To think sleep deprivation is serious?

[Philllyeagles]

I haven’t had a full nights sleep in a year and a month now, that’s how old my youngest is. She’s been very attached so no we haven’t been able to have her stay out so I can rest.

she is getting more confident so may stay at grandmas with her big bro soon! But this years give me a lot of reflection (maybe because I’m awake so much. Lol)

The best nights we’ve had (less than a handful though) is 4/5 hour stretch. Only got 1 waking during these nights. Felt fantastic.

A normal night is me seeing every hour of the night. Whether it be for 5 minutes to give her a cuddle or an hour as she’s woke and is chatting. It’s been tough :/

early on people checked but as she’s older people don’t care. I’ve went to work and again. It seems no one cares and this sounds silly someone on our teams call last week was like “wow I can’t function I only had 6 hours sleep” (that’s fine I’m not berating them) and I thought that would be fantastic tbh!
for me anyway.

I feel like I’m expected to be 100% in every aspect of my life and not be affected by being so drained. My 100% goes to my kids of course. My husband made a comment about how I’ve changed and I stayed silent but wanted to scream at him. He doesn’t get up in the night , he doesn’t hear the kids. He’s had breaks. He sleeps through. I am so drained and what a stupid fucking comment to make when I put my
heart and soul into trying to raise our kids to be the best people they can grow to be, and he’s nitpicking me for being different than the energised 20 year old he met!!!! (I’m 27 now)

Am I dramatic? I feel like people don’t get how real and how draining it is to not sleep properly. To have a bad night, and know you can’t catchup on sleep. To fuel yourself with red bull so you can do emails and calls falling asleep.

I remember just bursting into tears at the GP reception when she told me there was no appointment for me, and I’d have to wait til the following week to even book a non-urgent one. I was just so freaking tired!! I hear you completely!!!

I think you really, really, actually need to put your DH in charge for a week of overnight wake ups. You desperately need to recharge. See if you can tackle it together with him. It’s important to get a block of nights (not just one) so that your awareness switches off.

Nothing ruins my day more than having a terrible nights sleep. It makes it so difficult to function and my mental health plummets

Oh my god I hear you so loudly - I could have written this myself. My second is just over 1 as well. I could count on both hands the number of times she has EVER slept for 4+ hours. Currently in the middle of some hideous regression/teething nightmare where she’s up every single hour of the night. I’m losing the plot, the will, if it can be lost it’s gone.
Work is so hard. Trying to be anything resembling a decent parent to my first is so hard. Not murdering my husband is SO HARD when he asks in the morning ‘how was last night?’ And follows it with ‘oh you should have got me up!’

So apologies I have nothing to offer apart from absolute solidarity. I know they will sleep when they’re 15 and all that shit. It just doesn’t really help when you’re in the trenches of it all and everyone expects you to be in the swing of it by now.

I don’t know.

I was thinking about this the other day. For eight years I was woken several times a night, not getting more than two hours at a stretch, apart from six one-night breaks. I have no idea how I did it. I did, and I assumed I just had to suck it up, and I held down a “big job” etc.

But should we have to? Shouldn’t there be more consideration somewhere? I really don’t want to be one of those women who say that just because I somehow managed, others should have to.

(Although the obvious question is, why isn’t your DH doing half of these nights?)

I hear you! My 2yo still doesn't sleep through. Sometimes she's up every hour but on a good night I'll get 4-5 hours sleep in one stretch.
I came back from maternity to a promotion so I read DH the riot act. I basically said that if he wasn't prepared to parent, I'd be better off alone and that's what would happen.
As soon as he started getting up in the night too (with a few prods from me) the narrative changed.
I couldn't do tough love with DC but tough love with DH was far easier 😂

Sending hugs. Isn’t it such a bloody wind up “oh they had a bad night?” YEP wake the fuck up!!

and that’s it. We don’t want them to be older or to wish time away!! We want to be rested in this lovely time we have now

Nobody ever tells you the sleep deprivation can last years. It's absolutely brutal.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in some places!! It is hands down the hardest part of having a baby. At the worst points, I remember thinking 'in 4 years time when she's in school, I'll be able to sleep'... that was how desperate!

See if you can book in some family/friends to come over for the day so you can sleep. Make it a fortnightly thing perhaps so you have it to look forward to.. a few hours in the day then takes pressure off at night time. Agree with others that your DH/P needs to take on a few night shifts! We balance it roughly evenly (we both work the same amount of days though) and I get one morning a week where I'm not up with the little one, he does it. That one morning (even though I'm up by 7.45/8 latest!!) is a godsend.

Oh my goodness YANBU. It's awful. My older DC is an awful sleeper and was up several times a night until he was 3.5. When I trued to explain to people at work they'd say things like "well of course they don't sleep through every night, of course they'll wake when they're poorly or teething etc!". No amount of explaining would get the message across that this was Every. Single. Night and even worse when DC was ill, teething etc 🫠🧟‍♀️

I also remember doing a KIT day at work when daughter was about 7 months old, I had finally gone into the spare room at about 5am to be woken by my alarm at 6.30... I was getting double vision at work!! I definitely shouldn't have driven, it was horrific! We do make it through the other side somehow but it is so brutal! During labour/the first few days I didn't sleep for 5 days. At all. It's amazing how the hormones get you through that bit!!

My dc are teens now... my first was a very easy baby who slept well but my second was not a good sleeper. It was awful...I became absolutely sleep obsessed...I remember fantasising about being put in hospital or even prison, because then I'd be able to sleep!

😂yes this! I remember in movies they would threaten someone with solitary confinement and I would think it sounded like heaven!

I feel scatty after a couple of sleepless nights.
My child slept through from one months so I wasn’t affected by that and I was way younger. Now I can’t cope missing sleep.

Why don't you get him up ?
I'd wake mine up every single time our child woke up (and I did)

Why isn’t your husband helping at night?

I'm here in the same boat too. None of mine slept at night until nursery. 2 year old still wakes a fair bit. But they will sleep. My boys 7 and 5 sleep like a dream now unless ill.

Exercise really helps them but when your that knackered it's hard going.

Exactly. What's going on there? You both work so why the hell does he get all the sleep protected time?

I was so sleep deprived I nearly fell down the stairs carrying my baby. After that I gave up and embraced cosleeping. Still had multiple wakes, but at least I could deal with them lying down and DC would settle back within a minute or two. There's no way I could have survived being back at work otherwise.

Eventually they did sleep through reliably. But not until about 3.

@ketch12 I wouldnt* *have thought it possible to stay awake for five days, but the same happened to me. I was stuck in hospital with a baby that couldn't latch properly but was constantly cluster feeding. Every time I put them down they cried, disturbing everyone on the ward, but I was scared I'd crush them if I went to sleep. It was during covid so no help.

look back now and wonder why the midwives didn't intervene. It can't have been safe, such a risk that I would have fallen asleep sat up in bed surrounded by pillows and smothered DC. I think it would have been far better to either teach me how to create a safe sleep surface, or for someone to have taken baby for a few hours so I could.sleep. I was hallucinating by the time I was discharged. I just remember thinking to myself that I must not tell the midwives that there were birds circling around watching me or they might not let me go home to my own bed. Thankfully, after a few days at home and some blocks of sleep whilst baby was rocked by DH I was back to just regular new mum exhaustion.

I’m sure you’ve tried everything, and there may be no good solution. But I would encourage you to treat this as almost a health (and mental health) emergency. Anything that you can possibly try in terms of dividing things up with your husband or sleep training that doesn’t actively endanger your child is worth it so that you can get yourself out of this situation.

Ok so I'm replying without fully reading all the replies, because I have been there.

Where does she sleep???

Because we did this to about 18 months then gave in and she sleeps with me. She is now 5 and still does. But I tell you something I have four children and need to function.

She has co slept with us since about 5mo. I was bf until she was 7mo and 2 nights in a row I fell asleep feeling because j was so drained and I decided that was it so got her in with us!

DH is going on about how kids should have their own bed etc. but with how tired I am now I don’t want to be walking into another room multiple times in the night :/ I’m woken a lot but it’s easier when she’s in our bed to calm her down upon waking

Been there. It was awful.
Make your husband share the nights. If you've got to a year in and he hasn't even offered to have the baby for a single night, he's a useless lazy man who doesn't love you. So give him one last chance to do his bit and if he won't, throw him out. Don't enable him while you are increasingly resentful.

WHY isn’t your husband helping at night?!!

When I went back to work when dd was nine months, I had a break down through sleep deprivation. I dropped to three days, still a struggle. Dh works away so nobody to help.

Dd is 2 now but was up twice last night. I feel dreadful. It makes my mood so low.

It riles me when people say they are tired. They can go to bed when they get home if they like, for as long as they like.
And you're right, when they get older nobody checks in or offers for you to get a nap.

Just another note of solidarity - it's awful. I have a nearly-two year old, up as standard 4/5 times a night. Worse if Ill. No one helps or seems to care. The sleep deprivation is an absolute killer. We're still breastfeeding and co-sleeping, don't think I'd cope otherwise. Hang in there! Xx