To send adult children sympathy cards?

[Welshies]

Hello,

Having a stupid argument with my mother about whether it is appropriate to send a sympathy card to my two adult cousins following the death of my aunt.

My mother is insisting it’s not the tradition to send sympathy cards to children of the deceased, only the spouse aka my uncle. I want to send my cousins a card.

What do you guys think?

I sent a card to my friend when her dad died.

Hell, I sent a card to my cousin when her cat died, she'd had him for 20 years which was over half her life.

I wouldn't have any idea as to whether that is traditionally the case but I received many cards when my Dad died and send them too, so I would think it's an outdated tradition if it was before!

Okay, so you are 100 percent right.

my dad died when I was 20 and the cards I received really meant a lot to me.

mine were mostly from my friends ie people
who were close to me not my mom. Is your mom’s issue here that you’re not sending condolences to your uncle? Or are you doing that separately? I think you are absolutely right to send cards to your cousins, just trying to understand the thinking here!

When my neighbours husband died I sent her and her two daughters letters. I had been quite close friends with one of the daughters but life got in the way but I still sent a letter. I also got cards when my mum died. Stuff tradition. It's just good to think of those who are grieving

I sent a card to my friend when her mum died. It wouldn't have occurred to me to send it to her dad, he doesn't know me from Adam.

Send the card.

We lost my father in law last year, I got flowers from work, a card from a colleague and my mum. My DH got a gift from his work.

It's not weird at all to send something to bereaved people.

I was sent cards when both my parents died, as were my adult children, very much appreciated.

Do what feels right to you, OP. A close friend’s Dad died last year and I sent her a card, why shouldn’t I? I was thinking about her and wanted to express my condolences.

I was surprised how many people sent me cards when my Dad died.
It meant a lot and i would definitely say send the cards.

Apart from the fact that I don't think you should ever send cards- you should send a short handwritten note-I can't see why you wouldn't send to anyone who's been bereaved. I remember when my father died a family friend wrote to my then quite new dp. It was his first death, and he was doing his best to support everyone. He still remembers how much it meant to him at the time.

Precisely this.

I can’t see your cousins going “oh- that’s not traditional?!”. They will more likely find some comfort in the fact you have expressed your sympathy and love.

Is your Mum often obsessed with being “right” about the “done thing” over and above just doing what feels right?

Fuck convention. I think it would be a lively gesture. 💐

What on earth is a card if not a place to jot down you lr “short handwritten note”… :/

Send it! If your mum's thing really is a rule, it's one that nobody knows about.

When my Dad died I would say that the majority of cards from people who knew us all were addressed to my Mum, with maybe 'and family' added.

But my own friends sent me cards, and I was very grateful for family friends who took the trouble to send to me as well.

It is totally fine to send a card to the persons spouse, child, siblings etc. In a lot of cases it depends who you know. If your friends mum dies, you'd sent it to the friend.
However, I would only send it if I wasn't visiting in personn or going to the funeral.

So essentially the same thing as a card?

Of course you can, I’ve received them when my parents passed away

Loads of people sent me cards when my mum died.

Some really good friends made me a box of stuff - some lip balm, nice teddy, key ring and a photo frame plus some other stuff.

It's nice because when I use them I not only think of my mum but also how lovely my friends were.

The photo frame contains some pressed flowers from the wreath my siblings and I did.

Do what you feel is right to show you care.

Ime that counts for a lot.

Thanks for the replies guys. I went ahead and wrote the card for my cousins as well as a card for my uncle x

@CurlewKate Apart from the fact that I don't think you should ever send cards
WHY? Can you expand on this? Many others have asked the same, not just me.

Your mother is wrong. They are also bereaved and a simple gesture goes a long way.