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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to be upset that my ex-boyfriend asked my cousin out?

37 replies

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:18

This happened many moons ago.

Ex-boyfriend asked my cousin out, she entertained it. My mum said it wasn't anything to do with me because we weren't together any longer.

WIBU to think this was just not right?

For context, cousin and I lived on the same road. Fairly close growing up as children.
She has form for sleeping with her friends' boyfriends and doesn't care much about the consequences.
My mum hasn't really ever been much of a mother figure, this is just another example where she discounted my feelings entirely.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Porcuporpoise · 18/02/2025 17:21

Your boyfriend of 12 years that you drifted apart from in your 40s, not great. Your boyfriend when you were 18, not so much of a problem.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/02/2025 17:21

How is it your cousins fault that your ex asked her out? It’s none of your business who your cousin sleeps with. It’s none of your business who your ex sleeps with. So your mum is right

ExtraOnions · 18/02/2025 17:21

It depends really .. how old you were, how long you had been together etc.

Your mum was right, it wasn’t really much to do with you.

Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:22

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/02/2025 17:21

How is it your cousins fault that your ex asked her out? It’s none of your business who your cousin sleeps with. It’s none of your business who your ex sleeps with. So your mum is right

Right. Cool. In the real world, I would never sleep with a friend's, or cousin's ex!

OP posts:
Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:23

ExtraOnions · 18/02/2025 17:21

It depends really .. how old you were, how long you had been together etc.

Your mum was right, it wasn’t really much to do with you.

According to this thread, maybe so.

I wonder how people would actually feel if it happened to them, and their mothers didn't care an ounce.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/02/2025 17:23

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:22

Right. Cool. In the real world, I would never sleep with a friend's, or cousin's ex!

Show quote history

You haven’t said they slept together. You said he asked her out and she thought about it.

Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:24

Two of my mum's sisters married the same man (at different times of course) so they all clearly fee differently about this things to me!

OP posts:
YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 18/02/2025 17:25

It wouldn't really bother me at all, ex asks cousin out, cousin vaguely considers it. Mum treats it as the nothing it is.

Total non event.

steff13 · 18/02/2025 17:25

Personally, I don't care who a former romantic partner sees after me. If he and I worked together, we'd still be together. If they might be a better match with my friend or my cousin or whoever, who am I to stand in their way?

AmateurNoun · 18/02/2025 17:25

I wouldn't want to date my sister's ex, but I wouldn't feel icky about dating a cousin's ex.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 18/02/2025 17:25

Too much missing info.

How long were you together?

What does 'she entertained it' actually mean? Did she go out with him?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/02/2025 17:26

It really depends on how long you were together, how long ago you dated, how long you've split, the circumstances of the split. I wouldn't just do a blanket ban of "anyone I've been near ever, no one i know is allowed near". I couldnt care less if one of my exes asked one of my cousins out. Depending on which ex it was, I'd warn them of any shit behaviour but beyond that they're all grown adults and make their own mind up

Sunnydiary · 18/02/2025 17:26

So all that happened is an ex bf asked out your cousin? She thought about it and decided not to?

And years later this is still bothering you?

You need help.

Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:27

MuddyPawsIndoors · 18/02/2025 17:25

Too much missing info.

How long were you together?

What does 'she entertained it' actually mean? Did she go out with him?

Together 2 years, around 18 years old.

Yeah she went out with him a few times

OP posts:
Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:28

Sunnydiary · 18/02/2025 17:26

So all that happened is an ex bf asked out your cousin? She thought about it and decided not to?

And years later this is still bothering you?

You need help.

She didn't decide not to.

OP posts:
Cupcakes2035 · 18/02/2025 17:28

in theory yes omg

that said in reality, if they got on well and got on in general with the family, then in theory as everyone got along then why not ? because you already know the people,

that said i can see your point op @crosskeysgreen

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/02/2025 17:29

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:27

Together 2 years, around 18 years old.

Yeah she went out with him a few times

Show quote history

But how long ago was that how old are you now?

Sunnydiary · 18/02/2025 17:30

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:28

She didn't decide not to.

Show quote history

At age 18? Honestly this isn’t something I would even remember, never mind dwell upon.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/02/2025 17:30

When I saw that one of my eyes had proposed to someone, my immediate thought was "ah isn't that lovely!"

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 18/02/2025 17:32

Exes not eyes bloody autocorrect. Id have to have a bit of a think to even name the ex I was with at 18 🤣 (and was with them well over a year)

Smartiepants79 · 18/02/2025 17:33

Why did you split up? Who’s choice?
But to be honest unless you’re still harbouring feelings for him or he was a complete knob, then I can’t see why it would be that big a deal. He isn’t cheating on you. His love life is t your business.
I don’t think it would bother me enough to still be worrying about many moons later.

Original poster
crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:35

Smartiepants79 · 18/02/2025 17:33

Why did you split up? Who’s choice?
But to be honest unless you’re still harbouring feelings for him or he was a complete knob, then I can’t see why it would be that big a deal. He isn’t cheating on you. His love life is t your business.
I don’t think it would bother me enough to still be worrying about many moons later.

I'm not bothered about him. I'm bothered about my cousin, and my mother not giving a single thought to how I might be feeling.

OP posts:
x2boys · 18/02/2025 17:37

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:22

Right. Cool. In the real world, I would never sleep with a friend's, or cousin's ex!

Show quote history

Your asking for people's opinion, s some wont agree with you that the way a forum works
If it was so long ago why are you bothered ?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/02/2025 17:37

crosskeysgreen · 18/02/2025 17:35

I'm not bothered about him. I'm bothered about my cousin, and my mother not giving a single thought to how I might be feeling.

Show quote history

Why aren’t you bothered about him? Why are you still bothering about it years later?

Poppyseeds79 · 18/02/2025 17:40

Was this last week OP?