Anyone else get really irritated with the organisation of hen dos or is it just me?

[Candystripes85]

I’ll start by saying I’ve organised both hen dos and baby showers in the past so I know it’s no mean feat to get money from people etc. Thats not what my gripe is.

I may just be unlucky but every time I am invited to a hen do for some reason whoever is organising can’t seem to give people a straight answer on price.

I’ve been to one abroad where the host said it would cost £250 all in for a weekend away (plus spending money). To cut a long story short, 3 nights away ended up costing us about £500 each (not including spending money), which was literally double what was originally agreed. I was pretty irritated at the cost and I would never have gone if I had of known in the beginning it would cost that much.

Then another one we got told a price, everyone agreed and then the host ended up planning various activities that no one was told about before hand. We all got ‘surprised’ with them when we were on the hen do and felt forced to pay to attend to not cause issues or make the bride feel uncomfortable. This ended up doubling the cost.

I’ve been invited to two this year - 1st one couldn’t make her mind up on the type of accommodation we would stay in because of the prices, asked everyone for opinions and as predicted no one could come to a agreement (there are 20 people attending). Ended up in absolute chaos and it still hasn’t been finalised despite the hen do being in May. I’m not even convinced we we will able to get accommodation for 20 people this late where they are planning on holding it now!

2nd one wants a non refundable deposit to confirm your place but won’t tell anyone the total cost before they’ve handed it over. She has said that activities, travel and food aren’t included. A few people have said they would need to know the final cost as travel and activities could easily double the cost of the whole thing but she still won’t say (probably because she doesn’t actually know or hasn’t thought it through).

I mean am I just being ridiculous here? Is it that hard to just make a decision, price everything up and just tell people it will cost £££ to attend plus spending money for any drinks you want on a night out etc? They know where they want to go, they know the activities they want to do, they know where everyone lives to arrange a mini bus for travel. Just add it all up and give people a best case figure if everyone can attend and a worst case figure if only a few go. Then people can make an informed decision right from the beginning.

I’ve definitely learnt from my past mistakes so certainly won’t be committing to either until I have the answers around cost, but it’s just exhausting and it almost puts me off going as it’s the same issue every single time!

As I’m getting older this is now how I’m viewing it as well.

I'm not so sure about adding extra to cover costs unless you make it abundantly clear that you're doing that and will offer a refund/bonus activity if the contingency money is no longer required... it became clear that the organiser had added a secret contingency premium for a hen do I attended a while ago and I felt it was incredibly bad form, as there was reference made to "surplus in the kitty" but there was nothing to show for it (so who pocketed that surplus, hmm?).

I do agree with you. Unfortunately people aren't always honest about what they will/won't pay. So lots of people will agree to the 'worst case scenario' until it becomes clear that yes, they will actually have to pay £200, and that their best mate isn't going any longer, and that they'll now have to share a bathroom/bedroom with Emma who they have never met. Oh, and they have now discovered that they are only invited to the evening part of the wedding. So they drop out and expect not to pay anything apart from the £25 deposit. Which leaves everyone else having to pay more.

In an ideal world it would be 'This is the hen do and it'll be £x and no more' but there are so many variables that the organiser often doesn't stand a chance.

The other bit is that you are often bringing together different groups of people who only have the bride in common so not always people that you have a realisation with.

• relationship not a realisation. Sorry

I am engaged and this is filling me with dread...I have different friends/groups who don't really know each other, the thought of me picking a MOH and having them in a WhatsApp group without me/MOH chasing everyone for money makes me feel anxious! I am really tempted to just organise my own!

So glad I’m older and got hitched before this insanity. What’s wrong with a meal/ night in a pub and maybe a club after for those feeling energetic? Brides today have total main character energy 😮

Me too...I don't think I have ever even been to one!

I got married 10 years ago and made it absolutely clear that I didn't want to go away and stay overnight, I didn't want naked men and I didn't want activities. I did worry what other people would think but as we literally went for cocktails then dinner and then a few more drinks then train home and it came it at around £70 including the train tickets everyone was quite relieved and it was a nice night. The only "hen" items I had were a t shirt saying "this girl is getting married" and a comedy beard which was an homage to the groom.
I earn decent money but I couldn't justify spending £100s going away and the sheer faff of organising it all is irritating. I know a woman who had three hen do's. One in Spain, one in Bath and then a night out in our home town. I was invited to the latter and wasn't even a wedding guest! Madness. Apart from companies making Bride and Bridesmaid swimsuits/flipflops/silky robes etc and the penis pasta manufacturers who actually benefits from all this

Wise move. If I were you I would organise it.

I did worry what other people would think but as we literally went for cocktails then dinner and then a few more drinks then train home and it came it at around £70 including the train tickets everyone was quite relieved and it was a nice night

I bet people thought it was brilliant, I’d much prefer this than loads of organised and overpriced ‘activities’ and cringey games!

Honestly, hen dos can be such entitled nonsense. Why do people expect others to spend hundreds of pounds on their hen do, and then hundreds more on their wedding? OP, i would just so no to going/participating from the get go. When did getting married become such a greedy event?

One of my closest friends actually had a hen do like this. She did an escape room, dinner and drinks. It was brilliant! I do think people forget that hen dos are about spending time with their closest friends and family. I think the people organising sometimes get a bit carried away with wanting to show the bride how much they care about them and that’s when things start going south as the costs starts mounting up.

I’ve never been on one or had one. They seem ghastly.
Like baby showers and gender reveals.

The convenient location or home town is often repeated on MN and I think makes sense if you grew up somewhere and are still friends with people from school but for many people their good friends are from university. My close university friends are scattered all over England and into southern Scotland. There simply isn't one convenient location. I can't think of any hen do I've been to where people haven't come from all over the country.

@Iceandfire92 Good idea and how about starting a new trend? A dinner and a couple of other events in your home town. Friends who have to travel ask to stay with other hens or arrange a hotel. Get numbers for the dinner and tell people to book themselves on the other activities if they want to join, or choose free activities like a gallery or walk in a park?

Why can't they just be held in a pub or resturant where people pay for their own food and drinks or people buy rounds, why does travel have to be involved or some convoluted event that takes more than the Coronation to organise

It only has to be complicated if people make it? If the people are interesting enough as they are why the need for all the bells and whistles?

I don’t think you need to organise it yourself, especially if it’s something you don’t want the stress over. But I would just have a good conversation with whoever is doing it about what you do and don’t want, and just remember that the less it costs the more people will likely attend. I’ve said it to someone else just now but I do sometimes think the people organising it (often MOH or close friends) sometimes get a bit carried away with wanting to show the bride how much they care about them and just a go a bit too overboard with activities and extra expenses.

It’s good to remember that your mum, sister, best friend you’ve known since school, will be willing to pay more than a work colleague or other relative you might not be as close to. I often hear on the hen do’s I’ve attended, or on groups when lots of people drop out the organiser say something like ‘if they thought you were important, they would make the effort to come/find the money’, that’s not always the case for some people asking for spend a few hundred pound is just not a option for them so I always have to say something when I hear it (it’s happened more times than I like to admit with the hens I’ve attended).

And one thing I made sure of at my hen was if my sister (who organised it), wanted to make little ‘party bags’ or have anything like slippers etc that she paid for them and didn’t ask anyone to chip in or just don’t do it at all. My pet peeve is having to pay £20 for a tshirt with ‘xx”s hen’ or a bag with loads of crap inside that I’m never going to want to use!

Totally agree and why does the bride seem to choose a person who is totally unorganised to organise it!

Latest one I was invited to was a house in the literal middle of nowhere for 3 nights in Feb and a lot of “we’ll sort out what to do when we’re there” - I only knew the bride so unsurprisingly I was busy that weekend.

Just don't go

Because if you live I'm Edinburgh and your friends live in York, travel is the only answer? I'm no fan of hen dos but I'm pretty surprised by all the people who have seemingly never moved away from where they grew up and nor have any of their friends.

@RoundoffFlick agree but in that scenario just organise a night out and let those that have to travel organise their own accommodation to suit their budget. And if people can't come don't get pissy.

Hen Do's are the most self entitled crap. Expecting people to spend ridiculous money and then no doubt further costs for attending a wedding.

My heart sinks when I'm added to a hen do group chat.

I organised my own hen. We went for a night out in our city, pizza followed by clubbing and karaoke. The only costs were hotel rooms for those who couldn't get home afterwards, pizza and drinks. We had a brilliant time.

I read that back in this age of week long hens and abroad trips and classes and all sorts and I think wow it sounds like it was decades ago - this was 8 years ago 🤣

I think hen dos have become instagramified, it's all about the pictures and videos for social media now.

One of the problems is it's often organised by someone that the guests don't really know, therefore the communication is poor and people are reluctant to speak up. If the bride organised it herself it would likely be better.

Another problem is people are generally uncomfortable about discussing money

Be miserable like me and never get invited to a hen do😂

My hen do was afternoon tea in the local hotel. Fixed price. Nice way to spend 3 hours. No fuss, no dramas, just had to book a table for 8.

DH stag do was a curry and pub 🍻

Last hen I went on was an afternoon bowling and an impromptu air hockey tournament followed by a meal at an awesome Chinese restaurant. Cost less than £50 all-in, and was a thoroughly entertaining way to celebrate with the bride.