiety is bloody horrible

Some people are naturally anxious. Or have anxiety.
Worrying about family dying would be a part of that.

As a person who doesn’t think that way, it’s strange.
My cousin couldn’t believe that I don’t feel anxious…

I have fleeting thoughts of this but I’m pretty good at unhooking from them and they don’t influence my behaviours or anything.

people with GAD worry a lot about stuff like this and other stuff. It’s no way to live and completely futile

It’s not uncommon to worry about this. 90% is a lot though.

My life revolves around trying to distract myself from this type of thought. I have GAD, OCD and Asperger's though. Since I lost my parents and one of my dogs it's even more difficult to feel carefree.

Perhaps he’s not as worried as you think, but just bad at percentages?

Joking apart, yes, poor guy needs to see a professional therapist.

The thought my dc could die before has crossed my mind several times.

Funnily enough me and dh were talking about unwanted thoughts this evening and I remember from around 6 to 10 years old being absolutely paranoid every waking minute I wasn't with my mum that she was going to die. Literally every second.
It's not normal (and she's still alive 30 years later so a pointless anxiety). Perhaps get him to look at mindfulness-'eckhart tolle or alan Watts would be a good place to start there.

N, most people don't.

I do think many things in our society encourage that kind of thinking though, in people who are prone to it anyway it can become a problem.

Ultimately everyone dies, and it's important to come to terms with that in order to make good decisions about living.

That's hard but yes unusual

NINETY PERCENT of the time? That's really a lot. That must be very difficult for him, we probably all worry from time to time but that must be awful, and if he feels that might be normal thats very sad too

My husband's mum died a little over two years ago and his dad died suddenly last summer. Since then, I have been more conscious of how precious life is and how relatively fleeting. I am mindful of my mum, who is much older and also aware of how I can't take the good health of my husband or my children for granted but I use that to be grateful rather than anxious. I wouldn't say it's 90%, just that I'm conscious of it much more often at the moment and choose to see it positively.

No.. I never do. When my anxiety is at its peak though I can spend 90% of my time worrying about throwing up or someone getting sick. It's a phobia/anxiety issue.. he realistically needs meds (like me)

Worrying about death for 90 percent of the time is not normal.

I am probably the opposite in that I don't worry about anyone dying because deep down I assume they'll be alright. It's been quite startling to me when people close to me have, it turns out, been at risk of dying, and I can feel myself being unsure how to process it.

But I don't have a logical reason to worry that anyone close to me will die. They're all broadly healthy and compos mentis. No one lives an actively dangerous life. If anyone died it would be through a freak accident and I don't spend my time catastrophising about those possibilities.

Does he have adhd? It can cause dark thoughts like this. Or ocd.

I think most of us will possibly worry about if anything happens to children, our parents or ourselves. .. but 90% of the time is extreme. Has he had significant life events that could have caused this? It sounds like some MH intervention like counselling might be helpful.

He needs help. That's what my life was like 18 years ago and I spent most of my 20s and early 30s thinking someone or I will die. It became all consuming and I became totally paranoid and had ocd tendencies. I've been very well medicated the past 18 years and hardly think about it now.

I didn't until my son almost died but now I do. I miss feeling naive, that it happens to other families and not your own.

The world is a lot scarier now.

When my cousin died it made me more anxious. People always talk about the future. For example, If someone says I'm going to keep this item for when my child turns 18. I just think what if they don't make it to 18. It's not a nice feeling at all. I know there's nothing we can do.