To think that most “self-made” people had way more help than they admit?

[ArtfulTealCrab]

Every successful person loves to talk about their “hard work” and “grit,” but they leave out the rich parents, private schools, and family connections. Is true self-made success even possible?

I think there’s plenty of people who do well from nothing - this just sounds like jealousy

my partner for example came from a council estate , parents divorced, disabled sister, herion addict brother who later died from this - he’s worked hard and made sacrifices and is now a millionaire - and he still works hard 6 days a week

Disagree, my BIL left school late 80s with no quals, left home at 18, no family support, had a variety of jobs, some skilled, then got a job in IT mid 90s and worked his way up to being manager of a large big 6 (back then) IT dept. Left after y2k and setup as an ISP, his company sold for upwards of £10mill. No family or external support, financially or otherwise. All down to hard work & entrepreneurship.

Agree

I’ve done well and I’m well off. My parents never encouraged me to do anything much. My dad didn’t believe women even needed an education. I went to a poor school and left without any qualifications.

My first marriage was awful. He was emotionally and sexually abusive. After we split up I went to college. I actually believed I was pretty dim but I thought I would give it a go.

I passed a string of GCSEs and A levels, all at grade A. I have a diploma, a degree and a post grad in teaching. I’ve done well, all through my own hard graft.

Possible, but very hard. I have earned every penny I have ever had since I was 18. I know I took fewer risks financially than someone with a safety net could.

I started what some might say is a successful business. It took me 10 years to get there and so much failure in the process. And genuine financial hardship. But I always knew that whatever happened I could move back in with my parents (if I lost everything) and that gives you a lot of confidence.

Also having children in 30s I can't imagine taking so many risks and living life like a broke teenager for so long would fly if I had a family while growing my business.

Even if they had wealth before idc. Elon musk for example, his dad was a millionaire, but he managed to turn whatever help he had to become a centa-billionaire.

Also lord sugar. Grew up in a council estate but worked his way to become a billionaire.

A close friend is from a single parent family, very little money growing up, disabled sibling who will require care for life prevented his mum working more hours or retraining. He’s the same age as me and a multi millionaire.

Yes having money to fall back on helps, but often they’re the people who don’t have enough drive or can do attitude, as they didn’t need it growing up.

Lords Sugars parents gave him money to buy a load of goods that he then sold. He used those profits to establish a business. But he did get help.

Privilege isn't just getting financial handouts but having guidance and education to help you achieve something on your own. Or having enriching experiences as a child to build your cultural capital so that you can fit in to different social situations as an adult.

I grew up on a council estate, first generation uni and while I've done well for myself I sometimes find myself out of my depth for example at a networking event and people talk about where they go skiing (something I've never done).
It's lots of little things that build up to give you an advantage that you don't even realise you have.

And I don't care. He turned that money into more money. If he had gotten a loan for those goods would it then have been seen as okay?

I meant it was a hand up. I am not saying it is not okay. I am saying it is different to someone like me who got not a penny after I left school.

Yes it's possible but there's a big jump to the first rung on the ladder. It's easier if you have some help.

I know a fair few that have not had it because of privilege. Mostly it's been because of the combination of hard work, risk taking and luck. Risk taking combine with luck is a big one I would say

It's a personality type, risk takers are the true successes (but also make up a lot of the failures).

Yes, they might have help, but if you take a bit of help and turn it into something. It's still impressive.
Taking over Dad's successful company? Meh. Successful but not self made.

But those people who have been dealt the shittest hand in life, who build a secure, stable, healthy life for themselves, however humble should consider themselves just as successful as the million pound turnover business man with an average start.

The other consideration is even if you don't get an actual sum of money it's a lot easier to be entrepreneurial when you know you have rich family to fall back on should it go horribly wrong and you lose everything.

I have always played it safe and taken fewer risks as I know I have zero safety net and would literally lose my house if it didn't work out.

Yes agree that having a fall back helps. It is harder to take risks when you have dependants. In construction industry/development it is notable it is men who predominantly take more risks but you have to be focused. Also the not being stupid with cash as you are building it up. I remember chatting to someone years ago about the waste of money on cars

It’s possible yes - my father came from a council house background, didn’t inherit a penny, no family help business wise, left school at 15 and became a millionaire. Hard work was a huge part but honestly so was luck (which he’ll admit himself).

I think hard work is key regardless of background. I think success can come from hard work but it doesn’t always.

I realise this might be the exception to the rule but it is possible.

There is research to show that the single biggest influence on a persons successful life outcome is being raised in a stable, two-parent married household.

If you risk take with no safety net, you can end up street homeless.

I think most self-made people did work very hard to make the most of whatever advantages they had, but yes I agree OP, it is useful to know honestly where people started from and where they ended up so you can see what was them vs their starting point.

To me the most valuable information is "what's the optimal route to improve my lot from MY starting position".

If you were born to wealth then maybe it makes sense to focus on learning investing and how to work with family offices and such to grow your fortune. If you're a middle-class kid it probably makes sense to invest in a safe professional career where you are fairly likely to succeed with your nice accent and knowledge of corporate dinner etiquette. If you're born on a sink estate maybe the best path is entrepreneurship or something high-risk, but where your background won't be held against you.

It helps to have lots examples of people from your own starting point so you can see what works and what doesn't. If everyone's pretending they came from the gutter it's a bit blah. Some careers just aren't really realistic without connections!

“True” self-made success is possible but it doesn’t mean it’s achievable for everyone. Plenty of factors make the difference when it comes to becoming successful, luck being one of them, but attitude to risks, motivation, planning etc…

One of my siblings dreams of being rich but he likely will never be because he absolutely have no motivation to work hard (his dream is to get rich quickly at minimal effort). Could he win the lottery? I guess. Could he beat the odds and find a way to become a millionaire quickly at minimal effort? Potentially but it’s unlikely. And I think someone could give him the key to success and he would still fail at making it happen because he simply lack the drive to do anything that requires any kind of work (he pretty much hasn’t worked a day in his life and is nearing 30!).

So I do strongly believe it takes a certain kind of profile to “make it” with minimal to no help and with quite a lot of luck along the way.

On the other hand, I am absolutely no billionaire but I would say I am financially successful despite a massively desfavorable background (grew up absolutely dirt poor with violence and social services involved, got kicked out while underage, didn’t graduate university as couldn’t afford it, and I am neither white nor straight which can and did definitely impact my career path). I would have never even dare to dream to earn what I earn know when I was little as it was way beyond the realm of possibilities.

Personality wise though I was always a saver/life planner/like a challenge and love to prove people and the world wrong kind of girl, I had my first (not so legal) business at 13 on the internet and even then made a good margin, and then evolved in challenging myself in different areas of life learning new skills along the way, and evolving as I went.

I was always curious never minded to work hard (I have been working since I am 17 and I have never worked less than 60 hours a week and now work much more for example) all that as long as it helped me reach my goals.

I work in close quarters with billionaires (and most aren’t self-made and wouldn’t say they are), and honestly seeing their lives up close doesn’t make me want to reach that next level. In fact quite the opposite.

I am very happy I got to where I am at and feel very proud I even got there based from where I started BUT money doesn’t bring happiness and so finally choosing to re-shape my focus and aim for quality of life (more time for me surrounded by the people I want to spend that time with and way less money) than burn myself to the ground aiming for more “things” and more digits in the bank.

So I personally know for a fact that you can start from nothing and go places, I also do believe NOT everyone can and most definitely not everyone will, I don’t know if being “self-made” should necessarily be something to look up to though. I think being successful is finding happiness irrelevant of your background and advantages/disadvantages. Most billionaires are miserable and a misery to be around too. So I think finding happiness (whatever it looks like) is the real success in life and I think when it comes to that, being born with money or not doesn’t really get you ahead (plenty of poor folks are happier than the richest people on earth).

No. My dad had the worst childhood, taken from his parents by social services - not in the UK, this is very rare in my home country, he was classed as ‘child of the State’, in an orphanage but will never be adopted or go to a foster family, and the Government is responsible for you. He fought to be allowed to go to University, when he was supposed to do an apprenticeship, graduated in nuclear physics and went on to live a comfortable life, putting my sister and I through private school, holiday house etc.
Zero family money from either side, 100% self made.

I have known several very successful self made business people. Not one of them had any family money or were privately educated. Some of them even dropped out of school with no qualifications. How did they get where they got? Hard work, luck, risk taking, tenacity, and a dash of ruthlessness. None of them are people pleasers, although some are very generous.

I think privilege comes in more forms than just rich parents, private school, cash handouts.

My dh and I are both the first of our families to go to uni. No financial support to buy a house or anything else; we both paid for our degrees with loans and PT jobs and had to rent whilst we saved our house deposit.

But what we both had was a secure home and lots of support and encouragement to go out into the world and be whatever we wanted to be. Our parents valued education and hard work. I'm far more 'successful' than my cousins whose parents didn't have the same aspirations for them as my parents had for me. That is a privilege, although one that arguably a large chunk of parents can give if they want to.

Dh and I met at uni and have a high income now (over 200k) and send both our kids to private school.

So by OP's definition, yes we are succesful without financial support or a leg up from family. However we benefitted from a great start in life, allbeit not a financially privileged one.

I would say we are the outliers though, most of the families we know that have our income / lifestyle came from richer parents than us and were gifted house deposits etc.

Out kids however will likely get a decent advantage now, with private education, the connections we've made through work and we will probably give them a house deposit when the time comes. So our kids will likely fit OPs stereotype in 15 years time.