When things are rubbish in your life, how honest are you about it with colleagues/acquaintences?

[autt]

Title should be 'acquaintances' sorry.

In my family, we have been going through a rough time lately. I've been surprised at how differently me and my brother have been approaching it when it comes to telling colleagues and acquaintences. I have been keeping it completely private - I will happily tell colleagues I had a nice weekend, and will pretend that everything is fine. I work from home, so I have been in floods of tears seconds before meetings. I dust myself off and go into the meeting smiling. I never realised this about myself before, as I thought I was very weak and overly sensitive, but somehow in this situation it feels easier to pretend everything is normal and fine. There's even friends I haven't told as I've not found the right moment or I know they are going through stuff themselves. My brother is the opposite - he is open and honest with his colleagues, and has asked his manager to finish work early when needed on several occasions. He has always liked sympathy and support from others, whereas I am private to a fault.

I don't think either of our approaches are wrong, I just find it interesting how differently we are approaching it. After an awful weekend I feel like I'm losing the control of the situation and I feel like I need to start being a bit more open with friends.

I’m open and honest, although my approach isn’t really healthy either. Sometimes people we know don’t want the best for us, and keeping them on an information diet can actually protect us in the long run. I’ve learnt this the hard way.

I hope things improve for you soon.

I tell everyone I am good and keep life private.

I have been open in the past and very quickly realised even family and friends don’t care and aren’t interested so why would anyone else be.

I’m an open book

Not very because it’s. Ice to escape from it if they don’t know it’s not mentioned and it doesn’t dominate conversation

Random colleagues? Completely private.

Colleagues that are more like work friends? Bit more open. Things like "we all had a sickness bug last week so not been the easiest time" or "partners dad is in hospital, it's not looking good so it's been a tough time for the family this week" or "eldest child is acting up at home and school so I'm absolutely knackered lately." Things like that as opposed to something as heavy as "I'm in a dark pit of depression and can't see a way out."

I'm fine btw before anyone says about getting help for depression ^ they were just random examples to show the kind of sharing I'd be comfortable with.

Other than DH and my closest friends? I tell no one anything, I smile and make polite conversation. I’ve had it used against me far too many times.

Totally depends on your work environment. We are all quite friendly and supportive where I work so most people wear hearts on their sleeves but we do all have a rather black sense of humour too

I'm like you OP. I actually find it really hard to talk to friends and family about important stuff, let alone colleagues. Generally I just keep everything to myself. Probably not healthy!

We are a small immediate team and I spend a couple of days a week with them but I don’t tell them about any personal issues. I don’t really tell anyone tbh, I’d rather work through things on my own and once I have done I’m usually happy to talk about it but when things are tough I appreciate the opportunity to put it to one side and compartmentalise for a few hours. I’m quite good at it.

Had a family situation last year that was horrendous and involved a police investigation at one point. I had to take time off for stress so had to say something to my LM but kept it vague, as PP have said. With friends a few close friends knew the details. I think people don't need to know everything.

depends on the situation and who the colleague is. My line manager and I have worked together for years in a couple of different companies: I would tell her if having issues at home. Other colleagues? Probably not

for me - when things are shit, having to put on a front makes it even shittier.

I'm like you OP. Currently going through a really rough ride, and no signs of it being over yet. And yet nobody knows, apart from my DP. I've cried so much over the last 24 hours and yet still manage to turn up for work with a smile on my face. Always have done - but I'm starting to wonder if this way of coping is doing more harm than good

I generally find I tell one person some of it. But I've never been able to be fully open. I need to keep some or all of it back in order to function.

Currently I have 3 things going on, each of which alone is potentially challenging. If I was to be completely open about them it would all just be too much.

Additionally, I am in a newish job and don't want to jeopardise my position.

Between a rock and a hard place.

100% this. My openness has been used against me in the past.

Oh, I'm as open as anything. More open than with my family. Quite content to share my stresses and struggles at work. I'm quite a mature/senior/mentor/old type figure at work, though. It humanises me.

It depends on what it is.

I’d tell my line manager about anything that could potentially affect my work e.g. if I was likely to need to disappear off for appointments / to make calls / take short notice leave.

Beyond that, I only tend to mention significant life issues (e.g. serious illness / death of a family member) to close colleagues. Sometimes vent about work stress to one particular colleague (who does likewise with me).

I say I e got stuff going on at home but usually tell my manager.

It’s a difficult one: if it’s temporary and resolvable then I’d likely tell a few people but if it’s permanent and very difficult probably not. Even though the latter is harder to deal with.

Having had a spectacular breakdown at work amongst a small team who also knew of the preceding events, (due to circumstances unavoidable), I don’t advocate for work friends/colleagues/managers knowing about your private life. If you can keep it private or at least vague - do so.

Im very honest and very blunt.

I keep things to myself. If I open up, it's with close friends or family.

I’ll share a brief outline of the basics in the context of responding to a “how was your weekend” or “how are things” type of question etc, I’m not secretive about what’s going on in my life, but not the finer detail - but that’s simply because I imagine they don’t want or need to hear it. If a non-friend colleague or an acquaintance I see a handful of times a year tells me a relative is very ill or whatever then I can make the right noises and sincerely express my wish that things are better for them soon - but I don’t really care to hear a long and involved story about the relative I haven’t met of somebody I vaguely know socially or professionally.

I don’t share my private life with anybody so I am not particularly honest and open about it.

I've had to tell work because I've had to have time off to go to appointments etc. I've not been able to go into the office and isolated myself because I hate the questions and trying to put on a brave face so close colleagues know.

I've now told friends about the situation on social media because I'm doing voluntary support work so wanted to share for that reason and spread the word but that was after 2 years. Its a permanent ongoing situation.