To bother with vasectomy reversal at 39 years old?

[BroodyBrenda]

DH had the snip 13 years ago after our twins

We would love another child but are really struggling to know whether to bother with a reversal or head straight for IVF with sperm retrieval

Cost is obviously a big factor as IVF with speed retrieval is going to cost around £10,000 for one shot whereas the reversal is £4,000

Anyone been in a similar position??

Mine
He is 36

Not on board that they are responsible in any way
Obviously not

Just that they’ve both wanted a sibling for a very long time

I guess as they’re twins they haven’t really had that experience as much

People on here are acting like you’re both ancient yet on other threads there is countless women pregnant in their mid 40s.

Also too many people obsessed with being perimenopausal.

I would speak to a fertility clinic and see what they advice as your best option.

I’d go straight for IVF. Obviously totally your decision, but bear in mind energy declines as we age, and there’s a lot to be said for having your kids when you’re young, so you’re still young enough to enjoy your freedom the other end. I know as DS1 was 11 and 14 when his siblings were born. Youngest is now 17 and my freedom is almost touching distance. My brother and his 2nd wife had a later in life baby, she was 42 and he was 48. He is exhausted and does have a lot of regret for the freedom he gave up (his DD’s are 30 and 24).

Your DH had a vasectomy at 23? Surely he must have been very sure about it to end his fertility at such a young age?

I think its Bonkers tbh.
Just at the age when they are getting more independent. Exams, college, university. You’ll get some time back for you and your hubby, cinema dates, Meals out, holidays, bliss. But you want to throw a baby into the mix and go right back to the start of nappies, tantrums, potty training, school
runs, and Have nursery fees at the same time as university fees. Another 10 years of the small child lifestyle, I think that’s absolutely mental

Your DH had a vasectomy at 23?

We couldn't find a GP that would entertain it until at least 30. My friend's husband managed to get it done late 20s but she nearly died in childbirth so they pressed on that.

Good luck OP but just to say that being a twin is the very definition of having a sibling…

So your DH was given a vasectomy at 23 after one successful pregnancy for you? That’s very odd. Unless you’ve frozen your eggs a few years ago your chances aren’t amazing even with IVF. Spend the money on your kids or an amazing holiday with them before they go off to uni instead

On what planet do twins not no what it’s like to have a sibling?

We had a similar dilemma in 2021. My husband had a vasectomy in 2013 after our 2nd child (we would have liked more children but knew financially we couldn’t). Things changed and we decided we wanted more children. We made the decision that we would try a reversal and hope for the best but not go further with any ivf.

The reversal happened in June 2021 and it was mentioned at the time that it went reasonably well. My husband was 41 but I was younger at 34. I got pregnant before he went back to have the sperm test and our 3rd daughter was born in 2022.

I appreciate we were very very lucky and we took a risk that it might not have happened at all and we were ok with that.

We have 15, 12 and a 2 yr old dds. So a big age gap too. However we have lots of help, we are comfortable financially and we are fit and healthy - which must make a big difference to how easy things are.

This!! With bells on.

My DH had a vasectomy after our son was born (he also had 2 children from previous marriage) we decided that 3 would be enough. When my son turned 2 I started pining for another baby my DH had a reversal I got pregnant 2 months later with our daughter. When she was born I had a tubal ligation bc I r thought I didn’t want another child but when I turned 45 I became desperate for another baby had a reversal but sadly didn’t work. All I can say is don’t screw around with your body I was v v lucky to have my daughter.

Replies so far have been so patronising.
OP is asking a specific Q, not for advice on if she should have another baby. Her mind is made up on that.

Women at 39 are having babies left, right, and centre; it's hardly unusual.

FWIW OP, I've got no experience but would maybe go to a consultant with the surgeon to ask % chance of natural conception with the reversal. They might suggest an AMH blood test for you.

If chances for you or your partner are low, I'd do the ivf

@GloriousBlue it's a discussion forum and this is AIBU. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. It's not the OP's age that's the issue but her pre-existing children.

I'd take this thread with a large pinch of salt personally though.

@GloriousBlue the op already has two teens and would have to make large financial sacrifices to have another baby. Surely we can offer advice that it would be better to focus on her existing two children

Your teens being on board- they won't even know the reality until it hits them. Plus it's an adult decision, not one to ask any child.

You are being selfish. You should be happy with what you have. Put the money towards your existing children.

Sperm donor would be easier

Personally, I'd get the standard tests done and understand how likely either a reversal and/or IVF would be.

For some woman, the sucess rate for IVF after 36/37 isn't great - less than 10% chance of a live birth. Ivf sadly, isn't guaranteed and even when you are younger it can take multiple tries to finally get sucess. It took me 3 rounds/5 transfers to get my daughter between the age of 32 and 34.

You could enquire about sperm retrieval and IUD if you fertility is good.

I would assume, and it didn’t take me long to think, that they want a much younger sibling to enjoy. Do you think that may be what the op meant?

He had a vasectomy at 23? Blimey. That cannot be a common age to have it done.

Also, I’d have thought twins would have had the ultimate sibling experience.

Well it isn’t what she said is it. It didn’t take me long to think that the teens wouldn’t have a clue about the reality of IVF, pregnancy and the impact of a baby on them and the finances and everything else that comes with IVF and a newborn sibling when you’re heading towards your GCSEs.

At 39, and with the vasectomy being that long ago, I would go for ICSI with surgical sperm retrieval for sure. You can't afford time wise to try a reversal (which is unlikely to work).

Both our kids were born using the above method, DH had had his vasectomy 12 years previously.

The post WW2 Western Alliance is about to collapse. I wouldn't be making any major life decisions right now.

Nah
Get a kitten.