To feel hurt this deeply?

[Hspdirect]

I need to start by saying yes, I am a highly sensitive person but does work correspondence always need to be so aggressive?

As a manager and employee, I always try my best to be patient, kind and friendly but my inbox is constantly a string of urgent demands, highlighted failures (whether my fault or not) and accusations.

There is no doubt in my mind that I'm not the only one whose mailbox looks like this but I guess I just wonder why? I'm not asking for people to tiptoe but there seems to be no fostering of positive and nurturing relationships or thought around how certain messages may be received. While this isn't an essential, I just think, well why not?

They then said I knew exactly what it was, that we'd spoken about it more than once and tracked down an example where they'd sent it to me 3 years ago when I was on maternity leave.

How did they say this? As in, which words did they use? I think you're probably reading into something in a way that suits your narrative because if they typed what you wrote, that would be an exceptionally (as in, the exception to the rule) interlocutor.

Yes that’s just downright rude. And weird. If someone communicated like that in my company they would be getting spoken to severely. lazy and rude in fact!

So what do you suggest she does then? Continue to become upset all the time? Continually change jobs until she finds one where everyone is nice at all times? Never know for sure whether she has a reasonable grievance or whether she's seeing things through the lens of heightened sensitivity? Or perhaps consider doing some work that enables her to gain perspective so she's not continually feeling disproportionately hurt?

I think the thing with emails is that we often put a tone to an email that may be different to the one that the sender meant.

To you the email may come across as demanding while to the sender it comes across as efficient and that they were typing it while in the lift.

I’ll give an example of a pleasantry I might include in an email. Spoke to long standing client on Friday. He told me he was knackered as he’d been up in the night with his baby son being poorly. I emailed him this morning “”Hi Rob. I hope Oliver is better and you managed to get some rest” before going into the main body of the email.

I know that my excellent client relationships are based on this sort of exchange. Treating people like human beings, not just an email address.

Ah well they are just being a dick and you need to learn how to push back on people being dickish. I would have wrote back. Thanks for providing the example John. It was 3 years ago so you might not remember getting my out of office reply but I was actually on Maternity leave at that time and understandably not picking up emails. Who was able to assist you in locating the form during my absence?

The example you have provided, if written in the way you describe, is indeed objectively rude. I can't imagine being 'deeply hurt' by it though, as your title suggests. I'd just think 'what a nob' and get on with my day.

I also can't imagine that example being representative of most of the emails you receive either, regardless of whether any pleasantries have been exchanged in the opening sentence.

I may exchange pleasantries with those who I have a close working relationship with (and who I actually like) but I don't see it as essential, and in fact it can come across as meaningless and even disingenuous in some cases. Do you honestly care what Joan in accounts did at the weekend when your only interaction is getting an invoice approved once a month??

I find it tiresome to receive. I'd much prefer, "Please send me X by 3pm". No waffle. I don't care if someone's well, had a nice weekend, or wants to make enquiries.

You sound really awful to work with.

I am currently in hospital as this client knows
Non urgent matter
Said to him on Friday I would get back to him this week
He sent me 4 chasers over the weekend

I agree with this.... If the other person likes this kind of communication.

I work with a range of functions and job types.

Software development, for example, don't generally want pleasantries. They want efficiency: "Hi. I need XYZ, thanks."

Marketing, for example, I would add in pleasantries like that.
As a generalisation, and obviously there are exceptions to those.

Getting to know people and developing relationships with them means appreciating they're different and adapting a little to make the nicest connections with everyone.

I'm team concise, but I add flowery bits if I know the other person prefers it.

This. It does my head in. Get to the point. It's work communication not a social occasion.

I wouldn't like it either but iv never worked in this type of job so don't know if that's the norm. Like I couldn't give a crap about people's weekend but a hi, please and thanks isn't to much to ask and I would get annoyed at someone implying I'm lying but I have eupd so it might be a me problem

Hard to know - who can know this about themselves? However, it's standard in my line of work, the "how are you?/hope you are well/hope you had a good weekend" is rare in my line of work, so I'm not an outlier. I find it insincere, not empathetic.

I think after lots of arsey emails, it's understandable if your resilience is lower. I cried on Friday after an email that really wasn't that bad, but I'm sick of feeling like a punchbag. A year ago I'd have shrugged it off but being spoken too aggressively by a number of colleagues wears you down. I manage 100 staff and it only takes 8 or 9 to make an atmosphere quite wearing.

Sure, lots of examples like this though can be quite draining.

Yes this exactly!

It's not necessarily rude. It could be rude but it sounds far more like:

"Have you got x form, please?" <Normal enquiry thinking it would be fairly easy>
"I don't know that we have that form. I'll have a ask round." < Normal response>
"You've sent it me before." <Trying to help out, can be easier to find if you know that sort of thing>
Shortly later.
"Don't worry. I've found it-you sent it to me three years ago. Thanks" <follow up to save lots of searching>

That could easily be under what the op wrote and isn't rude at all. I deal with similar things regularly and it's never occurred to me it's anything but normal interactions.

Exactly.

But that’s a really unprofessional response op; when you don’t know why point it out. A professional response would be no problem, let me source that for you and revert.

Except what they said what 'you know exactly what this is' which is untrue and kind of rude.

It was more that I was pretty certain that this didn't exist at all! It turns out the form was completely outdated.

Would you not question why the deadline has been missed or an error made? Knowing the cause and being able to prevent it happening again would make your job easier in the long run wouldn't it?

My all time favourite suggestion for an email opener, came from another Mnetter on another thread.

It said,;, 'Yo Diddly bruh, here's what I need.'

I think all henceforth all emails should open like this. 😁

I manage a team of approx 50, and am always pleasant via email!!
Quite shocked at the level of sourpuss "don't have time for that" responses on this thread
Yikes, honey spreads better than vinegar people!