Did I make the right choice leaving London?

[Daylightrainbows]

For those that have made the move, how long did it take you to settle into life outside London. We moved about a month ago (no time I know) and while I love the space of the new house I’m starting to worry I made the wrong decision. Silly things like the selection in supermarkets feeling much more limited, my daughters new nursery feeling less vibrant and having to drive at least 15 mins to get to most things is making me wonder if the grass is really greener.

Nursery I think bothers me the most. Our previous nursery was bustling and lovely diverse staff. Here despite being another large setting just seems more provincial and I worry it could impact her development. In her first week they told me how advanced she was compared to some of the other kids. Did I make a mistake taking her out of the rich London environment?

@autumn1610 thanks for the perspective. I do believe that it’s how you are raised. Hopefully making some local friends will help. I think I just need to ‘find my people’ which I know takes time! Hoping to have the best of all worlds eventually.

I'd have thought it was the opposite, though! I live in central London and often walk home after a night out, but my parents and siblings in the middle of nowhere rural Kent have to drive to get anywhere.

Also, supermarkets for us are much smaller than in Kent, but also within walking distance.

Most of what influences your child's development comes from you, not a nursery. Ime childcare workers outside big cities tend to be better - childcare work is poorly paid so in expensive cities only the young & inexperienced tend to be willing to do it. Out in the sticks you get better educated more experienced staff.

Yabvu to think the diversity of the staff impacts the quality of the care. In many parts of the UK the vast majority of the population is white so staff will be white, there's not much they can do about it, it will reflect the local population.

The only thing I would be carefully considering is secondary schooling. As long as the nursery is safe and dc are well cared for it will be fine. You said schools are good but have you looked beyond primary (most primarys are good). Is there a local secondary school that has what you want (results/subjects/behaviour/sport - whatever) AND that your dc can get into?

speaking from experience and that of many friends : only looked at the schooling for younger years when we moved, but secondary comes around very quickly!

I moved out of London to The Town That Time Forgot, Nothingshire. It was not a voluntary move but I was reasonably optimistic, having quickly settled in many other places. My optimism was misplaced. I really, really dislike it and miss London's cultural horizons, a poncy-sounding but accurate phrase.

On the plus side, there's hardly any crime by comparison. And ... oh, that was the plus side 😬

I haven't got kids, so your priorities will be different. And if you're as stuck as I am (can't afford to go back!) you should definitely not listen to a cynic like me, but look to all the fabulous outdoor activities you can force yourself to enjoy and the fascinating local traditions you and DC can get involved with <smiles with slightly maniacal enthusiasm>!

I have a couple of friends who did what you did. Different villages. In both cases they have only made good friends with other London escapers!

Super market stock isn’t standardised.

We moved nearly a year ago to a biggish town on the south coast. We already had some friends down here which helped, but I'd lived my whole 50 odd years in London, specifically South London in some of its livelier parts!
I was surprised how long it's taking me to adapt, even though I'm glad we made the move. It's nowhere near as diverse as London, which I find a bit unsettling. 10-15 minutes drive to a big Sainsbo/Asda/Aldi for the Big Shop which I don't mind and we have a Co-Op nearby for emergencies.
Despite the fact that younger people are moving in, it can feel like it's full of older people. But it has some great amenities, and being near the coast and the South Downs is wonderful.
I've just been up to London this week for a couple of days to see friends and I do miss it, the buzz, the sense of everything happening all the time everywhere. But we have a lovely house now, more space than we need and are mortgage free, which will allow us to save/ do more.
You have to give it time. A lot of the friends we have made are other DFLers which does make me feel bit inauthentic but we do talk about other things apart from house prices and sourdough!

And if you decide you don’t like it you can come back.
friends went down to Sussex, near to where they had grown up, thinking it was right for when they had kids.
but their kids slept in one bedroom in their 5 bed house and they didn’t need as much space. And they wanted to ride bikes. But didn’t want to have to drive to a place to do that. And they realised they didn’t really enjoy countryside activities every weekend. they didnt enjot WFH, nor commuting on an expensive, delayed, lengthy train and car in car park commute. And that the secondary school options were quite polarised and not what they had envisaged. and they wanted more of the stuff they had done when they lived in east London.
so they came back. Rented for 4/5 years right in the community they wanted to be, and eventually managed to buy a (much smaller, less charming) ex LA maisonette.
that wasn’t what they expected to do. but they are happy.
i think they were pretty brave to shake things up again. But they trusted they could make it work.

I say that because it didn’t work for them.

it has worked for my best pal, who went down to Devon.
can’t get a job in her desire field
most of her new friends are seventy.
but she bloody loves running in the woods.
she is enjoying raising her kid somewhere slow and calm.
she doesn’t mind that she has stepped off the career path and is navigating something new.
she is enjoying the characters and experiences of the new people she has met.

I wish it hadn’t, and that she wanted to come back .
because I miss her. But she loves where she has landed
so that’s good.

There are a few restaurants here in Forgottenville. They sell barbecued this'n'that, mainly on a burger bun. A lovely little Italian opened. It closed because people just wanted pizzas with barbecued stuff on. We've got a decent Indian restaurant but I've never seen another customer in there - however they're making a living, it's not the restaurant. It makes me really sad!

We have some Polish delis but that's the only 'foreign' food you can buy, even in the supermarket except when they have a promotion. The glories of London's Turkish, Arab, African and Caribbean groceries are a fading memory. The weekly farmer's market is as boring as hell.

Pub prices are cheaper, though. Much of England's produce comes from this region but only the breweries are making local sales. We should at least have a tradition of beautiful regional cuisine, like Ludlow for instance - there is literally no appetite for such fancy ideas. I've spoken to loads of people who've never even been to London; they just know they wouldn't like it. There is a local face, around a quarter of residents have it.

A dozen or so black people have appeared over the last two or three years. I have to stop myself gazing at them with something like nostalgia 😬

... and thank you for letting me moan! I can't say any of this out loud. Argh.

Choice on food will be more limited but do go around some of the local retailers, butchers, grocers, pie shops etc. You will find some amazing local food, it might take some getting used to the lack of exotic stuff though.

Get down to the pub as often as possible, be friendly and very open minded/non judgemental about the locals. I sent DH off to the pubs of an evening when we first moved in and he quickly started making friends/contacts, even finding out who the good local tradesmen were. Going outside when the smokers do gets you into a useful little clique.

Your DD will make friends quickly as all kids do and once you get into the mums community you will feel a lot less isolated.

The main thing is accept your world has got a lot smaller but way more entertaining, we have some real characters (good and bad) in our village that never disappoint.

There is no way the nursery said that. I used to work in one granted. It was 15 years ago, but still, we wouldn't be allowed to make generalisations like that.

It's early days OP, so natural to miss your old life at the start. Despite what some people on here like to think, almost all big cities, especially London, are more vibrant and culturally rich that small towns and villages. That's the benefit of a dense population. Children also tend to mature earlier in urban environments in my opinion and they are definitely more streetwise.

But it also has downsides that you don't get in smaller places and that's probably why you moved. Give it a bit more time for you to settle. Can you still go and visit London or are you too far away?