Did I make the right choice leaving London?

[Daylightrainbows]

For those that have made the move, how long did it take you to settle into life outside London. We moved about a month ago (no time I know) and while I love the space of the new house I’m starting to worry I made the wrong decision. Silly things like the selection in supermarkets feeling much more limited, my daughters new nursery feeling less vibrant and having to drive at least 15 mins to get to most things is making me wonder if the grass is really greener.

Nursery I think bothers me the most. Our previous nursery was bustling and lovely diverse staff. Here despite being another large setting just seems more provincial and I worry it could impact her development. In her first week they told me how advanced she was compared to some of the other kids. Did I make a mistake taking her out of the rich London environment?

Your nursery actually said that?! That’s terrible, what so all the other kids are country bumpkins and yours is somehow more sophisticated for having spent a tiny portion of her life in the big smoke? I’m surprised they were unprofessional enough to give you that impression tbh.

The other stuff…well surely you’ll have expected that before the move.

And she won’t he in nursery forever so you should look at the bigger picture of school, really.

Maybe too rural? When I moved from London to a small town in south east the estate agents thought I was being fussy when saying I needed to be walking distance to station and shops etc but it worked.

Do you go to London to visit/work? Remind yourself of why you moved? When dc older can do fun London visits?

I guess that depends on your reasons for moving in the first place - I assume those reasons still exist? , and where you moved to.

Have you gone to rural life?, if so that's a massive change and will take a while to adjust to.

It turned out the most of the other children were scarecrows but because it's out of London nobody even noticed. Some of the local children were scrabbling around in the dirt for some corn to eat while the new one was sipping a latte eating smashed avocado on sourdough. Of course staff are going to comment on that.

Well there must have been reasons for the move, are those are still valid ?

You are being unreasonable to expect everything to be the same.

Perhaps you are a bit too rural did you not consider if you'd be driving everywhere when you moved. There are other large towns and citys outside of London with amenities close by.

Oh dear, I'd definitely hot foot it back to London before your DD turns into a country bumpkin numpty and her life is ruined.

Thanks for the replies and sorry I’m not meaning to sound disparaging about other kids. It was the comment from the nursery staff that got me thinking. There have been a few others about her being more outgoing than the others kid and kind of suggesting she’s different in some way. I hadn’t really thought there would be a difference but this is what I’m hearing.

perhaps we have gone too rural too quickly. We are in a village but it has good amenities (cafe, shop, Dr, pub etc 5 mins walk away). And the closest town is only 10-15 mins drive so I thought it would be ok but maybe harder than I thought vs East London.

i moved for the extra space and schools, also wanting a safer environment for my daughter to grow up in which I do think is true. Perhaps just a culture shock and will take time to adjust. I will need to go into London 1-2 days a week. I’m currently on Mat leave with my 2nd so perhaps that will help once I still get to visit!

Your nursery told you that your child is more advanced than the other kids? LOL

I keep forgetting it's half term.

Have you considered maybe your child is naturally more out going? And it has nothing to do with the nursery’s they attended.

Doesn't sound to me like you're rural if you have a shop, pub and cafe in the village, you're five minutes from town and within easy reach of London. Sounds as though you're still in the south east. Surely you knew that outside of East London things would be a little less "diverse".

Supermarkets selections tend to be standard.

I think you are being ridiculous to be honest.

Yeah, definitely likely. I have a very outgoing toddler, he’s been like it since a baby. He goes to a London Borough nursery and there’s a huge mix of personalities. It’s not necessarily down to the nursery environment at all. Perhaps the staff were taken by surprise as they don’t have another ‘character’ ( i know this is how they lovingly describe mine 🤣) in attendance

@FanofLeaves i think maybe it’s that. Perhaps it just happens the other kids in that group are less of a character. She can be quite strong willed. I only have her last Nursey as a comparison and there were lots of outgoing kids in that group. it was the nursery staff that suggested it’s different here to being in London so like I said this is what made me think not me just coming up with it on my own. Will see how she gets on and perhaps look at the setting if not. Sorry I should also add that this morning she suddenly didn’t want to go and told me the other children don’t play with her which made me sad. She had so many lovely friends in her old place. The staff cried the day she left.

@WestwardHo1 appreciate the reality check on being ridiculous. You are probably right and that what I thought when we moved it would be fine but not sure if you have lived in a big city before. It’s a shock no being able to just walk out the door and have everything on your door step. Also I only recently learned to drive and feel a bit anxious going out alone especially with the kids so probably not helping!

But I suppose that's potentially a different sort of problem (well, if it is a problem), I guess very outgoing and gregarious people are more likely to be drawn to big cities where there are loads of people around all the time, and their kids are more likely to take after them. Perhaps it's part of the difference she is noticing.

We moved out of London over 2 years ago now. Similar to you, rural area but a local shop cafe and pub 5 mins walk. Nearest town is 15 mins drive. I cried when I went to do my food shopping for the first time because the supermarket was so small , layout was awkward haha

A year in I started to not miss the city life anymore but up until then I was beyond miserable. I only stuck it out as DH loved it and we were planning on a baby and didn't want to bring them up in London as it's the unsafest it's ever been. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and 2 years later we've bought here and move out of our rental next month and I barely even go back to London anymore. Everytime I have I remember why I left. I'd never leave the place we are now

Well I certainly do appreciate feeling sad about the new nursery environment OP. Mine had to move due to his old one closing- a year on we still see some of his teachers and they always ask what he’s up to and a couple have commented that there’s no one quite like him where they’re currently working. His new nursery has been fine but not quite the same. Do you think it’s partly this? It might just take some time to get to know the teachers better and vice versa. But it will always be different. Before you know it, she’ll be at school.

Yes I agree. Although my son sort of has the best of both worlds as all my family are from rural Norfolk so he does experience both environments. But he definitely has a bit of a unfazed ‘city vibe’ about him (never bothered by noise, crowds, happy to hop on public transport etc

Yep, a more diverse nursery staff for a year or two will definitely mean that your child is more advanced than those inbred yokels.

4 months out of London to a smallish town in Somerset. I'm older than you though, 58. I've never lived outside of London before. While I'm finding it a bit of a culture change (less diversity, and I miss TfL) I'm loving the sense of community and the fact that I can go for a night out and walk home! I'm joining activities to meet people and am starting work soon to meet more. You have to look at the reasons why you left.

I kind of understand you OP. We moved from zone 2 to zone 5 recently so still technically "London" but doesn't really feel it. We're south London though so still pretty diverse (that was a necessity for us as we're not white and didn't want the kids to feel out of place). I really notice the difference in the takeaways and supermarkets too. Sounds daft but the choice is much smaller, and the takeaways and restaurants seem less "authentic" somehow. But the area is safer, the schools are better and there is much less worrying about gangs - my kids are going onto secondary next year so was very much on our minds.
I think what's helped for me was making sure I'm super close to the local high street and the station.
Can you try and focus on the ways your life is better rather than the ways it isn't maybe?
And you've not been there long. It's a big adjustment.

Remember its Different. Not worse or better, just Different.

Supermarkets... well yes a smaller shop will have a smaller selection. However there are probably independents around. The stuff we get in some of the farm shops is a lot better than a supermarket.

Diversity... villages do tend to be less diverse. Less people.

Yes you need a car more.

But you get more fresh air, more space, and you can find Different activities. Watersports are big around my area for instance as we have a lot of rivers, canals, ponds and lakes. Our Secondary school has its own camping field as there is space.

It could be it isn't for you.

@Spidey66 that's lovely to hear you are enjoying the community. That’s part of the reason for moving. I was hoping to make some mum friends and the. Have the space to entertain and hold play dates. I realise it’s only been a month and it will take some time. Hopefully once my second also starts nursery in a few months it will start to happen. I think the comment from my daughter this morning saying she was sad really threw me off.

@Shwish yes exactly. I’m sure I will get used to it. It is a big adjustment. I should say our family is mixed race so that’s probably also why I’m hyper sensitive to diversity and culture which I knew would be different but a new reality I guess.

@anonny55 thanks for the advice I think I needed to hear that. I know it’s what we make of it. I just want the best for the kids at the end of the day.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I don’t know about nurseries but it’s a fact that schools in London (except for a few in very very rough areas) out perform the rest of the country. It’s because of the teacher population in London - they tend to be more freshly qualified and more diverse and with the new ideas and attitudes that brings. Local schools in the country can have the same teachers for decades - and that shows in their provision.

@Daylightrainbows I have to say my parents did the same moved 2 weeks before I was born and my sister was 15months, bear in mind this was the late 80’s and moved for very similar reasons to one of the other posters not feeling where they were in London was safe and worried about gangs etc were very glad we weren’t there growing up when the knife crime really grew. I live in a city now and so does my sister and it’s more the way you are brought up as well I think that influences you, my parents although white/straight had diverse friendships so we were brought up around that even though the area at the time wasn’t so much. I wouldn’t change however where I was brought up when I was primary as it was nice to be part of a small community and friends in the same village. Teenage years questionable

@Randomease I think you might be on to something there. The room leader at her old nursery seemed really interested in new ideas and they did lots of varied activities like science experiments, exercise sessions, rehearsing plays etc and had different rooms they could use throughout the day. Here it seems like most staff have been there more than 10 years which in some ways is nice but it’s mostly one room they use and the activities so far are let varied. It’s early days though so hopefully as the weather gets better it will change.