To bother with vasectomy reversal at 39 years old?

[BroodyBrenda]

DH had the snip 13 years ago after our twins

We would love another child but are really struggling to know whether to bother with a reversal or head straight for IVF with sperm retrieval

Cost is obviously a big factor as IVF with speed retrieval is going to cost around £10,000 for one shot whereas the reversal is £4,000

Anyone been in a similar position??

Freedom is in the horizon and you want to go back to zero and start again! Madness.

I was in a similar situation at a similar age, we opted for a dog. It was the right choice because 8 years on my now exh decided he wanted "different things". If id had the option of a baby i would have been a single mum of an 8 year old, instead I had young adult children

The chances are pretty low at your age meaning seversl ivf /icsi.
You would likely need to cost up 3+ goes or transfers.
Also.likely to need to transfer more than one baby.
I really wouldnt start on this pathb- its very hard to stop.
Do you have the uni accomm costs for twins already - what if they pick london or 4 year courses?
We got 2 rounds of 1 transfer for 10k 10years ago...

Ivf pregnancy si!ilar to twins is very stressful. As with the stress and cost of ivf then the usual miscarriage risks

My dad had a reversal 18 years later. He was assured it wouldn’t work by his dr. He had it done anyway to keep my stepmum happy (he didn’t actually want any more kids knocking on 50). However, it did work! I have a half brother and half sister.

Fuck me. Let’s all just get in our bunkers right now shall we?

I was 38, we had two abandoned cycles and three full cycles. We decided the third full was our last and it worked!

At 39 I wouldn’t waste time trying a retrieval.

£10K is the minimum it would cost. I would consider very carefully the chances of successful IVF/ICSI pregnancy at age 39+ and how much you are willing to spend. If the first attempt fails will you try again? How long will you keep trying for? Would you regret spending the money if ultimately it didn’t work?

How do you know they will want to go to uni? Why assume they will? Not everyone does! And you can get loans fir it anyway and only have to pay it back if you earn over a certain amount

Is it that unusual to be granted vasectomy after 1 pregnancy. My Dh would be 35 by the time our first and only child is born and he is trying to get a vasectomy. It seems more likely to succeed than my request for my tubes to be tied. I don't want to go through pregnancy again. I also know what it's like to yearn for a child as I had 9 years of unprotected sex (in my 20s and through to age 32) and fertility investigations before I got pregnant. I was actually beginning to come to terms with being childfree when I had my little miracle. It doesn't remotely compare with the terror I feel re an unplanned pregnancy. Truthfully even with this miracle I freak out a lot (though I love my son more than anything in the world) cos I thought I couldn't get pregnant naturally/would be years of ivf.

Missing the point of the thread I know.

Or so that they can have sex with their partner who doesn't want to worry about pregnancy again

Not all men are cunts

Sadly, student loans these days don't even cover accommodation costs.

@Winter2028 hopefully at 35 it'll be fine, OP's fella was supposedly 23 and that would be pretty unusual.

Missing the point of the post too, he was 23, yes it is very unusual.

OP, just because you feel like you want another baby, it doesn't mean you can have another baby! You made your decision 13 years ago, you have to live with it.
The alternative will be stressful, financially damaging, and physically challenging - why would you want to do that to your family?
Spend your money on therapy to help you accept what you have.

I Know someone who had a vasectomy reversal probably 20 years at least after the vasectomy. This was a second family scenario.

They still had to go through IVF as it wasn't happening naturally. IVF didn't stick. Eventually the wife got pregnant naturally but the baby passed in utero.

So, yes vasectomy reversals may work. You may still need help to conceive. All of this is going to take time.

Your twins are in their teens. Feasibly, in 10 years time, you could be grandparents.

Right now your twins are thinking of a cute baby sibling but in 5 years time, when they want to be going out late etc are they going to want to be thinking about creeping around so they don't wake their sib? Are they thinking that mum and dad's taxi will still run when someone has to be home with their younger sibling?

In 10 years time, are they going to want to be babysitting so mum and dad have a night out?
Your twins are now at an age where they are heading towards total independence. It's natural to yearn for those baby and toddler years.

I'm not going to say don't do it. I'm just saying make sure yours, and your twins' eyes are wide open and see if you still all feel the same.

Don't do it!

My youngest is 14 and DH had the snip after he was born.

I'm 41 now. When I turned 38 I was desperate for another. I cried all the time. Looked jealously at babies in buggies

We pondered exactly what you are.

I'm so bloody glad we didn't go ahead with it.

It was absolutely hormones crying out and now I'm absolutely HORRIFIED at the thought I could have been sat here with a baby/toddler.

Nightmare!

100% of the urges gone!

Sorry op I think it’s odd, life is a series of stages it’s trying to cling onto the stage before, Why not move on positively?

We have 2 about to start uni. Given that the OP has £10k for IVF I assume they are relatively high earners. We earn a combination of £80k. The DC will only get loans that cover the fees plus £4k for living expenses. Given that the cost of halls is more than this they then also have to have money for food, the rest of the rent, books, travel etc. they will be getting jobs but we will need to support them.

My husband had a reversal it didn't work. We went down the IVF route. I was an egg donor so saved some money on the fees. It was very low level IVF as neither of us had a fertility issue as such. One cycle and froze some embryos. Now have two children :-)

Speak to a local fertility clinic and discuss your options. Maybe have some tests yourself. Not being rude but womens' fertility decreases significantly in late 30's. Would be an awful shame if he had a reversal and you still struggled.

100% this.

OP is nuts! What if you have a severely disabled child? Teenagers and a newborn is crazy. Will you then feel like you need to have another so that this baby has a close in age sibling?

Get a hobby, or a puppy, and stop being daft. Read the thread about the woman being mistaken for her child's grandmother!

Thanks for the laugh - stupidest thing I've read on here in quite a while!

Well played 👏

There’s no way I’d do either. Stressful and expensive with no guarantee of success, especially given your age. I’d use the money to make your and your DCs lives better or more fun instead.

Or look at adopting a child if you really want one

yes, that's what the "other women" part of my comment referred to.

You can't seriously believe this. Most men who have vasectomies are planning/having affairs?

I'm genuinely sorry if your experience of men has been bad. Some of them are complete shits and being unfaithful and sexually incontinent is way too commonplace. But when you buy into the idea that they're all like this and that's just how it is, you accept and normalise the behaviour. It's not normal, it's not acceptable, and men are capable of being amazing dads and husbands. Let's not let the shite ones off the hook by propagating this myth that all men are like that and it's out of their hands.

You need help!

Seriously, if a man taking control of one by using one of limited ways he can of contraception, means to you he’s doing it to be able to commit adultery with out financial consequence, then you’ve got a very warped view of men!

How sad.

A man has a vasectomy = adulterer … wow