To not know how to manage social situations and kids with colds

[StillTryingtoBuy]

I think I’ve lost the ability to judge how to manage social situations and kids with colds so am looking for a steer. amy kids were very young before covid so not sure what was the norm then or what the new norm is now either.

I have young children, toddler and school age. Among other friends with young children there is an acceptance that kids get colds, they are in childcare and school and basically very exploded to bugs. If we have plans with another family and one of mine has a cough / runny nose I’ll usually tell the other family and they will say they are happy to stick with the plan and still meet. If the child has a fever we would cancel as the sick child won’t be well enough to enjoy the activity anyway.

I should say we are lucky we have no particular vulnerabilities to illness and would also stick with plans if a child we’re meeting had a cold i.e. cough / runny nose. I appreciate a heads up but wouldn’t especially mind if a child we were meeting turned out to have cold symptoms. Different if they were very unwell but runny nose / cough symptoms seem constant with small kids and wouldn’t bother me.

I find it more difficult though with extended family where we have plans with adults who don’t have young kids. Do they expect us to cancel or warn in advance about cold symptoms…?

We are meant to meet wider family tomorrow and my toddler has a cough. No fever and they’ve had it for a week, checked by doctor about 4 days in and no treatment needed - viral and let it ride out. Everyone else in the family is well.

I’ve told those people I’m in regular touch with as it came up in conversation - how’s your week, fine, X has a cough etc. But I haven’t messaged everyone we’ll be seeing to let them know about this cough. Should I? Is that what people generally do? I don’t know if people have reasons to be more cautious about coughs for example. Or is messaging everyone over the top and will they think my child is more ill than they actually are or that I want to cancel?

What is the norm here with kids and colds…thanks!

I think it depends on the people OP. If you're seeing elderly relatives or people that are more vulnerable to infections, I think a heads up is appropriate. I wouldn't, for instance, take my DC (teens) to see their GPs if one of them had a streaming cold and was still in that infectious phase, because my DPs are over 75 and they tend to really suffer with bad colds. I wouldn't want to be exposed either, but I have no choice! A DC who is getting over something though, still coughing/snotty, but almost certainly no longer contagious, fine!

A toddler with a cough or runny nose is a given at this time of year in my experience. In such a large group there is no need to let people know. Let them give kids a wide berth if they need to.

‘because it takes such a long time to recover these days’ doesn’t make sense, for common viruses in people without health issues.

But I would have warned people pre 2020. Basic manners.

Yes, you should warn people. Colds can be very unpleasant and people might have plans coming up like holiday etc which could be ruined if they’re unwell. I never take my kids near people when they’re ill and try to avoid other kids with colds/cough which unfortunately are often brought in to classes etc by their parents. Very selfish. If a kid has a nasty cold/cough, they shouldn’t be turning up for gymnastics for example

Would they tell you if they had a cold? Adults get colds and flu just as much as kids do. As an adult, I would probably cancel if I felt properly unwell with a cold, not if I just had a runny nose. I’d do the same with my dc.

They wouldn’t actually, I feel the onus is on parents particularly but definitely have had adults not warn about colds.

It’s not ‘selfish’ for DC in preschool or school / college to attend extracurriculars with minor viruses, if well enough to attend their usual setting and do the activity.

Feeling well enough doesn’t prevent them from spreading the virus so doesn’t make it any less selfish.

The reason why kids are always ill and “would never leave the house if kept in with every cold”
is exactly because of attitudes such as this. Being constantly ill without a period of recovery in between also weakens the immune system.

My kid frequently coughs during the winter months. If he's in shape and doesn't have any other symptoms I wouldn't cancel anything. Mine has been to school as usual.

It doesn’t actually occur to me to tell people now; I’ve got 3 children and if people don’t want to see us when one of us has colds then basically you won’t see us in winter. I am more aware when people have babies as I know when I had a baby I’d avoid people with colds

I think we need to all play a part in getting the world back to how it was before and not buy into all the anxiety. Unfortunately for people who are CEV, as was in the past, if they are so vulnerable, going to an event with many people is and was always going to be risky and they need to make their own decision on that. There could always be people incubating an illness.

We cannot have another generation of kids being taught to be anxious in this way, it's so damaging. As you say, if child has a fever or active infection that we know of like vomiting or CP, then of course keep them home.

I would assume in the winter months any small child is likely to have some sort of sniffle

Unless immunocompromised (in which case i would stay away) it's part of life really

Live from the event - I let people know when saying hi so they could keep their distance, nobody batted an eyelid so I’ll try not to worry so much next time.

If it's your family then surely you know what they would prefer. In my family, we don't alert each other. We have a large family and, as a consequence, we've had new babies born every two years for the last 67 years. If everyone was announcing illnesses or self-isolating we would have never been able to gather. The only exception is when someone has a confirmed case of COVID.

A complicating factor, we live abroad but travel back quite often. So I haven’t really figured out what normal practice for them even though we are quite close.

I don’t have kids but it winds me up when I’m taking my nieces or nephew out and their parents send them sick. I’ve got a job and a life. My day out with the kids is not worth me picking up their bug

Honestly what harm is it to let people know your kids poorly before you meet, it’s so selfish to turn up with little Petri dishes because then they’d have to be so rude to say actually I’m going to leave as I don’t want to get ill. Give them an out before. It’s not health anxiety, it’s just curteous

I’m very clear on not meeting up when they are actively sick also for example fever or d&v. Just less clear on runny nose / cough but kids that are well in themselves. Not as sure in those cases.

If one of my kids has a cold I just tell whoever we will be seeing (other than some friends/family etc who I just know won't care, as their own kids also have colds 80% of the time in winter!). My dad is immunocompromised so if the kids had anything slightly stronger then common cold we usually don't see him. But my 18 month old in his first year at nursery has a runny nose 50% of the time at the moment. The people who annoy me are those who turn up at work clearly with early flu or blithely saying they have vomited the day before, or at avoidable social gatherings with kids with hand foot and mouth. If anyone in your family is having chemo etc I would obviously avoid but presumably they would also avoid a big indoor party in winter?

My niece came on a holiday with us with a cough and a sniffle, could have been a cold, could have been Covid, who knows. My wife got ill a few days later, then me, my wife ended up with pneumonia. Personally I’d appreciate a heads up so we can decide ourselves

I work with children(nurse) and at the moment pretty much every child who comes to see me has a mild cold/sniffles/cough. Mostly they are well, no fever etc and I still vaccinate as long as they are well in themselves/no fever etc the weather doesn’t help, it’s freezing then mild. I am pretty much immune to these colds(hopefully am on annual leave next week) but I don’t think a mild cold precludes them from being out and about. If they are obviously miserable and feeling crap no stay at home.

I'd like a warning.
I don't can't have children. Pre-covid, my cousin invited my out for a Chinese for my birthday. Lovely. Her toddler had a stinking cold, green snot and a cough. They put plates of food on the table. He grabbed my chopstick and ran it back and forth across his snot. Throughout the meal he coughed over the food! Funnily enough, I ended up with a cold myself.

An older child knows to cover their mouth if coughing, but toddlers/young children will just cough over anything. Yuck!

I get this - the event in question wasn’t a holiday or a sit down meal so it was easier to avoid the toddler.