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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex’s GF stopping him seeing our Son!

31 replies

hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:15

Long story short one of her sons (around age 16) has moved out of the home she shares with my ex and has gone to live with his dad.

She has messaged/called me saying he’s moved out because of my ex - apparently they don’t get on.

Whether that is the reason he moved out who knows.

She is obviously not happy he has moved out and is now trying to hurt my ex by stopping him from seeing our Son as a way of getting back at him!

She has literally texted me tonight and said ex will no longer be seeing our son until she gets her own place so he can hurt like she’s hurting!

I’m absolutely fuming that she’s trying to use my son as a way of getting back at my ex!!

AIBU for thinking she’s off her head and not wanting my son to be anywhere near her as she seems unstable?!

Obviously I don’t want my son to not be able to see his Dad but I have had no communication from him and can’t believe he’s just letting her call the shots!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 20/02/2025 21:17

I think you are angry at the wrong person.
If your ex wants to see his son he will

Londonrach1 · 20/02/2025 21:17

Ex the issue not the gf here

Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:23

I don’t really speak to ex other than to sort out arrangements for when he’s seeing our Son but I get the sense she’s very controlling over him. He should be putting his son first IMO

OP posts:
GoldNewt · 20/02/2025 21:25

He is choosing not to see his son.

DaniMontyRae · 20/02/2025 21:26

This has nothing to do with the gf. It is entirely up to your ex if he decides not to see his son for any reason. If the gf had any sense she would have kicked your ex out long before it got to the point of her son moving out.

Changeissmall · 20/02/2025 21:27

Is she keeping him prisoner? What a pathetic man. If he can’t bring your son to his latest woman’s house he just gives up?

Wasywasydoodah · 20/02/2025 21:28

stop dealing with the gf. Message your ex, offer contact to him directly. Then it’s up to him

outerspacepotato · 20/02/2025 21:28

So why didn't she ask your ex to leave?

If your ex doesn't see his kid because his gf's mad about her son not wanting to live with your ex, your ex is a shit dad and stepdad.

Watch out, he might be looking for a place to live soon....

KrisAkabusi · 20/02/2025 21:29

She can't stop him seeing his own child. This is all him making a choice.

Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:30

Changeissmall · 20/02/2025 21:27

Is she keeping him prisoner? What a pathetic man. If he can’t bring your son to his latest woman’s house he just gives up?

They’ve been together 7 years now. I’ve tried communicating with him about all this and had no response whatsoever. She’s ringing and texting me, I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of whatever is going on between them. I have my own life to deal with, my only concern is my Son

OP posts:
AmeliaTangfastic · 20/02/2025 21:31

How would she plan on stopping him if he wasn't a limp bit of lettuce wanted to?

She's clearly not right, but nobody would stop me seeing my children short of a court order

Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:31

KrisAkabusi · 20/02/2025 21:29

She can't stop him seeing his own child. This is all him making a choice.

He’s said nothing about it as he’s not communicated with me however she’s texted me tonight saying my son won’t be going there until she’s moved out. The house isn’t on her name as far as I know but he hasn’t made the effort to contact me to sort out what’s going to happen going forward

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 20/02/2025 21:33

hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:31

He’s said nothing about it as he’s not communicated with me however she’s texted me tonight saying my son won’t be going there until she’s moved out. The house isn’t on her name as far as I know but he hasn’t made the effort to contact me to sort out what’s going to happen going forward

Show quote history

And that's the choice he's made! It's shit, but if he wanted to see his child he could get off his arse and do it.

Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:33

Wasywasydoodah · 20/02/2025 21:28

stop dealing with the gf. Message your ex, offer contact to him directly. Then it’s up to him

I have politely asked her to stop contacting me and that any arrangements for my son will be made with his dad. I blocked her on what’s app and now it’s turned to normal calls and texts. She’s just tried ringing me 4 times even though I have told her I can’t talk.

OP posts:
Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 21:34

outerspacepotato · 20/02/2025 21:28

So why didn't she ask your ex to leave?

If your ex doesn't see his kid because his gf's mad about her son not wanting to live with your ex, your ex is a shit dad and stepdad.

Watch out, he might be looking for a place to live soon....

The house is on his name as far as I know so she can’t tell him to go and apparently she’s got nowhere else to go 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Nofrogslegs · 20/02/2025 21:36

This is 100% on your ex, has she tied him to a chair/ locked him in the cellar? If so call the police. If not he needs to act like the fully grown adult he is and be a parent to his child regardless of what gf says

Chuchoter · 20/02/2025 21:41

She can text you all she likes and say what she likes but it's all completely irrelevant and it's up to HIM not her if he sees his son or not!

Just ridiculous to blame her!

sandyhappypeople · 20/02/2025 21:47

How is contact normally arranged? Is it a regular thing or an 'as and when' type arrangement? Who does the pick ups and drop offs?

Unless it is something that is arranged through her then just block her completely and wait until your ex gets in touch, just ignore her, if your ex wants to see his kid and he isn't allowed to see him at their house then he can take him out somewhere instead.. it's a 'him' problem, not a 'you' problem.

It sounds like she has banned your son from going there and your ex is ignoring her completely so she's coming at it through you instead to try and get you to stop sending him.. If she actually cared about her own kid she would have moved out with him somewhere rather than make him live with someone that he hates.

farmlife2 · 20/02/2025 21:48

So she has chosen her partner (your ex) over her son and your ex is choosing her over his son. Your ex can choose to see his son. She can't control that if he doesn't let her.

suburberphobe · 20/02/2025 21:57

Fuck him off and just be there for your son.

New girlfriend are not important when it comes to your children.

Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 22:03

sandyhappypeople · 20/02/2025 21:47

How is contact normally arranged? Is it a regular thing or an 'as and when' type arrangement? Who does the pick ups and drop offs?

Unless it is something that is arranged through her then just block her completely and wait until your ex gets in touch, just ignore her, if your ex wants to see his kid and he isn't allowed to see him at their house then he can take him out somewhere instead.. it's a 'him' problem, not a 'you' problem.

It sounds like she has banned your son from going there and your ex is ignoring her completely so she's coming at it through you instead to try and get you to stop sending him.. If she actually cared about her own kid she would have moved out with him somewhere rather than make him live with someone that he hates.

Contact is arranged through me and him. He usually sees him a max of 26 nights a year. Pathetic really isn’t it. He says this is because of ‘work commitments’.

He usually has him on a Friday night for four weekends in a row then doesn’t have him the following four Fridays and it carries on like this all year. He says this is because sometimes he does weekend shifts.

He usually picks him up from me and then I’ve gotta collect him on the Saturday afternoon/evening.

Well yes this is what I’m thinking too, she’s been saying on and off for a long time that she’s leaving him but never does.

It’s hard to know whether she’s telling the truth or not about a lot of things but tbh unless it’s anything that directly concerns my son I don’t want to know and don’t particularly care about the pair of them!

OP posts:
Original poster
hugsandpugs · 20/02/2025 22:05

I think I’m just gonna ignore her from here forward and if she constantly texts/rings I’ll then block.

As for him I’m not gonna chase him about what’s going to happen going forward, I’ll wait and see if he initiates contact and well if he doesn’t then it’s his loss.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 20/02/2025 22:11

100% this.
If your son's father is a decent bloke he will continue to see his child, as per any agreement you have in place.
If he isn't, he is the problem, not her.

outerspacepotato · 20/02/2025 22:14

That's good.

Block her on everything. You might have to move his contact to a court approved co parenting app.

beAsensible1 · 20/02/2025 22:15

Why wouldn’t she make the man leave rather than her son? Madness.

she can’t stop your ex seeing his son. He has agency and I assume legs or a mobility aid. So if he choose not to, it’s on no one but him.

but frankly they both seem a bit shit