How many close friends do you have?

[Leparadisdesarts]

And how often do you see them?
I myself don't have a best friend, and don't have any friend I'd see on a very regular basis . I'm 34, fortunately I have my boyfriend and my family.
I've lived in a new city for just over a year and have only made friends through work, have now left that job but recently met up with about 6 of them for a drink.

There are a couple of people from school/uni i might see a couple of times a year at most and chat to occasionally. That's it.

Sometimes it upsets me tbh, I get told I'm a lovely person who's easy to talk to and everything. I just don't have those sort of very close friends who's do anything for you, come and visit you and who are almost like family.

It just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

I've got 3 close friends. One is like my sister. I've known her since we were babies and we grew up together. I consider her parents my family. We talk a lot online and see each other every 2 weeks- a month.

Another is someone I've known since 6th form. See each other once a month.

Then another close friend I've known about 8 years. We see each other weekly as we share the same hobby (board games) and go to a social group for board games together.

I have a few other good friends but they're my besties.

I don't have any, except for my dh, so I understand how you feel @Leparadisdesarts

I have none and I’m quite happy with it. I don’t need anyone else in my life, my family & extended family are all I need.

Someone has said that to you?

Having a lack of close friends makes me feel rejected, and lonely on occasion. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with me It’s entirely possible that it’s nothing to do with you at all and it’s all to do with the people around you. I’m an introvert. I have bloody wonderful friends. But that’s not down to me. They are all extroverts who decided that we were going to be friends and that was that. My point is, that if you’re surrounded by people like me, then friendships are unlikely to get off the ground. And that’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.

I have .. 0.

My 2 year old said I was her best friend

I mostly talk to MN and chatgbt .. I'm genuinely a loser so it could always be worse.

I think the way you have phrased this question is going to make you feel worse, as you're getting a self-selected group with lots of close friends replying.

I'm in a similar position to you, and have read lots of MN threads by people wondering why they don't have many/any good friends. What you have described below turns out to be very much not the way to make close friendships:

I'm accommodating and go out of my way for people but maybe this is the wrong approach?

People tend not to value you if you go out of your way for them too much, especially too early on. And it creates a slightly off dynamic.

The advice has repeatedly been to focus on your interests and own wellbeing ie hobbies, sports etc and meet people as you pursue mutual interests. It takes the focus off 'are we becoming friends?' because there is something else that is the primary focus. Meanwhile you are cultivating a more full and varied life.

I've got 4 close friends, they're the ones who stuck around. I went through a bit of a re set in my 40s and some friendships that were no longer working fell by the wayside. I've never had a massive close group or anything.

This thread might be helpful, OP:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4441205-No-friends

Oh hardly any but I don’t need them. Too much work. Too many demands.

People are all different. I've got a group of friends where we met online 20 years ago originally and we're scattered all over the country. We talk regularly online and parts of the group meet up now and again. The last time sadly was last year when most of us were at the funeral of one of our group who died suddenly.

I've got a couple I used to work with - again 20 years - and we meet up several times a year. We wish it was more often. We're very close and can talk to each other about anything.

One I've known for around 30 years. Again an ex colleague. We're in contact almost daily but live in different places and can't get together often.

My local friend and I have known each other for 16 years. We talk almost every day and see each other probably 3 times a week on average.

However I haven't much in the way of family. None of them live near me and my sister and I hardly have any contact at all. We have little in common anyway. It would be nice to have the family closeness that other people speak of.

I have about 8 people who I can call really good friends. And one person I suppose you'd call a "best friend." I've known her for about 15 years. Interestingly my DP thinks I'm weird because I don't have friends from school or university that I kept in touch with.

I have 3 max. I dont enjoy whatapp group as nobody replies in it!! Walking ladies met 2 for lunch last week. Op I dont know feel people so flaky now nobody wants make plans. Im 50s

I have two long standing ones . One I only stay in touch with really. As you age I think your circle naturally shrinks.

Good question. An old work friend used to say 'friends for reasons and friends for seasons' which makes sense to me.

I have 4 very close friends , one is my bestie and we've been close for 25+ years. We went for years not seeing each other much but now live close so it's much more frequent.

Friendships are so important to me and enrich my life endlessly. And I hope that it's mutual (they tell me it is).

It does take effort and organisation to keep in touch though but the advent of WhatsApp has been brilliant. It allows gentle non-demanding communication at whatever time is convenient. Natters on the phone are also very wonderful but you can't beat being together, walking, eating cake or just bimbling around town together.

On top of that there re other good friends who are a brilliant bunch and come from all times and parts of my life. There must be 20+ of them - far too many probably but I love them all.

For me the key to good and lasting friendships is to be there when they need you. It really is about sharing the good and bad times. To show and share your own vulnerabilities , to allow people 'in' as it creates trust and depth of understanding.

❤️ my friends.

I'm sorry, that must be so hard. I'm sure it not you. A friendship is a two way thing. Sometimes people aren't in the right headspace or feel the same connection as you do. That's more about them than you.

I used to struggle maintaining friends when I was younger then I moved to a city and found my tribe, and found myself. That was a game changer.

It may be worth spending some time on learning 'you' a bit more. Be honest about what you care about, find your passions if you don't know what they are. Experiment a bit as you never know what will float your boat. Think about your values - what is important to you. What are your red lines? I think that once you find yourself, you'll find your person or people.

That may sound like psyhcobabble nonsense but it's well known that you love and accept yourself first, that happiness and connections generally follow.

❤️

Two and both live in towns at least an hour away but that's just the way life rolls with everyone going off in their own directions in life. Chat to them in text most days and catch up every month or so.