WIBU to tell my mum the truth about why DD is not bilingual?

[BlueSilverCats]

For background, me and my mum do not have the best relationship to put it lightly. We muddle along okish for most of the time as long as I keep quite superficial and not engage/end calls when she starts with her bs. She's ok for a while but her ways of thinking always rear up their ugly head.

OH is English, I am not. I'll be honest, I was rather lazy about speaking in my language at home , then she had some SALT issues and my priority was to be understood and be able to communicate properly with her English dad, at school, with her friends etc.

As she grew up, there was another reason, which became more and more important. To protect her from my mum's comments and views , while still allowing them to have a close, loving relationship . That was great when she was little , but she naturally distanced herself a bit as she grew up (teenager now).

My mum is very resentful she can't talk to DD and is always on my case about it, from pitiful "poor me " stuff to petty , vindictive and pointless stuff like " well if she doesn't learn x I won't love her anymore". I just shrug it off or take the blame on being lazy and uncooperative.

Recently we were on a call and she made some disparaging comments over DD's weight (who is a healthy weight according to the NHS) , as she has some very set ideas about weight , with the added disappointment of having a fat daughter. I snapped and I told her this is exactly why I haven't taught DD our language , so she wouldn't be exposed to stupid and toxic comments.

That of course , did not go well. I switch between feeling guilty (because I upset my mum) and being oh well, it is what it is , and she created this situation by being who she is.

Romanian is a Latin-based language though, so Romanian speakers generally pick up Spanish and French really well. I might have misunderstood your comment though re EE languages.

As you quoted, I can understand why other EE languages aren't yet available as the amount of children speaking the language of a country which isn't greatly numerous in the UK is not financially viable. However, I think the exam boards should catch up with a more common language such as Romanian.

Whilst a pp said having a GCSE in a home language is not key, all of our bilingual students are keen. They usually do it at the end of year 10 in our school. We had Turkish, Polish, French, Spanish, Arabic and Russian last year. We offer French and Spanish anyway but the native speakers usually take the 'opposite' one for GCSE choice if they have to do a language.

I am very upset that my now exdh never encouraged our 4dc to speak his language and therefore have a relationship with his parents. The eldest two dc were born abroad and were bilingual when young - we came back to UK when they were 5 and 7. They did get A* in their 'free' gcse but have never really expressed much interest in the language but it was their choice. Dd2 now speaks a Chinese dialect to her ds and he is bilingual (age 3).
The younger 2dc were born in UK and exdh never spoke to them in his language dispute being at home since they were very young. I think it was because he wanted to control the relationship between them and his parents - who were perfectly fine people (now deceased). It's particularly difficult for them because both their first name and surname are completely foreign and people see that and speak to them in that language. It is embarrassing for them.

Hmm, tough one

I think it's a huge shame not to have taught your child a second language to shield her from your mother's comments

Seems a bit drastic, and detrimental to your child

Knowing a second language is a huge asset

DD's name is fully English(OH's last name). There's no sign she has one foreign parent. That was also a considered and deliberate decision. Whether right or wrong... only time will tell.

100% right imo.

Considering the sort of crap your dm says about body size and weight, your dd was at significant risk of an eating disorder.

Having a second language and a serious problem with food vs neither... I know which I'd choose.

Yes, we have 28 students doing their home language GCSE and I agree that Romanian should be available.