To think sleep deprivation is serious?

[Philllyeagles]

I haven’t had a full nights sleep in a year and a month now, that’s how old my youngest is. She’s been very attached so no we haven’t been able to have her stay out so I can rest.

she is getting more confident so may stay at grandmas with her big bro soon! But this years give me a lot of reflection (maybe because I’m awake so much. Lol)

The best nights we’ve had (less than a handful though) is 4/5 hour stretch. Only got 1 waking during these nights. Felt fantastic.

A normal night is me seeing every hour of the night. Whether it be for 5 minutes to give her a cuddle or an hour as she’s woke and is chatting. It’s been tough :/

early on people checked but as she’s older people don’t care. I’ve went to work and again. It seems no one cares and this sounds silly someone on our teams call last week was like “wow I can’t function I only had 6 hours sleep” (that’s fine I’m not berating them) and I thought that would be fantastic tbh!
for me anyway.

I feel like I’m expected to be 100% in every aspect of my life and not be affected by being so drained. My 100% goes to my kids of course. My husband made a comment about how I’ve changed and I stayed silent but wanted to scream at him. He doesn’t get up in the night , he doesn’t hear the kids. He’s had breaks. He sleeps through. I am so drained and what a stupid fucking comment to make when I put my
heart and soul into trying to raise our kids to be the best people they can grow to be, and he’s nitpicking me for being different than the energised 20 year old he met!!!! (I’m 27 now)

Am I dramatic? I feel like people don’t get how real and how draining it is to not sleep properly. To have a bad night, and know you can’t catchup on sleep. To fuel yourself with red bull so you can do emails and calls falling asleep.

I had a few months of DD waking up every 45 minutes, literally from the moment she went to sleep in the early evening until the morning. It was horrific. I don't think people realise how unwell it makes you feel.

As others have said, DH should absolutely be doing some shifts. If you have a spare room, sleep in there and blast out some loud white noise so you don't hear the crying while he's responding to DC (you can download apps for your phone).

Also, try and remember it won't last forever. Eventually I'd had enough and I let DD cry it out one night - and miraculously it worked. She's 3 now and been a great sleeper ever since. It might not work for you but worth a shot.

It’s horrendous, I swear dd broke my ability to sleep deeply. I wake after about three hours sleep now (and that’s with sleep inducing medication!) and in an ideal world would love to grab a nap at some point but it doesn’t happen with life and whatnot.

the only piece of advice i have is to take a day or
two annual leave while the dc are at school/childcare and sleep. Force yourself to actually do that and not ‘jobs’. Take the hit with annual leave elsewhere or unpaid now just to get the sleep.

I wouldn’t even tell my OH I was doing it tbh. He’s a bit of a shit and would see it as an opportunity to do the same despite getting regular eight hours and lie ins…

Sorry I missed the cosleeping bit. Fwiw, with my other DD she slept a lot better when we moved her to her own room/cot

If you want validation on the very real health effects of sleep deprivation then Google WHO health effects of Environmental Noise. The negative health evidence for disturbed sleep is startling. Direct effects on physiology and mental health, poor daytime functionality, decision making, the list is long and significant.

Same boat as you OP. Haven’t had longer than an hour and a half at a time in 12 months. Regularly awake for 2-3 hours in the night at a time. I think the most sleep in total I’ve had in the last 6 months is about 4 hours.

My body is starting to pack in now, heart palpitations, problems with my vision, digestion problem. However short of running away I can’t really see how I can fix it. My brain is so tired I can’t even think straight to come up with a solution.

I had a prem baby. I was so tired I gave myself heart palpitations. Sending you online hug OP

Honestly my son wasn’t even that bad a sleeper and I had a DH who shared the nights and I just found it completely horrific. I used to fantastise about driving to a local hotel, being in prison, being in hospital to just be able to sleep. I could feel how it affected my driving, my reaction times, etc. I used to leave cash in cash machines, my shopping on self service tills. I was honestly a shell. I didn’t even physically feel that bad but psychologically it was crushing.

I’ve not slept in almost 4 years. My oldest still wakes several times a night and so does my 1 year old. I also have a very demanding job.

The only that helps me survive is sugar, which means I’m fucking huge right now but at least I get the energy to function.

I long for a good nights sleep. It is torture.

Have you thought about sleep training? There are various methods including “gentle” methods (although in my experience of having 3 kids controlled crying was quicker and involved much less crying than the very gentle methods).

DH should do it if you don’t want to.

My DC3 was a terrible sleeper. Between 4 and 7 months old he was up every 10 minutes to 1.5 hours. A 1.5 hour stretch was a good stretch. At 7 months I cracked and did controlled crying. First night he slept 8pm to 12am (I then fed him back to sleep) and then he slept until 6am! I felt like a new woman. Second night I tried not feeding him and he did go back off, but then woke 45 minutes later so I fed him and he did another long stretch. Controlled crying doesn’t mean you can’t go in and feed / cuddle them in the night, but it does stop the waking through habit and not knowing how to self settle.

You mention DD waking and just chatting. What would happen if you ignored that and left her to it? My DC3 had these split nights for ages, but he’d just be awake rather than upset and would eventually go back to sleep of his own accord.

I’m at 5 years without a full nights sleep. I broke down multiple times in the last month I can’t do it anymore

The worst part for me is that when I’m lying in bed I’m just anticipating the next wake up so even though I’m absolutely burnt out exhausted I can’t fall asleep!

It's awful, but you kind of have to cope, what other choice is there.

You age a lot, you look awful, you don't function very well but you don't even remember what it feels like to be rested.

Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture for a reason.

It is also true that you get used to it to some extend, and someone else who suddenly has no sleep will usually suffer more from it.

But lack of sleep wrecks your health, your looks, your brain. It's awful.

I had three under three with a set of twins who are now 4. I’m now starting to feel like a human being again and I never thought o would. It was a struggle to make it through the day as I felt so sick and tired, dizzy a lot of the time. I just didn’t feel like I could achieve anything, it’s so brutal.
Sending so much solidarity your way, it’ll get better day by day.

You need to make your husband share the nights, he needs to take over and you have an early bedtime or a sleep in over the weekend. He’s your biggest problem in this situation I think.

Yeah I feel like I look pale and haggard all the time. Saved some birthday money and going to try and pop away some wages for regular Botox to fix my forehead lines to make myself eel more confident

regarding DH, he literally is somehow fucking flat out during the wakings. It’s irritating. But the pattern has flowed so much our youngest only settles for me in the night because it’s always been me going to her. I don’t know how he does it and he’s not even faking? I try to wake him and can after literally shoving him nearly out of the bed! I can’t sleep through a whinge never mind full blown cry

Re the husband helping… Believe me I hear you when you say this. I am a staunch, card-carrying feminist, we have so much balance in other aspects of our lives that I do hate how imbalanced this aspect is, but…

a) I am my own worst enemy, and can be a bit of a dickhead martyr
b) He sleeps so soundly that by the time I’ve woken up, woken him up, and waited for him to come round enough to get his arse out of bed and deal with the baby, I’m so awake that I lie there until he returns, and might as well have just dealt with it myself (see a)
c) the baby is breastfed and loses her shit when she realises there isn’t a boob in sight
d) I just can’t bear the sound of her screaming

Yes - she probably would settle quicker without boob if I made him do it more often. But I’m soft and d) prevails every time 🤦‍♀️

(Aaaand I’m in with her now for the second time tonight whilst my dinner languishes drying out in the oven 😂)

(If I don’t laugh I’ll cry, and I’ll probably save that for 3am)

You haven’t answered why Dh doesn’t help ?

I would also say weekends - get Dh to get up so you can get some sleep , take baby out so you can have a nap .

Mine is now a teenager . I was a Lp from 10 months . He just napped through the night . Turns out he has ADHD … what I will say my baby doesn’t sleep to one person is very different to another . My Ds ( now a teenager ) we got through nights with bob the builder DVD’s on replay . He still doesn’t sleep but I don’t have to look after him at night .

it does get better . But you have my sympathies . It’s a long hard ride 💐

It’s fucking horrendous. Long term it absolutely ruins you, and you’re just supposed to carry on pretending to be a functioning human being seeing to everyone’s needs and holding down a job. The effects on my mental and physical health were awful. I put on 4 stone and had a car accident at one point (very minor, but my fault).

I know where you’re at at the moment it feels like forever but it will pass, and eventually the brain fog lifts and by Christ you will never ever take sleep for granted ever again.

Is there any reason you can't take yourself off for a night and leave the children with their father? He is their parent too and you are making a rod for your own back if you don't make him do his fair share.

He is absolutely taking the piss and you should put a stop to it now. Book yourself into a hotel, have room service in bed and get a full night's sleep! He can cope for one night - just do it!

Oh gosh, I feel this. My baby is 8m old and I’m SO sleep deprived.

I think unless you’ve had a baby who is a bad sleeper, people don’t get how bad it is. They think they do, because everyone has been tired or had a bad nights sleep. But it’s not the same, this is a relentless, never ending, torturous tired. You can’t have an early night or a lie in and catch up and feel better.

I’m continuously shocked by how I keep functioning. We started cosleeping despite I hate it and swore I never would because it was making my mental health so bad.

Still, I’m sure one day we will all sleep again. When they go to Uni maybe?? 😁

Just echoing what the previous poster said...sleep training is short term pain for long term gain. No one can stay healthy physically or mentally on so little sleep. Research and choose the version that suits you best and stick with it. Within a few weeks, life will improve immeasurably.

My ASD child is nearly 5 and has never slept. I do all the night wakings and early starts. Sometimes they wake at 1am and are up for the day. Tis what it is!

You book into your nearest hotel for Friday night and Saturday night. ON YOUR OWN.
Get some damn sleep.
He will just have to cope. The baby will just have to cope.
He will catch up on sleep on the Sunday night.
Do this more than once.

Also do tell your DH how tired you feel. And why. If he sleeps through them does he actually know how many times you are being woken?

People asking why can’t your DH help don’t understand that there’s no point in both parents being absolutely shattered. My baby will only settle for me and I can’t sleep when he’s screaming the house down. Rather than have my husband in with him for 2 hours when he’s screaming I can get up and he settles in 10 mins. Yes he’s back up again an hour and a half later but at least during the day only 1 of us feels like a sack of shit.

My kids didn’t sleep though for years, it was torture. I remember I used to love it when we went to a planetarium or the cinema, as I could sleep the whole way through. I slept through the entire Lego Movie.