To feel hurt this deeply?

[Hspdirect]

I need to start by saying yes, I am a highly sensitive person but does work correspondence always need to be so aggressive?

As a manager and employee, I always try my best to be patient, kind and friendly but my inbox is constantly a string of urgent demands, highlighted failures (whether my fault or not) and accusations.

There is no doubt in my mind that I'm not the only one whose mailbox looks like this but I guess I just wonder why? I'm not asking for people to tiptoe but there seems to be no fostering of positive and nurturing relationships or thought around how certain messages may be received. While this isn't an essential, I just think, well why not?

So? You still go and find out. And then revert with the full answer. Not respond and say oh I didn’t know that existed, in the example given, you were the problem.

Why is that the asker’s problem? Why do they need to ask why and then look to support them not doing it again, that’s the managers job, not a clients or a team members,

I do think MN has a higher than average % of really anti-social people who don't seem to understand the basics of how normal, constructive human relationships work.

I agree, but that goes both ways, someone even said if a supplier misses a deadline you’re supposed to ask them why and support them on it not happening again, in the example given, no wonder the asker was annoyed. The op responded she didn’t know the form even existed, when the asker was sure they’d discussed it, and she then found it it did exist, sure outdated, but if that’s the case you propose a solution, the asker isn’t your mate.its a business relationship.

my view is there is a lot of people on here who don’t work. Or have not doen for a long time and for some reason feel compelled to give professional advice.

"I don't know" IS a full answer

Do you just twiddle your thumbs waiting for requests like this to come in or something? Because a question like this would certainly be something I'd be putting onto my 'to do' list but not doing urgently. I'd always respond letting the person know I don't have the answer right away and will investigate if that's what's needed.

Sometimes I'm just so busy that I forget the pleasantries. I mean, I'm always polite and I don't think I'm ever demanding but I'm more likely to write "Hi XXX, Just wanted to check in and see how you're getting on with Project Y – do you need anything further from me?" than "Hi XXX, Hope you're well and looking forward to another week! How was your weekend? Mine was good – we went to the farmer's market and then a long dog walk – bit rainy though! How is Project Y going btw? Do you need anything more from me?"

I can see that version B is nicer to receive, and I am a friendly person who is interested in others and probably would like to know how their weekend was – but when I'm sending one of fifty emails I need to get out that morning, I just don't really have the time!

Its hard to tell how rude the emails you have arw tbh.

Emails I keep to work only and very professional, example:

Hi Susan,
Can you send me the list of requirements by Friday, we require the following to be done:

1. File export
2. Data

Thanks
crazy baby

That would be it. Also never ever apologise on email or Use 'do tou think you could please do this etc. Its unnecessary and not professional. There are multiple trainings around this and it is a thing.

On teams or meetings I build relationships with pleasantries but never email.

I said 'i don't know that this form exists, let me see if I can find it for you', it was on no company file repositories at all.

I think A is perfectly fine!

This is someine covering their arse. Personally I would dig out the timeline and respond with the detail. As in, susan, I was on maternity leave at this time and do not have the file.
Would probably take the conversation to teams or call them also and smooth the relationship

You are over thinking it.

and please don't hope I had a nice weekend, you know nothing about my private / personal life and for all you know I could have had a traumatic trip to the vet out of hours and how are you going to cope if i decide to reply with that ?

just stick to business.

I just ignore rudeness or chippiness-its a symptom of how THEY feel.
Making it all about you is futile.
It's about them.
No matter how rude I just reply politely otherwise THEY are controlling your behaviour.
I wouldn't rush to deal with their request though and always put Out of Office on just in case they are weekend chasers.

I think there's a difference between "no pleasantries" and "aggressive". Do you have some examples of the former?

The example you have given is just someone being annoying, I wouldn't be deeply hurt by it.

You sound like an efficient and organised manager OP who treats contacts and employees with respect and kindness.
The problem is so many people are emboldened, stressed and angry these days. No accountability, no responsibility, shifting the blame whenever and to whoever they can. Very seldom is one treated these days to a receptionist, a customer service person, or a business representative on the phone who doesn't make you wish you hadn't bothered calling. Short and sharp, that's my experience at least since 2021, when I started taking note. There are a lot of angry people out there, why? Because they are getting away with it. No one calls them on it.
It's not the time to be sensitive, or to think or to publicly describe yourself as that, very unfortunately, many perceive that as a weakness.
I would appreciate very much doing business with someone like you, but you might as well stop waiting for others to be the same. Doesn't mean you should sink so low in this race to the bottom world, just try not to be too hurt in your work situation. Sorry to be negative, but these are negative times and getting worse.

Have a read of this OP. You sound like a 'Green' so pleasantries are important in how you build relationships with people. I'm a 'Red' so the same pleasantries make my teeth itch. Neither is right or wrong, it's just different personality types. If I'm working with a green, I try much harder with the niceties, whereas if I'm working with another red, I just carry on with my short, to the point e mails!

https://www.glurecruit.co.uk/advice-center/employer/employee-retention/red-blue-green-yellow-personality-type/

I prefer direct correspondence. In today's workplace people don't have time to waste and a style that cuts through the fluff, without engaging in an insincere preamble before getting to the point, is fine with me.

The example in your last update isn't a case of direct correspondence but of shoving on to you work that the writer is too lazy to do. That's a separate problem.

Context is everything. I sent a rather blunt email this morning to a colleague who routinely fails to perform the job he is (over)paid for. I cc’d others on the project. His failures generally result in me picking up the pieces and 1.5yrs in and having tried the polite and kind route, I’m done.

I reserve this approach mainly for him and his boss. Everyone else in my organisation gets the emails they deserve (polite, friendly, sensible, grateful etc) and I have been on the receiving end myself and duly recognised where any snippiness came from.

Self awareness, big girl pants and all that…

I don’t consider direct and to the point communication to be either aggressive or unpleasant, especially not at work. If I’m working and trying to gather information then I have no desire to exchange platitudes. I find that style of communication to be insipid and grating.

It's always the culture of the organisation OP. Look to the top. The fish rots from the head as they say.

Resistance requires finding a mini tribe within the org and founding your own subculture.

I agree with you @Hspdirect
Are you in the NHS? I work in a caring profession where it is literally our job to care how we come across to people. However the lack of consideration for colleagues is appalling. Rather than compassion fatigue I wonder if some people just box off their polite behaviour as just for patients/ public/ clients and don’t feel the need to use it for colleagues. It is sad.

I started this thread really focusing on the general tone of emails and how this can be quite draining. Someone else brought pleasantries into the thread and I agreed that it's nice to see these too when appropriate. I think in the example I gave, I wouldn't expect pleasantries but I do think the email was rude and only asserted that I was lying/being deliberately unhelpful. I'm just so bored of these accusatory emails which I don't think come from a good place. I hear about other colleagues receiving such emails and just think 'whyyy??'

See, I don't think it is genuine. I think of those Apprentice candidates trying to build "rapport" just to get a good deal. I think you are trying to force a connection where there isn't one so I will work quicker/cheaper for you

Yeah, I would think that was funny rather than upsetting.

I would just respond saying No Pete, I couldn’t have sent it to you then as I was on mat leave. Hope you find what you’re looking for.

Then I would forget all about it.

In my experience it’s the ones who brag about how good they are or toady up to the boss who get promoted or keep their jobs in a redundancy situation.
The ones who quietly crack on with their work are the first to go.

I don’t go to work to make friends. I have plenty outside of work taking up enough of my time.

The most infuriating thing in the world is a teams message

”hi, how are you?”

For the love of god please just get to the point and tell me what you’re after so I can do it and crack on.

I am respectful, polite and sincere but I do not have interest in small talk, finding out about your cat or your weekend.