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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the GP should have believed this?

128 replies

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 20:02

Son (18) had two nosebleeds yesterday. I took his blood pressure 3 times and the average over 3 readings was 152/86 which is obviously high, particularly at that age.

He had been sat still for about an hour before I took the readings and I asked him to sit still, breathe properly, not talk etc.

He had childhood asthma and as part of his annual check ups for asthma the nurse saw his blood pressure was elevated (approx 2 years ago) and sent us home with a blood pressure machine to take 3 readings and average them out and to do it twice per day which we did. This is why I was familiar with the whole taking it three times, making sure you’re not talking etc. His blood pressure was still elevated but if I remember correctly they weren’t concerned as it was slightly lower than what she has gotten in the surgery (I think it was in the pre blood pressure category, think yellow or orange) I trusted them that it was okay as they didn’t feel any further investigation was necessary but in hindsight I should have had this checked more frequently.

The GP today took his BP twice and both times it was 153/87. We had been sat relaxed in the waiting room for 30 minutes, no caffeine etc. I explained that if he looked at my son’s notes he would see that it was elevated last time he had it checked and that I was worried that it may have been high all this time and about the long term affects of that.

The GP advised me / my son to do the same thing we did previously and keep a record over a week which, for the record I agree with and can understand the need for.

But I’m so upset at what the GP kept saying “It’s very unusual for a person this age to have high BP, it could be that you have things on your mind.” “You need to be completely relaxed and take the lowest reading.” And more words to that effecf. It’s like he didn’t believe it could be the case that my son has high blood pressure if that makes sense? It’s not like we showed up today and it was low, it was high both times the GP took it, it was high when the nurse took it, it was high when I took it three times yesterday and it was high when I took it 6 times a day for 7 days 2 years ago. What would it take for him to believe he has high BP? I explained that my Dad died of a heart attack and he asked me how old he was, when I said 70 I felt a bit silly but now I’m cross for not saying ‘but he had hypertension for at least 20 years before that and actually although 70 isn’t considered young it is younger than the average age for a man to die.) I also explained his Grandfather on his Dad’s side had a heart attack (I don’t know how he is now as they’re no contact).

I don’t think it helps that my son looks like the picture of health, he weight lifts and has done since he was 13 so is very muscular.

Surely the GP should have offered some lifestyle advice at least? Or say something along the lines of “If it’s still high then we will look at doing…..” He didn’t ask whether son drinks alcohol / smokes / takes drugs / eats a good diet / caffeine / salt etc. I had just spent an hour talking to my son about how he should probably eat more fruit and veg and up his water intake etc so it would have been nice if the GP seemed to believe his BP was actually high.

I will take the readings and take them back to the GP but WIBU to insist son is checked out more thoroughly if they’re still high? (I kind of already know they will be). AIBU to feel a little like the GP is unreasonable when he couldn’t believe an 18 year old could have high BP?

Just so there’s no drip feeds son doesn’t drink (maybe once every 6 months) smoke or do drugs. He doesn’t have any caffeine at all, no pre workouts, hot drinks or energy drinks etc. However, he does eat more than the recommended amount of red meat so that’s something to look at for us (bodybuilding thing I think). He wanted me to come into the appointment with him by the way because he knew he would need me to remember some of the details.

That's long - sorry.

OP posts:
Twillywoowooo · 18/02/2025 22:06

I appreciate he’s 18 but only just no longer considered a child. One of my old lecturers gave this presentation on hypertension in children. Your post made me think of it and I remember the line about most GPs not being able to work it out as not just a case of measuring it as you do for adults but needing to match for weight, age, sex etc. Anyway I hope it doesn’t get discounted as high bp does occur in the young and may not get picked up until some event happens. Here’s the link.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zLqiwLIs-Y0

OogieBoogiO · 18/02/2025 22:06

Just wanted to say I think you’re doing the best you can with the information you have. I think the next interaction with healthcare will be the telling one.

I do know how it feels when doctors are dismissive even if they are statistically accurate. I have a genetic food intolerance and the doctor didn’t want to investigate my son because children “don’t usually show symptoms of x under the age of x”. A comment like that is enough for one to not feel comfortable pushing the matter - but your conscience is telling you you’re letting your child down. Because it’s not ANY child, it’s a child with higher likelihood.

Thats why I think this is an important question for you. You want to know if you should go into next exam situation ready to “push” things, or let things go.

Wishing you the best!

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:06

AppleCucumber · 18/02/2025 21:28

Also @Weddingbells6 , you're right to be concerned with a high BP. I lost my sibling at 40 from a stroke caused by high blood pressure. He was fine and healthy until he wasn't one day and things went downhill from there. My parents certainly didn't step away because he was an adult. They and we cared for him until he passed, that's what families do.

Edited to add, the doctors can confirm what's a dangerously high level but just saying high blood pressure is certainly something to keep an eye on

Edited

I’m sorry to hear that happened to your family, how awful.

OP posts:
DogDaysNeverEnd · 18/02/2025 22:07

I had high BP when I was young and fit. Every time I went and they did a routine check it was noted and then NOTHING done. I then had pre-eclampsia and finally I'm on BP meds. As I understand some people have hereditary high BP. I usually hover around 140 over 90 without medication. I've never had a nosebleed or any symptoms at all.

You can ask for an ambulatory BP test that tracks for 24 hours to see if its white coat syndrome or something worth looking into more.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:07

Twillywoowooo · 18/02/2025 22:06

I appreciate he’s 18 but only just no longer considered a child. One of my old lecturers gave this presentation on hypertension in children. Your post made me think of it and I remember the line about most GPs not being able to work it out as not just a case of measuring it as you do for adults but needing to match for weight, age, sex etc. Anyway I hope it doesn’t get discounted as high bp does occur in the young and may not get picked up until some event happens. Here’s the link.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zLqiwLIs-Y0

Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 18/02/2025 22:08

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:04

Thank you. I was the same with my eldest, she 24 now with her own home and partner, job, dog etc. it hasn’t harmed her to have me there by her side while she still lived at home. I’m not sure why the people are so angry about it 😂 I have younger ones also and I suppose I’m just used to doing it and want to be fully informed myself to help him.

Is anyone “angry”? I don’t see that, I just see people encouraging a young adult to take care of their own health with guidance if needed

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:08

DogDaysNeverEnd · 18/02/2025 22:07

I had high BP when I was young and fit. Every time I went and they did a routine check it was noted and then NOTHING done. I then had pre-eclampsia and finally I'm on BP meds. As I understand some people have hereditary high BP. I usually hover around 140 over 90 without medication. I've never had a nosebleed or any symptoms at all.

You can ask for an ambulatory BP test that tracks for 24 hours to see if its white coat syndrome or something worth looking into more.

Oh that’s good to know thank you.

OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 18/02/2025 22:09

The side effects of anabolic steroid misuse for men are as follows:

Effects of anabolic steroids in men can include:

So if he is using them, he may want to think about this.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:10

Nicknacky · 18/02/2025 22:08

Is anyone “angry”? I don’t see that, I just see people encouraging a young adult to take care of their own health with guidance if needed

I doubt you’ve ready every comment tbh but not looking for an argument with a stranger on the internet.

OP posts:
bakebeans · 18/02/2025 22:11

LavenderFields7 · 18/02/2025 20:22

Hate to ask, but any chance he’s taking steroids?

I was thinking the same thing

GG1986 · 18/02/2025 22:11

When my mum was 17, she went to the Dr a few times as kept getting urine infections, her blood pressure was checked at one appointment and was high, it was checked again on a different date and still high so she was eventually given more tests and it turns out she had something wrong with her kidneys and one was removed. Keep a diary of the readings and make another appointment in a couple of weeks.

CaptainBeanThief · 18/02/2025 22:11

Hmm,
Id be inclined to say that reading isn't "bad" as his diastolic numbers are pretty much bang on "perfect" and they are the ones that doctors are more concerned with, yes, his systolic are raised however, I'm not surprised with you checking it over and over again.

Did GP suggest any other tests i.e. 24 hour/urine test?

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:11

Lovethesparklylights · 18/02/2025 21:29

153/87 isn't very high, mine is roughly 165/93 and I'm not medicated for it currently. It was 200/110 or so and I had medication then and they were worried about that. They worry more about the bottom number than the top.
It can go up from stress, dehydration, salt, diet, being too heavy, sickness and other reasons. Get him to Google ways to lower it and take responsibility for it himself.

My Dad died with a similar reading to yours. I wouldn’t be happy if I were you.

OP posts:
bakebeans · 18/02/2025 22:14

Just a thought re steroids, other lifestyle factors. Not saying it’s a definitive answer but it needs to be ruled out.
i would have the conversation with him before the health professionals ask and go back and ask to see a different doctor if need be.

Nicknacky · 18/02/2025 22:15

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:10

I doubt you’ve ready every comment tbh but not looking for an argument with a stranger on the internet.

I have read all comments, it’s not a long thread, only 4 pages. No one is “angry”. Why would they be?

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:15

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 18/02/2025 21:34

Sorry but 153/87 is high. Your blood pressure is considered stage one high if it’s 130 to 139 over 80 to 89.

Why on earth would the NHS website say this is high if it isn’t? I can’t quite get my head around people thinking it’s not high. Mine is lower and I’m 45, exhausted, I vape, drink, eat crap and my 18 year olds BP is higher than mine of course I’m a little concerned. Honestly people just say anything I think, they might not be worried about a.n.other person because they’re 106 years old with diabetes, alcoholism and a bazillion other health conditions that will kill them before a dodgy ticker. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t want my son to be believed and checked out thoroughly.

OP posts:
MiniPumpkin · 18/02/2025 22:16

You need to monitor at home first thing in morning and last thing at night when completely relaxed.
I have high bp and told that high readings at home over time is more worrying than at GP fir obvious reasons.
I would be wary of steroids/caffiene/supplements . He may not be honest about everything

GravyBoatWars · 18/02/2025 22:17

Yes it's really surprising to me when people get backlash for caring for their you g adult children. Are parents expected to basically no longer care when their kids are adults? Baffling to me.

Oh, stop. Caring about our children is not under debate. An increasingly large part of being a parent as out DC grow is still caring deeply - and worrying - while also taking a step (or several) back. People have different views on how much independence and autonomy should be expected of teens and young adults but the decision has to be driven by the child’s needs and abilities, not our own feelings. Most parents care so much we’d encase them in a bubble 24/7 if it was about that.

No one expects parents to stop caring ever. But over time they do need to stop doing.

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:18

MiniPumpkin · 18/02/2025 22:16

You need to monitor at home first thing in morning and last thing at night when completely relaxed.
I have high bp and told that high readings at home over time is more worrying than at GP fir obvious reasons.
I would be wary of steroids/caffiene/supplements . He may not be honest about everything

Thanks, I did do this before and it still came out high. I don’t have any problems doing it again and think it’s sensible. I feel like some people want to gaslight me into thinking it isn’t high or they believe I’m exaggerating but if you could have seen us last night, we were getting him comfy, no one was talking, we were all doing deep breathing etc - I want it to be a normal reading, I really do.

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 18/02/2025 22:18

OP, I'm 50 and if I asked my Mum to come to a GP appointment with me, she'd be there. Your son ASKED you to come with him, in my view if he hadn't wanted you there, he wouldn't have asked you to come!! Yes, 18 is an adult, but as soon as a child hits 18, you don't just say 'right that's it, you're 18, no more support from me'. Life is a learning curve, and sometimes we need that little bit of support. In all honesty OP, my first thought at the high blood pressure and nosebleeds was steroid use. You mention that your son has a very muscular upper body; it's the part of the body that becomes bigger quicker with steroid use. The fact your son had body issues as a young teenager, for me is a red flag, that possibly he's resorted to steroids to achieve the aesthetic look. To achieve a highly muscular, defined body, naturally, takes years, it doesn't happen within a couple of years of regular gym use. If he's achieved that kind of look, within a relatively short period of time, then I'd say steroids are involved. I hope OP, I am wrong.

bakebeans · 18/02/2025 22:18

Intracranial hypertension is another. This may go hand in hand with the nosebleeds

www.nhs.uk/conditions/intracranial-hypertension/

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:20

Sassybooklover · 18/02/2025 22:18

OP, I'm 50 and if I asked my Mum to come to a GP appointment with me, she'd be there. Your son ASKED you to come with him, in my view if he hadn't wanted you there, he wouldn't have asked you to come!! Yes, 18 is an adult, but as soon as a child hits 18, you don't just say 'right that's it, you're 18, no more support from me'. Life is a learning curve, and sometimes we need that little bit of support. In all honesty OP, my first thought at the high blood pressure and nosebleeds was steroid use. You mention that your son has a very muscular upper body; it's the part of the body that becomes bigger quicker with steroid use. The fact your son had body issues as a young teenager, for me is a red flag, that possibly he's resorted to steroids to achieve the aesthetic look. To achieve a highly muscular, defined body, naturally, takes years, it doesn't happen within a couple of years of regular gym use. If he's achieved that kind of look, within a relatively short period of time, then I'd say steroids are involved. I hope OP, I am wrong.

Thanks. Yeah I don’t really do the gym so I don’t know how long it should take to achieve what he’s achieved. It’s something we need to chat about, ironically he’s currently at the gym 😂

OP posts:
Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 22:22

Fraaances · 18/02/2025 21:37

It’s not just the drug scene involved that causes the high incidence of cardiac death in weight lifters. Just so you know, weight lifting itself can also cause high BP. Extreme muscularity puts pressure on the cardiovascular and integumentary system.

I didn’t know this 😭

OP posts:
BigDecisionWorthIt · 18/02/2025 22:23

MyrtleLion · 18/02/2025 22:09

The side effects of anabolic steroid misuse for men are as follows:

Effects of anabolic steroids in men can include:

So if he is using them, he may want to think about this.

To add to this, acne can be subtle or extreme and can be focused around the chest, shoulders and back.

I'd seen a reel on Instagram earlier by an influencer asking people about side effects and one said "nut pain".

The other risk that doesn't get talked about frequently is coming off cycle. By using at a young age you are essentially stopping your natural testosterone production and relying on chemical ingestion of it. Coming off of steroids poses a risk of permanent damage to natural testosterone production and the potential need to be on testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) after that. All fine and dandy if you are in the US/Canada. But getting placed on TRT through the NHS will be a pain in the ass and involve a lot of jumping through hoops.

Edit: saw mention of extreme musclarity in another post. That isn't going to be a risk or issue for natural lifters and is only an issue for those using steroids purely because you are pushing your body past its natural genetic limit.

PregnantForNow · 18/02/2025 22:23

Weddingbells6 · 18/02/2025 21:02

Oh god really? He would just ignore it to be honest unless he collapsed. Do people stop scheduling / attending appointments with them when they reach 18? He hasn’t passed his driving test yet so I definitely needed to take him as it’s not on a bus route. I don’t always go in (he rarely goes to the GP) but I remembered some stuff he didn’t about this one.

I don't think my mother attended a doctor's appointment with me once I turned probably 15 or so. Nor was she booking them.

Certainly by 18 absolutely not. If I had something serious or painful to deal with at a hospital appointment I might have taken my mother (as I did during wisdom tooth removal much older) but to the GP, no.

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