To be fed up with DH for not admitting it's hard to commute 1 1/2 hours every day and be the breadwinner?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I leave the house at 7 every morning and don't usually get in until 7 at night. He works two minutes from where we live and drops the children off at school and picks them up from the after schoolclub.

He can't understand why I am so tired all the time - "FFS, all you do is sit on a train and then sit at a desk and push a few bits of paper around - what can be so tiring about that?" - and gets cross when I refuse to cook dinner when I get in.

YANBU
do yu have to work such long hours? it would kill me.
But I'm ancient

YANBU
He should appreciate the fact that commuting is pants
I won't work more than 45 mins commute away for this reason and am v supportive of DH and his commute.
A little support goes a long way

YANBU that's 1 1/2 in total a day? So 7 1/2 a week - an extra working day. 30 hours a month travelling back and forth, above what he does.

He can cook the meals thanks very much!

My dh commutes 2 hours a day - he enjoys it because he gets time on his own & can listen to the radio, music, or audiobooks (when he gets the train rather than driving he gets to read). I would love to have 2 hours a day to myself

Sorry but your dh sounds like a selfish twat. probably pissed off that because you are out of the house he has more to do.

I quite enjoy my commute

ipod
reading newspaper without DD ripping it to shreds
nice view of St. Paul's from the bus....

can you make yours more enjoyable?

my dh commutes for three hours a day and it is tough.

I commuted when we first moved in together so I have been there so can empathize.

I think that what people who don't commute do fail to see is that it really isn't just about sitting on a train. Trains are notoriously iratic so although you may intend to get the 7:00, it might be cancelled and then the 7:15 will be full so you'll have to stand, and then you'll be later for work than you planned and then have to come home later and the train might be cancelled or there might be a signal failure or a fatality or a bridge strike, or the wrong kind of leaves/snow/sun/. And all the while you are paying for this privilage.

YABU
You should be far, far more appreciative of everything he's doing to help [sic] you. You obviously need to Work On Your Marriage, and find more Mutual Trust.

why are you refusing to cook dinner? what I mean is, does he never cook dinner?

I would say pre cook stuff but I never get around to that (and am in exactly the same position as you re hours etc.).

I don't think the commute is hard work exactly, sitting on the train reading a book is actually quite relaxing (assuming you get a seat, the train turns up and isn't delayed!). I turn it into me time and indulge in reading which I never have time to do at home.

I think you could make your life easier and buy some healthy ready meals (M&S?) and do a heap of pre-prepared veg and voila, dinner is served. My DH doesn't cook much but can rustle something easy up for a midweek dinner like spaghetti or something. Sounds like time for a chat about the way your marriage works rather than blaming it on the commute. Maybe?

Tell him he is quite right, and that in order to fulfill your wifely duties, you are giving up work.

That should cure the fecker.

commuting is mainly crap though kbear. I had the smelliest person alive squashed into my back for 45 minutes on Thursday and it was farking hot and stuffy too.

you sound resentful and put upon and irritable MrsS (not unreasonable)....I know you've complained about this before. Is it a situation you are stuck in?

So he doesn't understand that a 12 hour day is tiring? Sounds like an idiot to me.

And all this 'commuting is me time' stuff? WHERE do you people live? Do you travel first class?

When I was in London travelling to work was hot/smelly/knackering and uncomfortable. Now I'm outside, commuting in is even worse because when there are problems, I don't have any alternative routes and if I don't get a seat that's the whole journey buggered (in London any one leg of the trip would be 20 mins max). Even if I do, there's bound to be one of those bloody men who takes up ten times their allocated space...

Public transit sucks? I mean, it?s good because you can get anywhere but it is absolutely draining. When we lived in Gerrard?s Cross, it would take 1 1/2hours to get to school. The situation made worse because King?s Cross Station was still closed after the bombings. But one day, I was walking through Marlybone Station heading up to Chiltern Rail platforms, and the place was packed, really packed, of people shuffling along, and not a single person was speaking. It was eerie. That?s what long commutes do to commuters by the end of the week.

EDAM? are you talking about those guys that sit with their legs spread open, encroaching on your leg. The best line that I use, and I?ve never had a rebuttal (and I think it?s because when I open my mouth, I sound American) ?Honey, nobody has balls that big. Close your legs up please.? But you got to look right at them too.

I remember once too, (now that I?m thinking about it) this one guy had all his work stuff spread out all over three seats and not a single person said anything. I walked up and said I would like to sit down please, and he said he was working on something important and said ?move it or loose it buddy, I?m not standing 40 min because you didn?t do your homework?. He moved it.

And all this 'commuting is me time' stuff? WHERE do you people live? Do you travel first class?

yes! lol lol lol! completely agree. try this test - would you do it for pleasure if you didn't have to? No? then t'aint me time. no more than ironing with the radio on is me time.

I think YABU. You might think you work hard, but your husband looks after the children before and after school is work. Having two to three hours of tired, hungry and hot children can be as bad any London commute.

If both of you are working during the school day then both of you need to do the chores. Its not a matter of who earns the most.

You need to be a bit of an adult and take turns with cooking and house work.

am really really really chuckling at commmutes being enjoyable
good lord, yes if in a-c limo, not on hot sweaty train which keeps being cancelled
never getting a seat
yes DCs are hard work, but so is 7-7 work plus commute
i work 2 days with 20mins commute and get home generally 530ish and find it tricky to cook dinner after bath on those nights.
usually keep it simple on those nights, or get takeaway, but i think MrsS has it hard.
On the days when i am home, i always prepare dinner, it is easier as i am physically in the house
your Dh is unreasonable

if you at home during the day, you are physically on site to do the chores
work out of the home parents are not
there is give and take, yes, but the person at home during the day should end of doing more than the person out of the home

My commute (not dissimilar to OPs):

Drive 20 mins. Worry if car in front is slow as it might make me miss train
sit in queue to pay at poxy kiosk, hand over extortionate amount for parking
find space on top floor of grey stinky multi storey
walk 4 mins to station
get to platform
maybe wait for a train if they've screwed up
get on train, first class, which on London Midland means erm fk all. OK, I get a seat, big wupp. No air con, doors that flap in the wind because catches are broken
no coffee
no loos
40 mins later (if lucky and no long wait in siding for no apparent reason) get to Euston
me and 1000 other people all go for same exit
queue to get to escalators x 3 to tube
stand on platform, let 4 ish trains go by because you cannot humanly get another human on. It's illegal to transport cattle like this but ho hum, London Underground do it
Spend 2 stops in extreme heat and claustrophobis, ALWAYS standing. Tube stinks. Face in someone's armpit and that's NOT a partic crowded train
change 2 stops later, walk to another line
get on another tube, which may or may not stop randomly stop in tunnels and / or sidings
get to work, work 8 hours
Repeat.
Except the journey on the way home is hotter than hell and everyone stinks even more (includnig me no doubt). As a woman said to me on getting off a tube last Friday "Gosh, it's like being boiled alive isn't it?" Yes, it is.

On the way home I might not get a seat, even though I pay £162 a week for a first class ticket. The carriage is crowded, no air con.

There are often delays, sometimes you might not be able to get home at all or until much much later than you attended.

It's shit, utterly shit. You should make him do it, swap him for a week. He'll apologise at the end of it.

Oh sorry, missed walking up 4/5/6 flights of stairs in vile multi storey once I get back to get my car. In winter it's poorly lit and a bit scary. There are no lifts.

My dh drops and collects 2 children every day btw and acknowledges that my day is harder than his due to my stupid commute.

Really tired do you work ??

applauds WWW with her true portrayal of commuting
i commuted for 8 years of my life in London and I hated it.
HOT hot tubes winter or summer, smelly rude unhelpful people,
fighting to get a seat when you are pregnant