How many close friends do you have?

[Leparadisdesarts]

And how often do you see them?
I myself don't have a best friend, and don't have any friend I'd see on a very regular basis . I'm 34, fortunately I have my boyfriend and my family.
I've lived in a new city for just over a year and have only made friends through work, have now left that job but recently met up with about 6 of them for a drink.

There are a couple of people from school/uni i might see a couple of times a year at most and chat to occasionally. That's it.

Sometimes it upsets me tbh, I get told I'm a lovely person who's easy to talk to and everything. I just don't have those sort of very close friends who's do anything for you, come and visit you and who are almost like family.

It just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

I know I'm lucky to even have those and that some people don't have anyone. I guess I just feel sad sometimes that I'm not really close.
A woman i got on really well with in my last job seems to have put me on mute for the time being, we've not fallen out or anything. I guess she wants a break with it being half term which is fair enough but she usually writes a lot to me on WhatsApp and we talked several times a week. I'm probably taking it personally but just makes me wonder if I got on her nerves.

I've never understood the best friend thing outside of primary school.

I have 3-5 close friends (always the 3, the others depend on how busy life is) plus acquaintances.

This works for me. I would feel trapped otherwise.

(I'm not counting my family in this)

I arrange to see them every now and then otherwise life gets too busy. I don't think there's a right or wrong unless you're unhappy.

I used to feel a bit like this in my 30s, now - in my 40s I have too many friends to keep up with and enjoy my own company more.

Leaving aside my sisters I have a group of 8 friends from school whom I see regularly
Also 4 close Uni friends who I see all the time
And a handful of former colleagues etc
I married late which I think can strengthen friendships

I have a friend from when I was 11, we don't see each other that often but we pick up where we left off when we do see each other.

I have 3 very close friends who I see on a very regular basis, we all get together at least every couple of weeks but I see one or more of them weekly.

We have a wider circle of friends who we see about 6-8 weeks.

We tend to book in when we're seeing each other next otherwise weeks go by and life gets in the way.

I don't have any . I spend alot of time on MN. Share stuff that probably boring and pretty much day to day. Sort of talk to MN like i would a friend 😭

We tend to book in when we're seeing each other next otherwise weeks go by and life gets in the way.

This, otherwise you suddenly realise you haven’t seen each other in 6 months. It happens all too easily.

I have a friend from college, my oldest friend (friends for 20 years) we chat occasionally and meet up say once every few months. I have a few friends from previous job and we meet once every few months, then I have mum friends and we may meet for play dates or lunch at the weekend or go out for drinks etc but we don’t speak daily. I don’t have what I’d call a best friend. I have my husband… he’s my best friend.

Maybe 20?
I see some of them just a couple of times a year (they live in my home country) and some I see once or twice a week, some once or twice a month and other 4-5 times a year.

I'm very much a social person, I make friends easily and we tend to stick together overtime.

I've got a number of close friends, might stretch it out to 12, see them all regularly, talk and messenger constantly.
1 school friend, 1 uni friend, png group of 4, 3 sets of mums. Find it easy to maintain them all because it is very important indeed to me to have close friends I can rely on and can share things with.

These are all great to hear but this is alien to me, can't imagine a friend wanting to see or speak to me every week, especially see me. It's making me wonder what's wrong with me and it does hurt.

This is going to sound really paranoid but I've videoed myself talking on several occasions and can't see anything off-putting. I shower every day and keep my teeth and hair etc. Clean at all times, always wear deodorant and body spray. I don't think I'm ovely negative, catty or anything like that nor do I boast about how wonderful I am.

Probably one that I would count as close but we aren’t as close as we used to be. I haven’t had a friendship group since I was school age. This suits me as I’m a big introvert and much prefer my own company to social occasions, which I find exhausting. I’m in my 30s.

Not that I ever intend on getting married, but if I did, I’d literally have no one to invite in terms of friends. I do find that a bit strange when I look at other people with their wonderful friendship groups, but then remember I don’t like people very much lol

This is also me. Being social drains me. I can’t think of much worse than having to spend time in other peoples (bar my family’s) company 🙊

It’s ironic because I work in a totally people centred job (nursing) in an area that is particularly sensitive when it comes to breaking bad news, communication etc. Professionally I consider my social skills to be my bread and butter. Socially, I’m absolutely dreadful. Being bullied throughout school probably didn’t help (although I had lots of friends in school) so the easiest thing was to draw zero attention to myself.

Clearly, it won't be any of these things, even if you had wonky teeth or bad hair, it wouldn't be an issue, if it was, well you guess it, those people wouldn't be worthy of your friendship.
This said, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with you at all.
Friendships are hard, a lot of people I've met in recent years would say the same as you, yet I think they're absolutely delightful people.

You've moved to a new city a year ago and recently met with 6 people - I find that quite impressive.
It took me YEARS to make friends when I moved to the UK. For the best of 4 years, I had maybe 2-3 friends here (from work as well).
Maybe there's a cultural aspect to that, but I think it's more a matter of inertia in the sense that it's really hard to "start" a friendship with one person, but once it's "gelled", you meet their friends and then more people and it sort of snowballs from here, and in the process, you grow in confidence, in self-awareness, and there you are caught in a virtuous cycle.

Why does it bother you exactly?
Do you feel you're missing out on anything? What appeals you in having close friends?

Thanks for your message.the group of 6 were from work, out of them I only speak to 2 more regularly but one has muted me this week which is hurtful. I know I shouldn't be taking it personally and it's possibly nothing to do with me. She normally writes to me a lot but now I'm thinking maybe she's muted me as I'm annoying or maybe it's because we won't be working together anymore.

I don't know I just wondered if something was off with my 'vibe' that was putting people off. Having a lack of close friends makes me feel rejected, and lonely on occasion. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with me.
Maybe I'm trying too hard? I'm accommodating and go out of my way for people but maybe this is the wrong approach?

Sounds like it's situational OP, and I think you've done well to keep friends from your old job even though you're newish in town. Don't give up hope.

You sound like a pleasant attractive person, OP, and if anything is putting people off, my guess is that you're really anxious about making friends and your tension is transferring itself to the other person. IME, when I'm not too bothered about connecting with someone, they are far more relaxed with me and more likely to make friendly overtures.

I have a group from school/6th form of around 9 or us but we are spread out around the country and as a group only manage to get together probably once a year. Two of those a local to me and I see quarterly and a few others I manage to see odd weekends if they're back visiting family. My uni lot is 4 of us girls, again spread out now. We manage to meet normally 3 at a time 4 times a year but always works out one can't make it. Since I had my daughter 2 years ago I've made my best friends who i see weekly. There's 3 I'm super close to and then another I'm pretty friendly with. My husbands best friends wife has become a good friend because we had our children at the same time too.

Enough. That's all anyone needs. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I have quite a lot of friends, from school, University, work places, church, neighbours, hobby groups. I can make people laugh easily that seems to be a good way to break the ice. My family are outgoing generally. I have 6 friends I could ring any time day or night and then around 10 who I meet up with to socialise with but wouldn’t be calling them at 3am.

Do you invite people round/ suggest meet ups/ coffee? Friendships rarely just 'happen.'

Yeah I do invite people, though the word needy is thrown around often. I worry that this is how I come across so I try to find a balance.