Is this what “finding your anger” means?

[SarahLdn740]

I don’t know what happened to me, but I have hit mid-40s and I am SO angry with how male-dominated this world is.

I am mad about the following, in no particular order:

• Despite being the bread winner in the family, having estate agents talk to me only about the kitchens when we do house viewings and addressing solely OH when it comes to money or works
• Boss dismissing me in meetings
• Being constantly interrupted
• Men addressing other men in the professional context or asking their opinion instead of mine, despite me being more senior
• Manspreading on public transport (there was a good thread about it earlier in the week)
• OH lecturing me about things that I obviously know
• Come to think of it, any mansplaining
• Arrogant men cocking everything up and yet feeling super awesome about themselves

There is so much more, please feel free to add.

I worry I am on a path to becoming one of those cackling, bitter grannies muttering to themselves and living alone (I don’t know anyone like this, so perhaps I took the mental image from a film or book).

FML.

Can we add men in vans driving, they’re either going slow and weaving (so presumably on their phones) or driving like mad men.

I find meditation helpful. Also, you develop an additional vocabulary consisting solely of expletives accompanied by eye rolls, jaw clenching and lip curling.

But before you do that, get a nightguard from the dentist.

You do not need to know what it feels like to crack teeth through the sheer level of clenching that life requires.

I call it menopausal rage.

I am really fucked off with a lot of men at the moment too. So many of them just coast through life doing absolutely fuck all at home, no housework, nothing with the kids (if they have them), or they pick and choose what stuff they can be arsed with and expect a gold medal for it. Interrupting all the time, banging on about themselves, their shitty 'jokes', driving like utter arseholes. Not having a clue or giving a shit about how many women live in fear of our lives while just going about our business

And YES plenty of women are arseholes too, but I'm really noticing men's shitty behaviour more than ever since being perimenopausal

Not even menopausal but feeling it!

Drivers who beep are ALWAYS male
People go on about how little money we have and it's because the men spend it on bombs and things that cause death and destruction rather than real life people
Men seem increasingly short sighted - perhaps because they don't believe they might ever die or maybe just because they don't have empathy. Short sighted choices are taking over (see Trump siding with Russia for lower bills for homes and "drill baby drill" idiocy)
Men don't seem to read at all any more and treat anyone who can follow more than one thought at a time as if they are "weird" or hard work. Thinking as a woman is a huge turn off, alongside women who are funny.

I really thought things would have changed by now when I grew up in the 90's.

Welcome to peri.

Get some hormones- sooner than you think you need them and sooner than they offer them, I’d suggest.

I blame it all on hormones. In our youth we must bathe in the bloody things and tolerate huge heaps of crap. Then we gradually wake up and look around and it’s too late. Got a husband that’s annoying, a passel of relatives are annoying, and a load of randoms out there who are annoying.

Get some cats and a caravan in the woods. That was my plan and I should have stuck to it.

This is what happens. We hit peri menopause and that estrogen fuzzy, lovey filter we see men under starts to fade away and we see them properly. Nature's way of keeping the species going stuff when we can breed.

I think it's partly peri but also that it all comes into focus in your 40s. I grew up being told that girls and women can do anything they want and yeah when I was in my 20s, I saw plenty of men and women doing the same jobs at work, female friends in STEM, male friends had gone part time to look after their kids. I was relatively junior at work so most people had been there longer than me, were more senior, knew more, etc. All very good, nothing that directly affected me. Then as I'm entering my 40s, I experienced everything in the OP. Add to that multiple incompetent male senior managers who are held up solely by their teams. How did they even get the job? I call this the middle age white man blag. Could talk about it all day.

Male drivers who get stuck in the mud but will not accept advice about how to get out of the mud..... it's happened before at the front of my house. They usually have to put a ladder under the wheels for traction..... last time driver wouldn't listen and was stuck for 48 hours

I'm very possibly perimenopausal and I read so many threads on here that leave me wondering why the hell anyone puts up with men.

I’m pretty sick of male politicians treating real life like a video game. Struggling to recall the last time I heard a woman in politics use the word ‘revenge’ …

Taxi driver just angrily and lengthily berated me for my son's shoe briefly touching the seat as he climbed in to a minicab. My husband got in and he was suddenly nice as pie.

I had booked it so took satisfaction in giving him a 1* rating. There is no way he would have spoken like that to a man.

You are not being unreasonable, I am a raging man-hating feminist. I am married to a wonderful man, and have two perfect, lovely little boys. I also have many, many lovely male friends. But honestly, Men in general? Can't abide them.

I know it's not all men - I have just described some of the lovely men I am very lucky to have in my life. But all the dickheads I come across are men. the wankers who nearly run me off the road just because I drive a little car are men. The bastards who feel me up in public - in a pub, or even on public transport - are men. The idiot builder who asked my then-boyfriend how he wanted the porch to be built at my mum's house (where he didn't live, he just happened to be there) - he was a man.

I effing hate the patriarchy.

How do you deal with it at work? I am so frustrated. If I just take the high ground, I’m completely overlooked. If I fight back a bit, it seems very unwelcome and doesn’t get me anywhere either. Maybe I’m working for the wrong company, I know I can do better and yet constantly being pulled down.
i remember being in my 20s and hearing about the glass ceiling - i was thinking “what glass ceiling?” - now I am here with my face flat against it while less capable guys look down at me patronisingly.

@constantlylactating This made me laugh (half genuinely amused at your choice of words, half bitterly).

My inner raging man-hating feminist is being born right now!

All these post are so helpful…. hopefully we can support each other as women, although, as someone pointed out, that is unfortunately also not obvious for some reason.

@buybuysellsell This really resonated. My OH was recently giving his unqualified two cents about my area of expertise and the whole crowd literally hung on his every (very inaccurate word). Nobody wanted to listen to me. OH told me to get over it and also hinted at me possibly not having the right sort of presence. Excuse me for being half his size and not having a booming male voice?

The older you get, the fewer fucks you give.

Just treat them with the disdain they deserve.

Agree. So many men are post turtles.

My most recent boss has made me really dislike men now.

DH was raised in a female household. I have never met any man that got women as well as he does and he is the best man I know.

@SarahLdn740 I probably coped pretty similarly to you. I mostly felt quite powerless. I did have one line manager who was so incompetent that he caught the attention of many other senior managers. This gave me the confidence to do something about it and I went directly to his manager and put forward my case, but I had to work hard to be listened to. After about six months, he finally spoke to my line manager about his performance, and my line managers response was "I don't really need this job anyway", he quit on the spot never to be seen again. Great outcome, however the directors then decided that they didn't need his post anyway, and I could take on all his responsibilities working part time for around £15k FTE less 🤡

I think there is definitely a "the worm has turned" element to peri/menopause 💪

I don't know if I found my anger, probably more that I found my dismissiveness. I see it all and as far as I can I let it slide off me. Because about the same time I found this massive regard and respect for other women. At work I ignore the obnoxious men and support and uplift the women. I have a senior position so im well placed to do this and no woman gets talked over on my watch. I haven't become anti men but I've become so very pro women.

I avoid the wretches like the plague. I was lucky to work in a female dominated industry and am a lone worker now. I only really encounter them when driving and I can easily get through small spaces in my nippy little car, so generally don't get into road issues with any because, sneeze and I'm gone 😁

I've never done anything socially so don't encounter them in pubs etc. I don't have to use public transport. I ignore them at the shops. I have had unpleasant encounters in the past though. They all seem entitled, aggressive and spoiled.

I actually told dh to stop talking earlier on because he was mansplaining something to me. I told him I just wasn't interested. He looked a bit shocked. Meh. Like I should care.

Definitely not just an age thing and your definitely not alone.

I'm early 30s and RAGE about men on an almost daily basis. I think I was blind to it until the last couple of years.

I work in a male dominated industry in a country which is still very much stuck in it being a man's world... I'm sick and tired of clients asking to speak to a man in the office about an issue that is to do with MY department where I have more knowledge than the blokes who work under me!

Add to that, men who coast along in life doing fuck all at home and with the kids, yet people fall over themselves to tell me how wonderful he is because he takes DS to the park occasionally.

I bought an expensive car based pretty much solely on the following interactions:

German 3 letter car company addressed DH only, until DH was hacked off enough to say, "mate there's no point talking to me, she will be making all the decisions" and the man STILL spoke to DH.

Other car company, me: "hi do you know anything about the supercharger?" Male employee, "I'll get my manager for technical questions". And the manager spoke to me about suspension and performance while the male employee spoke to DH about paint colours and interior finishes.

Be told car companies, women do make decisions about money.

This thread is not good for my blood pressure