When things are rubbish in your life, how honest are you about it with colleagues/acquaintences?

[autt]

Title should be 'acquaintances' sorry.

In my family, we have been going through a rough time lately. I've been surprised at how differently me and my brother have been approaching it when it comes to telling colleagues and acquaintences. I have been keeping it completely private - I will happily tell colleagues I had a nice weekend, and will pretend that everything is fine. I work from home, so I have been in floods of tears seconds before meetings. I dust myself off and go into the meeting smiling. I never realised this about myself before, as I thought I was very weak and overly sensitive, but somehow in this situation it feels easier to pretend everything is normal and fine. There's even friends I haven't told as I've not found the right moment or I know they are going through stuff themselves. My brother is the opposite - he is open and honest with his colleagues, and has asked his manager to finish work early when needed on several occasions. He has always liked sympathy and support from others, whereas I am private to a fault.

I don't think either of our approaches are wrong, I just find it interesting how differently we are approaching it. After an awful weekend I feel like I'm losing the control of the situation and I feel like I need to start being a bit more open with friends.

I am a completely open book. Have worked in the same place for a long time so my colleagues are mostly friends. Speaking about things is my coping mechanism.

I'm naturally an open book and have to make enormous efforts to keep it either completely quiet, or very light and vague eg "bit of a tricky time atm with xyz".

Tbh it feels completely unnatural and I find it stressful keeping everything to myself, but I don't think it's appropriate to confide loads of detail to everyone. With people I'm really friendly with, I'll give enough info to get a bit of support as long as I'm close enough to them to know it's reciprocal. Always err on the side of "fine, thanks" though.

Completely private.

I don’t say a thing about my life at work,even though it’s been hell for the past year.i think they know something is up as i keep cancelling my holiday days,i would rather be at work than at home.

To the majority of colleagues present a professional face. Tell just a few close colleagues on the senior management team and my MD who I have a good relationship with.
I have a close group of friends though that I share with outside of work and we support each other.

Hope things improve for you soon.

I tell everyone I am good and keep life private.

100% this. I wouldn't dream of telling colleagues about my personal problems. That's for friends and family. I work in a formal, professional environment where absolutely nobody burdens others with their personal struggles.

Completely private. I never told my work at all about DH being seriously ill and in hospital for six weeks.

DH tells everyone that everything. Drives me mad. Gets views and opinions on everything and then dithers.

Depends on the severity of what it is. A few years ago I went through a horrific situation which was very sudden and unexpected. I didn’t tell many people at all but I told my manager at work and couple of people I worked with because I needed to tell them because at various times it affected my ability to do my job as I might have to leave work for several hours to meet with various agencies. Most people were aware something was “going on” but nobody knew the details.

If it will impact your work definitely tell your manager. Regardless, open up to your manager so they have awareness and can offer support.

Otherwise I personally wouldn’t tell others in the business, don’t feel it’s appropriate too unless, again, it affects your work etc. I quite like escapism though and work takes your mind of stuff. I would tell my very close work friends.

My immediate team members and close colleagues, I am open with. Partly because I want my team to know that it is ok to prioritise their lives over their work sometimes, and I lead in that manner.
Over the last couple of years, I have gone through separation, elderly parent death, other parent in a serious car accident and a separate serious health scare, all of which have required time out for counselling and caring responsibilities. I am also perimenopausal and was burned out by work related stress post pandemic. This has led to me not having the same capacity for overload as I did in the past. It is hard to explain why you are suddenly unavailable without some degree of openness. Even with these challenges, I still deliver and have good currency with the organisation.

I’m an open book. If I’m asked a question I’ll answer it honestly, if it’s someone I know well enough. Good weekend? No, actually, my kids have been shits, my husband’s being a knob, the bloody kitchen still hasn’t been decorated, I’ve eaten my body weight in cake and the cat shat in the shower again. You?

I don’t tend to dwell on the bad things though, certainly don’t need to analyse them with others or talk it through, and am generally a chipper person.

I only divulge when I think it's needed or if I think it will impact my work.

I once got police involved with my Exh and had to take unexpected leave to do statements etc. I worked in a very highly stressful and busy work environment where absence and lateness weren't taken lightly. I was also a complete wreck.

I had to tell them the basics of what was going on, so they knew the severity and how to best offer me support at work.

If its just family arguments, or minor relationship issues, or school issues with DS, I will generally stay quiet.

I don't tell anyone. My private life is a shit storm - I would not even think of telling friends, let alone work.

I only tell people when it's obvious, like when my cat died (because you could tell I had been crying) or when my cat went missing as I needed time off to do things like collect traps and go to every sighting I got called about.

I haven't told them my Dad has cancer (he's in remission now) because it didn't really affect my ability to work. Yes it was a worry but he was very much up beat and still doing every day things.

I don’t tend to share personal stuff at work unless it’s to a really close colleague. General chit chat about life and day to day trials and tribulations are fine. But at the same time I also don’t like to be on the receiving end of being told about someone’s really personal problems.

Keep it private. Your brother is milking the sympathy vote. Nothing wrong with that, but you have done fine being who you are up until now. Speak to an therepest online if you have too. Everyone has shit going on in their lives. The untold amount of other people’s business I hear at work is crazy. in fact, WILD. Then I hear different stories of the original. You tell someone you’re struggling, especially at work and the knives will come out…. Underperforming bla bla bla if you went home early someone would moan about it I assure you.

No, for me everything is fine always, however bad it is.
And... when I ask someone how they are and they give me their whole life story and all their ailments, that's the last time I ask them.

I'd broadly say "things are a bit tricky/rough at the moment with my parents/children/husband", especially if it's getting to you, or you might need time off/early finishes for hospital visits, helping out etc. It doesn't hurt to give people a heads up you might need support and generally people will offer you help. I know it probably feels like nothing will help/make things feel better but sometimes a friend popping over a lasagne and showing they care, or a manager saying "just finish for the day and take some time for yourself" can make a tiny of difference.
I wouldn't personally go into all the details myself, but I know people who do (friends mainly) and I never see it as over the top and am always happy to listen if it helps. People are all different though, don't force it if it helps you to compartmentalise and try and ignore what's going on at certain times, it's very understandable.