To think that not everyone spends 90% of their time worrying that people will die?

[Sanch1]

Me and my DH are having a bit of a deep and meaningful. He says that he spends 90% of his time worrying about people dying, me, the kids, his parents etc etc. I say we just have to live our lives and not worry about that, what will be will be and we can't let the potential things in the future ruin our now?

YABU most people worry about that.

YANBU he's really anxious and needs therapy.

I have ADHD and at night I battle with the intrusive thoughts. I am fully aware it's not normal though. I try to keep it under control.

The only way it leaks out is if DD is going to do something risky or be away from me and I say, "what's rule number 1?" And she rolls her eyes and says, "don't die".

Whether his is ADHD, OCD, GAD or something else, it sounds like he can't see that it's not normal. 90% is a LOT.

I'm the same as your husband,

I have adhd and ocd. I've had years of therapy and am medicated but it's never gone away.

It is hell to live with 😢

I do, constantly, but I am diagnosed with GAD and OCD. I’m medicated and attend regular therapy, but it’s something I have to actively work at all the time. It’s hard. Hoping your DH can get some professional support x

@Sanch1 90٪ ? Seriously.
I've suffered trauma and know I dwell on death and on high dose of anxiety meds.
Therapy coming out of my ears.
Never 90% though. Clinical depression is what he has.
Seriously black.
Bless him and you. 💗

YANBU

If there is a story in the news, a tragedy or a child abduction, I occasionally try to imagine losing ds or one of my siblings, but the thought is too horrible to deal with so I shut it out and get on with life.

Worrying about something that is very unlikely to happen and over which I have no control, achieves nothing. I think most people do likewise.

Oh God. I had this from my babies being newborns until they were around 3 years old.

It was absolutely horrific and is one of the main reasons I won't have another. I was so frightened every single day.

It can be anxiety but it can also be OCD as intrusive thoughts. I still get them now, but I just try to ignore them as much as I can. When they were babies I would wake up in a panic every single time I slept, I would be so worried I'd wake up to a blue baby. I had breathing sensor mats too.

When we are out I have flashes of men walking last us and stabbing one of my DC or grabbing them and running away. I have to really ignore them.

Your poor DP. Ask him to go the GP. It's no way to live

Don't let him be fobbed off with antidepressants, he needs therapy for this

Get him a GP appointment asap.
I spend less than 1% of my life worrying about dying, it's a fact, a given, going to happen to us all. I talked to my mum about being executor of her will and her wishes for her funeral.

Thanks for the comments everyone. The point of this was that I was going to show him the comments to prove that he's not normal, but I'm not sure I want to show him a bunch of comments about him needing therapy. I need to think about how to approach this.

Is he bothered by it, does he want to change it, is it affecting other things - if yes, he could look at therapy (but no point going because of someone else).
Usually when we worry about other people, there's an 'I' part to the worry deep down - perhaps 'I will be alone/abandoned'?

Why? Needing therapy isn't a negative. CBT is really helpful for helping people change the way they think/feel about things

Everyone will (at some time) die. So I refuse to spend ANY time worrying about the inevitable. It's a waste of effort!
Ensure you have plans in place for the inevitable (LPA, wills, etc)
Enjoy now!! And so should your DH.

That's not a normal pattern of thinking and needs support.

Objectively we all die. Hopefully most of the time in "the right order" e.g. old age, but that's not a given. Having had major, untimely bereavement at a young age it's best to crack on and enjoy what you can while you can.
Admittedly when a police car pulled up for 5-10 minutes outside the house a couple of months ago, that made me twitchy until it went away. Rational thought will consider mortality periodically but then file the thoughts away again for a while.
Ruminating on it most of the time is not healthy and ruins life.

Bless him, at least you know now. He needs to get his anxiety seen to. It's not good for the body to have constant stress hormones running through it long term.

GP for him

That’s very unhealthy and must be exhausting. He needs some support to deal with this level of intrusive thinking.